Do dating gurus somehow live in the clouds?

Face it, most younger men are only confident by virtue of either being good looking, popular, athletic or scoring with girls. Unlike what the dating gurus say, it has sh*t to do with "deep self-acceptance" or other such stuff. Why then perpetuate that myth? I think only older people, or persons to whom looks or popularity generally are not important, are such. So yeah, young guys ARE confident, but not for the reasons the dating gurus state. and yeah, girls do pick up on/respect that confidence, but only because the guys are seen as cool/popular.

And why do they say women like men with careers? In life generally, like meets like. So of course a career woman would want somebody of similar outlook. But then a minority actually hold managerial positions, whether at top, middle or lower levels. Yet still men who are in lower jobs still date.

That's not to say that what dating gurus cite is invalid. But is it merely their own experiences projected to the masses as fact?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're looking at this from a backwards perspective. What dating gurus say about confidence and being an enjoyable person to be around ARE in fact true. But because not many men display these traits doesn't mean what these gurus are saying isn't only means that many men are merely allowing themselves to stay within some kind of comfort zone. It's not the easiest thing in the world to display confidence, independence, and simple courage, but the intimidation and fear of doing so is much worse than the actual act of doing it.

    You even touched on this yourself when you said "like meets like". People are hardly taught any kind of strong self-confidence anymore, so people will generally stay with what's familiar because it just seems more natural and easier.

    So while it may seem like they are projecting their experiences to the masses in an unrealistic manner, has it not occurred to you that maybe they have "seen the light" and are simply doing what not many men are able to do these days? I know I don't meet very many people at all that can so much as stand by their word confidently, let alone not be afraid of petty social games.

    • I think what they say has some merit. But they say it's "true" and pervasive, when very few young guys are like that. it's a fact that most young guys gain confidence from being cool or popular, and not from strong self-value.

    • Like I said in my answer, numbers don't mean anything. Because a lot of guys gain self-confidence through certain measures, doesn't mean that it is the "right" or best way to go about it. What self-help people try to instill in others is basically to find a way to be your own person AND be completely comfortable with it. Many people would rather conform to fit in, rather than receive attention for standing out from the crowd. That doesn't make what they say wrong, only means most guys fall short

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What Girls Said 2

  • i do think some dont, they do have good ideas

  • no actually, I know some who are really good at it.


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