Why do guys come to the conclusion that "girls like jerks" and never "I like girls who like jerks"?

Maybe its just me, but I find it really arrogant to act like you've met EVERY FEMALE and know what EVERY FEMALE wants.

I know a ton of girls who wouldn't date jerks (atleast the ones guys describe). I've never dated a jerk in my life. And yet, because I have a v..., I'm being blame for the bad choices guys make because they chased after stupid girls.

Where were those guys in high school? Why didn't you approach one of my friends? My best friend never had a date and she's the sweetest and smartest person I've ever met.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I have a theory about this. First things first, there are a lot of people out there, and as such there are a lot of different behaviors out there that most all of us find both frustrating and confusing, regrettably with all of these behaviors out there, there are also a great deal of people (both men and women) who don't want to accept responsibility for their actions, and to this end they often divert responsibility by taking part in undesirable behaviors. If you think about it, almost all of the behavior of a typical jerk can be organized into a pattern, in that they are arrogant, abusive, think only of themselves, generally don't communicate well and use everybody else to satisfy their own needs and then want to blame everybody else for their own actions. A large part of how this mentality works comes from generalizing, or making broad blanket statements about other groups of people (e.g. Left handed people are dumb, short people are mean) or similar statements which are not based on any actual truth, in doing this they are taking away the identity of those people they are generalizing, by doing this it is both easier to insult them, and by consequence excuse (in their own mind) the bad behavior they are taking part in. So odds are the people who want to generalize are seeking a way to excuse bad behavior of their own or are perhaps frustrated themselves, and have not taken any time to think about their own situation with any degree of thought. So take heart, I'm confident that you don't want to date jerks, I suspect that if you talked to the person who said this, you might find there is a little more there, than the blanket statement they just issued, and while you don't have to explore, you might find that more often than not people who make broad blanket statements are often to blame for their own misfortunes rather than all of the "other" people they claim are making them suffer so. I hope this helps ease your mind some.


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What Guys Said 7

  • Guys who say that are usually jerks themselves who've been slighted by a girl in favor of a guy who's taller, more muscular, makes more money, or is better looking.

    I suppose it's just easier to assume that the guy is a jerk. That way, you can tell yourself that you've still got something going on, that she's making a huge mistake by choosing him and not you. Because you'd treat her better than he would.

    Girls do the same thing. I'll bet you've had to listen to your friend complain about how guys only want X kind of girl and sh*t like that. There's no difference.

    That's sort of how humans are though. Man or woman, we think with our sex drive. And that makes us all "jerks" in our own right.

  • Because their dividing line between jerks and nice guys is miscalibrated.

    Between jerks and doormats, jerks do 100 times better with women. But nice guys with a banco one can do as well. But a lot of guys are still operating the way they were told to behave as little boys, and view anything direct as 'jerk' behavior .

  • This is what I have seen from my experience. Pretty much all women say they don't like jerks, and wouldn't date one or even put up with one. But, every jerk, jackass, and felon I've ever seen has always had a girlfriend. They've always had girlfriends in the past, and usually can get a new girlfriend pretty quick when they're single, and looking for one. I see women flirt with these types of men constantly, And a lot of the women I knew personally had dated one of these types in the past. And I don't mean the type of man who started out as the perfect gentleman, and revealed his true colors later on. I'm talking about the straight up a**hole.

    This doesn't add up. If women don't like jerks as they say, then how can these exact same jerks be getting all this attention from so many women? And from women who aren't stupid or mean spirited themselves? When this get pointed out, women will completely deny it, and absolutely will not acknowledge this contradiction.

    This is only a general observation, and doesn't apply to every female. But I suppose when a guy gets resentful enough they'll apply it to every single female anyways, and ignore their own shortcomings on why they can't get girlfriends. Whatever those shortcomings may be.

    • "But, every jerk, jackass, and felon I've ever seen has always had a girlfriend."

      Did it NEVER occur they know what kinds of girls to manipulate. No? Of course not. That mentality is what I despise. It show someone's not analyzing the situtation futher and they should.

    • "This is what I have seen from my experience."

      Experience is not fact.

      "Pretty much all women say they don't like jerks, and wouldn't date one or even put up with one."

      Honestly is depends on their good traits, bad traits, whether thinks she can do better.

      " I see women flirt with these types of men constantly, And a lot of the women I knew personally had dated one of these types in the past"

      EVERY WOMAN? You NEVER seen a woman in a happy relationship with a good guy? NEVER?

    • Im not mad at you, I'm mad at the observation. It's popularly upheld as truth but my 16-year-old brain deconstructed it a minute. If a 16 year old can find flaws in this, any adult can.

  • There are guys on here who are angry and unsatisfied with their dating life so they blame women for it, because that way they don't have to change. And women too, when it doesn't work out with him, all guys are the same.

    • I hate people like that, not just men who do that crap.

    • and if you are smarter than them, you don't try to reason with them or change their minds

  • QA - The answer to your question is graphically explained in the youtube video link below by Susan Walsh from Hooking Up Smart. Com. She discusses women's choices today in a college campus environment. But the same elements apply to some extent in regular life as well. The "girls like jerks" notion has some powerful reality behind it! It's obviously not all women! But there certainly are quite a few!


    • Actually, it doesn't answer my question. Like I said, I find it really arrogant to act like you've met EVERY FEMALE and know what EVERY FEMALE wants.

      There's no way in hell a guy has met that women to such a horrible assumption about them. There's no way in hell that woman has met enough people to make that assumption either.

    • As I said earlier, "It's obviously not all women!". I don't think there are any guys who think that "EVERY FEMALE" without exception is part of the "girls like jerks" group. The only real question is the SIZE of that group! If you are not a part of the "girls like jerks" group, I commend your good sense! There should be more smart women like you! Nevertheless, you cannot deny that the "girls like jerks" group really does exist! It is sad, yet it is REALITY! We cannot pretend it away! Peace!

  • Unfortunately, people do like to generalize. It's like when a man rapes a woman, and all men are viewed as guilty and complicit.

    Also unfortunately, people use terms without a clear definition. First, we have to define 'nice guy' and 'jerk' and so on.

    Some girls say that they like nice guys and that guys who consider themselves nice aren't actually nice at all. On the other hand, some girls are honest about their opinion that it is possible for a guy to be genuinely too nice.

    I think the problem is, women find masculinity attractive, and yet since the 1960s masculinity has been politically incorrect.

    As for where these nice guys were in high school, we're meant to be aiming for social equality. Why should it be up to the guy to make the first move?

    I'm lucky. I grew up in a traditional household in the countryside. So I grew up to be a masculine man.

    • Yep - "social equality" is only applicable to women when it suits them... if they have nothing to gain from it (I.E. girls having to approach), they want nothing to do with it.

    • Show All
    • ...masculine men means that the competition for masculine men is fiercer than it was before.

    • @QA: "Why didn't you approach one of my friends? My best friend never had a date and she's the sweetest and smartest person I've ever met." That implies that she wanted a date. If she didn't, then surely it's a good thing that guys didn't approach her, in which case why mention it?

  • It's because they don't realize yet that girls like guys who make them wet (or for a better term, turned on). Yeah, you might make a great boyfriend, but she isn't going to care if she can't see herself doing anything remotely sexual with you. "Jerks" just know how to create that spark. All they have to do is pretend for a while that they are actually amazing and she will be stuck like glue, even if he smacks her around a bit.

    The thing is, you have to be a good guy, but act like a d*** every now and then if you want her to like you. So mix it up a little.


What Girls Said 6

  • Because of the way girls talk about guys after break ups. Often if a guy breaks up with us, he usually isn't very nice about it so we call him a jerk when we tell others (aka nice guy friends) about the break up. On the other hand we like to be as nice as possible when breaking up with someone we just don't click with so we aren't the jerk so we say things like "He was nice, but just not for me..." thus leading our guy friends to assume that the reason why he isn't getting any is because he is "too nice" because girls are always being dumped by jerks and breaking up with nice guys

  • well most people prefer to blame the other person rather than themselves. same goes for girls saying all guys are a**holes and want bimbos.

  • Seriously. I date really nice guys but I'm not going to date one who whines that girls never like them. Grow the f*** up.

  • Because guys that can't get women are whiny babies and blame the women for not having any skill to land a woman.

  • Lol you're still in high school too

  • Because it's easier to point the finger than to accept responsibility for our own issues.

    I have a theory about some people that think that way -

    They get hurt or rejected only a few times before becoming jaded. Then, they specifically go for the people they know won't be right for them, so they can hear the no and "prove themselves right". A lot of them even antagonize the opposite gender and when said gender reacts, they say, "See, I wasright." IIt's a sefl-fulfilling prophecy situation. They WANT something to whine about, they WANT to play the victim, of whatever. I've noticed MANY people do this.

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