Guy I have been seeing still has his online profile active?

Been out on 3 dates with this new guy I have been seeing. Ended up sleeping with him on the 3rd date. Oops!

Things still seem to be going well. He sent me a text the day after and we have been sending texts back and forth to each other every day. All good.

I go on the website we both met each other on out of curiosity. Only to find that his account has been active in the last 24 hours.

Felt like a punch in the gut. Especially after he keeps going in about how he likes me and is still showing me interest regardless...

I really don't want to be messed around. I pretty much told him this before we slept together! Just pretty confused and not sure what to make of it.

Def waiting longer to sleep with someone next time. A bit rusty getting myself out there after a long break without dating. Just don't know what to think now.

No way will I continue sleeping with someone if they are dating other people.

I know it is too soon to mention anything along the lines of exclusivity but he did know that I was not up for casual sex before hand.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're jumping the gun.

    Three dates doesn't constitute a reason to turn away all other pursuits. Three dates isn't enough for anything. It's a blimp on the radar as far as dating goes.

    And as for the sex, you decided to sleep with him before you became serious and before you even felt you could have a discussion about exclusivity. Thus you made the choice to have casual sex.

    I have no empathy for your situation. You wouldn't be where you are if you stuck to your principles and refrained from indulging in your impulses.

    You've overcomplicated the relationship without anything solid to hold onto...

    • I thought I may be a bit. But I mentioned to him before hand I did not want friends with benefits. Just wish I was more specific. Should I approach it with him before sex again? Then not mention it again? I really don't want a casual relationship. Just wish I had been more clearer with what I wanted.

    • Show All
    • As for the sex... it's not enough to say your stance about something and expect others to follow suit. You have to uphold it.

      People lose themselves in the heat of the moment and they inch forward until they've struck a boundary. It's not enough to tell someone you don't want casual sex when having an open conversation but then submit while your both pushing each others buttons. You have to tell them no if that's what you feel.

    • p.s. that's an inherently female trait now that I've discussed it. Women and there communication; different wave lengths. Men need direct communication and women like the further abstract.

      When it's said "I'm not looking for casual sex", there is a list of implications that are implied in it's wake. Men don't pick up on these things. We like bullet points.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Unless you have made a commitment to him to be exclusive you can't really blame him for looking. If there is one thing I have learned, is that I will not be exclusive to any woman that has not yet made a commitment to me as well. Being the only committed one just plain sucks. I would suggest that you keep looking for a new guy while waiting to see how this guy works out, and stop sleeping with him until he is willing to make a commitment. If he isn't willing to commit, then you shouldn't be committed either. Keep looking until you find that commitment.

    • It does. Just wish I had been more clearer with what I wanted. Would talking about it again make things worse?

    • It would only make things worse if all he wants is sex and isn't serious about you. Then he would get upset that he wasn't going to be able to keep playing around with you. If he really does like you then he shouldn't have a problem with talking it out, and making sure you are on the same page.

  • does it show that he went on other date. he can also see your on the site. I wouldn't give up on the guy, keep going out with him and make it another 4 dates before sex comes up again, and that way you will know if he's the one.

    • I am not sure how to check that part of it. But it did say underneath his photo that he was last online last night. He was also texting me last night as well at least.

      Thanks for the advice. I will do that! This has made me a bit more nervous though. Just gotta not let it get to me and just enjoy his company in the mean time if he contacts me again. We were going on about 'doing this next time' last time we hung out before hand. Even he admitted things were going well. Shrugs.

    • good luck I wouldn't give up yet.

What Girls Said 2

  • just because you just started dating it doesn't mean that he is going to instantly remove his online profile

  • i think he is just keeping a window of opportunity open, you should do the same thing