Told my good friend how I feel -- can it ever really be "the same"?

So, I did the dreaded deed of telling my friend (we'll call him B) how I feel. Let me preface by saying we have a complicated history. I've been asked over and over again if we were dating or if I would date him (based on their observations and how he treated me), and I never took those questions seriously -- I never wanted to see him in that light. Recently, I realized that I did like him. I decided to tell him because I had been seeing other people, and I couldn't honestly be invested in a relationship or dating if I was thinking of him. You can say it was super selfish, but I did it to move on and to allow myself to move on. I never expected him to want to date me (if at one point he did, that's now gone), and I don't want to date him (I try not to date close friends ever, and we're just not compatible on that level -- let's just say, there'd be too much hurt and anger).

I did think about the repercussions. I just assumed we'd handle it like mature adults and as close friends, we wouldn't blow each other off. So I told him. I told him not to get weirded out and that I expected nothing, but that I wanted to get it off my chest -- to be honest with myself, with the guys I have been seeing, and to move onward. We spoke for two hours the next day, after work, to figure out where we stood (I did this mostly for him -- to make sure HE was OK and understood where I was coming from).

He wasn't upset, just really confused. I guess that's what happens when you distance yourself so much in the romantic department that he doesn't see it coming -- I blindsided him. Anyways. He asked me if I was sure I didn't expect anything, because he didn't believe me -- he said he didn't think I was being honest in saying I didn't want to date him.

He wanted to make sure I was OK and talk it out because he "valued my friendship and wouldn't want to do anything to ruin it". He then added "I've always seen you as family". He then asked "So, wait, why wouldn't you date me?" Tried to be soft about that, but it bugged him to some extent.

I was OK up until the family part. I mean, I already didn't expect anything, but after all the comments and seeing how he did treat me... I guess maybe that's how he is with friends? And maybe I did read into all the kindness and our closeness. But I guess what I'm trying to say is: am I crazy for thinking that HE wasn't honest with me here? That he never had feelings for me? Maybe I am crazy.

Anyways. I assured him we're OK - take the "confession" as a compliment on his character. To take what I said about why I wouldn't date him and just become a better person.

I invited him to hang out, to show we're really OK. I want to prove to him that we can go back to being normal, to being "the same". He said sure.

But can we? -- Go back to normal, I mean?

Or have things changed forever between us?


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  • The fact that it happened will always be there. You can't change that.

    I am in the same situation with my best friend, but I haven't told him anything. He takes care of me a lot and I sometimes wonder if its more than friendly. Props to you for acting on your feelings. It takes major guts.

    But, when you hangout, don't make anything awkward. Talk as you would usually talk and do whatever you usually do when you hangout.

    Best of luck :)