Should I give up dating guys I'm attracted to and do this?

Description of me: I'm 23 east Indian light skinned though not how you generally picture most Indians. I'm around 5 feet 6 and weigh about 170 lbs. I can't seem to loose the weight though medical issue but I still keep active go to the gym do activities. Most friends are shocked when I tell them my weight I look between 140-150lbs because I have a medium bone structure 36 DD bust and sort of a curvy butt too.

I have medium to long dark black hair. I get complimented on my eye shape and lashes and teeth/smile the most.

I don't dress to show off my bust because I battled skin issues and had scars. I dress nicely and put together put natural foundation/make up on and have my eyes done nicely.

However, I'm 23 not even had my first kiss. Only dates I've been on was from online dating site. Which were four of them all first dates and all with white guys. I live in Toronto so its a pretty cultured city and a lot of interracial dating so I don't think culture played a part in them not liking me. I've been rejected and rejected by white guys who first show interested ask me out and then want to bail during the date. On the online sites I don't have my picture posted so I send a few pics to guys that ask (I've msged the white guys first because I don't have pics up) maybe 50-60 percent reply back and then most of them loose interest.

I hate liking how white guys look. I can't help it. Literally 98% of the crushes I've had in my life have all been white guys. I'm very very rarely into to Indian guys. However I do find their personalities more easier to relate to than white guys. When I talk to these white guys (most of my interactions with them are from online) I find them boring. I don't mean to be racist here sorry. I have two guy friends that are white but the rest are either black or Indian.

I'm a virgin obviously and I have watched adult videos of curiousity and seriously I only look for ones with white guy adult stars I find attractive. I can't even watch an Indian get it on with a girl on screen. I can't even imagine one doing things to me, I get grossed out.

However, I went online and tried to find an Indian guy who I was even the slighest bit attracted to and try to start something there. The white guys I've talked to stop msging me either via text or online. One guy even bailed on a date (he was very smart, goodlooking and said he was getting a lot of msgs). And I ask him to reschedule twice and he hasn't msged me back.

So should I force myself to date a different ethincity (my own) even though I'm not really attracted? Girls especially what do you think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • 50-60% reply without you even having a picture? Fuark. Why was I born the wrong gender?

    If you aren't attracted to Indian guys at all there is no point in you dating them. I'd suggest trying to immerse yourself more in 'white culture' for lack of a better term. This should give you more to relate to with the white guys you meet as many likely know very little of your culture and don't care to learn.

    Having said that its always going to be difficult for you as most girls in western society aren't virgins at 23, the guys that you date would likely expect sex from any kind of relationship. You could try and mitigate this problem by dating less attractive white guys who may still be virgins themselves but then I guess you probably won't be attracted to them either.

    Bottom line, if you can't get anyone and its getting you down, lower your standards in some way. Be it your standards for physical attractiveness, personality or level of commitment.

    • hmm yeah they probably do expect it. I'm not much of a flirt on the date either, the guy would have to start flirting with me or something first and then I'll start. However, NONE of the guys I've met in real life from online have flirted with me on the date. NONE. They have flirted with me like a minor bit before they actuall met me. I don't think they know I'm a virgin, its not like I go around telling them lol.

      Yeah despite what everyone says about keeping your standards the way they are

    • Show All
    • Well they never seemed to ask me out again or message me. I actually ended up msging one of the guys as joke saying "hey how did the laundry come along" because he was going to do that on Saturday night. He msged me back the next morning saying" yeah it was fun folding clothes. hope you had fun with your friends!" I showed that text to my girlfriend and she said that last line means he doesn't want to talk anymore. He was looking at his watch twice and asking me when I was going to met my friends during

    • during the date (an hr into it). So I figured my friend was right. I texted him back saying "yeah it was fun. nice meeting you and gl with everything" and he said "thanks same to you!"

      sry for the long story but just trying to paint a picture for you lol

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • It's not so much as "giving up" on guys that you're attracted to, but rather giving other guys a chance and seeing where it goes. If things don't work out, then you can go back to those you're usually attracted to. It can be as simple as that; no need to make it seem like an all-or-nothing kind of situation for yourself.

  • If you don't have standards, then life ain't worth living, that's my opinion anyway.

  • i'm 25 and never had a girlfriend, although I'm not a virgin, I recently lost it 2 weeks ago through a friend with benefits, but I feel your pain


What Girls Said 2

  • I know how you feel. I don't find the guys of my own race very attractive either and I find their personalities annoying. I've only dated or had a fling with guys outside my race.

    If you are wiling to try your own ethnicity then try it, but I think you need to feel somewhat physically attracted to them. Maybe that will change in time. Also, sometimes the more you have a connection with someone, the more attracted to them you become (Idk if I said that right). But that can die off (ex. people cheating on their spouse for someone they find more attractive)

  • Don't ever settle.. You won't be happy that way, I have learned that you come a long way with a positive mind:) we all have preferences, we can't help that :)