how do i change her mind?

So this chick I talk to just broke up with the guy she's been dating because he was getting too serious, I want to date her but she knows I like her alot, I think she's just worried that it won't work out after she leaves for the millitary, and she's kinda broken because her fiance died a year ago, I want to show her that she can trust me and I won't let her down, but I don't know how, and I feel like the closer I try to get the further I'm pushing her away


Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate to break it to you, but you have to consider that this is not going to work out like you want it too.

    This girl you are talking about has a pretty big history, as you have said. The death of her fiance is, needless to say, traumatizing. She recently broke up with her now-ex because he was getting too serious. Here is what I think happened: Since her fiance died so recently, she still has feelings for him somewhere. I am sure you know feelings like that don't just go away, it take a long time. Now, when her partner was getting more serious, she started to remember her fiance more. There might have been things her ex did, which her fiance did as well. There might have been moments she shared with her fiance, which also started occurring with her partner. These situations will then cause buried feelings for her fiance to resurface. That is extremely painful for her. I presume that is why she broke it off. She still is not entirely over her fiance.

    If you get a chance to date her, you will eventually want to get more serious with her. This might be very quickly or somewhere down the line, but I know that you want to be more than just boyfriend and girlfriend with this girl. What I fear, is that the same thing can happen when you are with her. Even if you wait a relatively long time before moving to more serious ground, she still might not be over her fiance. If that happens, the both of you will be badly hurt in the process.

    She is also leaving for the military soon. Since I have no specific information about what kind of a tour she is going on, but I think I can assume she will be gone for at least a few months. I can tell you, long distance relationships are extremely hard. More so when one partner is going away for the military. If the two of you become an item and she going away, it will be very diffcult for both of you to be separated from each other. You will probably worry sick over her because it isn't exactly perfectly safe in the military.

    Now, I am not saying it is impossible, not at all. I personally think it will be a very bumpy road if you try to date her now. Here is what I think is best. Be an amazing friend to her. Help her when she needs it, she her she can trust you no matter what. Throw in a compliment as you see fit, to show that you are not just merely a friend, you want to (eventually be more). I do not know when she will be going away, so it is hard to say where to go from there. I think you should think about how you are going to feel when she is away. Also think about how you would feel if your fiance would have died. Try to imagine how she feels. That may help you understand her better.

    I hope this helps! If you have more questions, ask away!

    • You sound pretty spot on but there are some other factors I'd like to address via message

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What Girls Said 2

  • i don't think you should meddle in her relaitonship

    • Shes been coming to me for advice, and they are just dating according to her

  • i don't think its a good idea to break up a relationship. wait and see if they break up or not.

    • They broke up but she said she still wants to be friends with him and to keep doing the stuff they do, so I sorta think he's a f*** buddy now

    • yes I think so too.

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