How do I reignite her flirty side after she got scared?

I've been dating a girl for the last month and a half, though we've talked for three. From the beginning, she stated wasn't ready for anything remotely serious, as she had gotten out of a very long relationship that ended poorly and absolutely terrified her of being hurt again. She talked about having an emotional wall she doesn't know can ever come down. I replied, honestly, that I understood her worries and could keep it light.

There was chemistry from the beginning. It was easy and fun. She said our first date was her best ever (she's 27). We texted every day between dates(once or twice a week). She was responsive, prolonged conversations, initiated them, and asked questions. We had physical chemistry. After being apart for a few days she would claim to miss me. (I'm open to the the fact this might just be the honeymoon phase of dating). On one drunken occasion she admitted she was afraid she was beginning to like me more than she had planned. She suggested I take her on a trip to my home state (which I declined, because after she stated it would NOT equate to being "the next step", I told her I'd only go if it meant something to her).

Then she dialed back on the texts and calls, stopped asking questions, became short and infrequent in her responses. She vigilantly reminded me she doesn't want anything serious and asked for my thoughts. I replied, honestly, that I was ready for something slightly more meaningful but not remotely serious as in boyfriend/girlfriend. I INSISTED I was happy keeping things on the same level as we had been (fun dates and hooking up); however, I also said if she was ready to move a smidge forward, so was I. She must not have believed I could keep it unserious, because she remains distant and replies even less frequently than my buddies do. I asked once if she wanted to keep seeing me, and she said yes. I no longer reach out to her every day for fear of smothering. She sometimes sends a picture out of the blue of whatever she's doing but ignores my reply or uses 3 word responses.

The rational side of my brain says that after this long, if she hasn't exhibited stronger feelings yet after I gave it my best shot, I'm not the guy who will break down the wall. Perhaps it's male stubbornness, but my gut tells me she dropped enough hints of harboring affection that it can work with persistence, understanding, patience, and the discipline to prove I can keep things light until she feels comfortable opening up. We have a date set up. I'll have a better idea then, depending on how things go, but I'm eager to know now if I'm being a chump for exhausting myself over her. It's frustrating to downgrade our "arrangement" from what felt comfortable, warm, and right to something cold that keeps me up at night.

I'm not in love or have strong feelings; my only objective now is to get her to revert back to being flirty and talkative. That's what I miss. Does this sound like a dead-end?


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  • It's quite a deadend.