Guys, need opinion! Been hanging out with this guy-still no formal date..

I meet this guy at a bar about 2.5 weeks ago, and he and I have hung out several times/ got to know each other for the most part. We text quite a bit, and even developed some nick names for each other. We even hit it off the first night and ended up making out for several hours. He is very affectionate, and always is a gentlemen each time we see each other. Our schedules are busy with work, but he has still yet asked me out for a formal date. He says we will keep in touch and see each other soon. Each time I ask if he is free, I feel like I am being an annoyance. So far, we had a date/hangout at a bar twice-meet 2 friends one night, his place twice-where I met his brother, and hung out at my place. He is a shy guy, but I have made all the moves so far for each date. I am tired of initiating everything. Guys, what can I do.. to drop hints/talk about this? I want him to make the move. I think its only far, that he makes the next date, as I have took the initiative for all the others. I realize this can be pressure for some guys, but come on.. I have been patient with him, even meet his buddies and family already.. I want to see what its like with just him and I for one evening-just us on a real date. How do I go about this? Is there something I can do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I'm going to safely say that "at least" 80% of men don't get "hints." Men don't communicate in "hints," and so they don't "get hints." You'll never hear a man saying, "and omg, like, I want to his house, and I got him some beers and T-bone steaks, and do you know what he told me? He was like, oh, it's not Sam Adams, well, I guess that's okay. Do you believe that? And do you know what he did with the steaks? He fed everyone else, but he fed the rest to his dog. And then I'm like, "so, how did you like the steaks?" And he feeds me this BS about how his stomach was upset and how the "sell by" date was a little to close for him to risk it, but his dog loved them. I swear, I was about to go into his bathroom and use up all his toilet paper until I clogged his pipes. Ugh. Ridiculous. Can you believe it?"

    If men did that, they would be gay.

    Men communicate DIRECTLY, as in, NO HINTS. Hints that men actually perceive or notice are like unicorns in Manhattan. Then, even if they do notice a hint, the chances that he comprehends and fully understands the hint are just as rare. So, you're really just jerking yourself off while shooting yourself in the foot, or as the English would say, "hoisting yourself by your own petard."

    It sounds like you want this guy to take on a gender role that you have in your mind. You want him to be something he's obviously not - an initiator. Rather than drag this story out with phone games, and hints, and suggesting, and then frustration, and then complaining, and then tearing apart the relationship because it's much easier than just talking directly to someone, just talking directly to him.

    Call him up and tell him:

    "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. I've planned the past X dates. I called you, I asked you out, and we had a great time. I was just wondering why you haven't done the same."

    His answer is irrelevant. Let him talk, get that air out of his chest, and once his mouth is done making noises, you can say:

    "Okay. How about this. Why don't you think about what you'd like to do and where you'd like to go next time we meet up, and then call me up and tell me. It doesn't have to be anything special, or even anything thoughtful. I just want to feel like you are the one who is calling me, who is picking out a place to go, who is picking out something to do, and that I'm just following you. I want to follow you. But I can't follow someone that's not leading. So, just lead me, anywhere, and I'm going to follow you. Do you think you can do that?"

    See what he says.

    • thank you. I appreciate the thoughtful response. I just didn't know if I was being bothersome to him, or being annoying. I am really trying not to be clingy or an annoyance. I don't need to hear from him everyday at all or have all dates scheduled, I just want one night, where I have confident plans with him and its just the two of us on a date... not me, his brother or his friends all included. Next time I see him I will mention it. It's bothering me. I really like this guy.

    • I understand. What he's doing is analogous to patients bringing pets into therapy. They're an obstible, something to take away the pressure and seriousness of the situation. When he brings other people, that's his way of removing the pressure and seriousness of dating, because it's not "really" a date, it's like something between a date and a get-together. That just means he's socially shy and needs some time before he feels comfortable. To each his own, but I hate guys like that.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If he really is a shy guy, you're gonna need to be patient. No hint dropping. You'll need to continue to be initiative, but make sure you plan out events where for sure only you two can be together. Even shy guys aren't gonna be as flaky with the girls they like, so don't worry. But like I said, patience is key here. He'll man-up soon enough.

  • ''Hey Jimbo, wanna go to the movies with me?''

    • I would directly ask him for a date... like I said, I want him to make the move. Why is it that guys feel the pressure to ask the girl out for a date, but when sometimes it comes down to it..girls are told to ask him.. I am tired of waiting for it.. hell I'll just ask

  • If you've been hanging out so far, then it's a good thing. He's just shy in nature and needs some more push


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