Roommate is dating this girl...

who is over 24/7.

Ladies, I need some advice. Why would she not want to be somewhere else? My roommate is more than ready to follow her around the world, yet she always comes over at 7 (when she's off from work) and then stays the night.

I would like to know what this girl is trying to do... Is she trying to move in? Does she have insecurity issues?

Have you ever been so attached to someone, you could not spend a free moment without them?

Would she be offended if I told her she could only be over for X amount of days? Best way to break it to her if that's what needs to happen?

My roommate is one of those guys who feels lucky to have ANY girl next to him. So, I feel like if I go to him with my issues, he would pick her side, and I would be in the dog house for the rest of eternity.

Would skipping over your boyfriend to talk to you directly about being in my personal space every day offend you?

She hasn't done anything against me personally, but for the same reason why I don't have 10 friends over every night, I don't think she should be either.

Am I in the right here? or just being obnoxious and should put up with her being around after 7pm for the rest of our roommate-relationship?

And from my roommates point of view: he gets all the bj's in the world so he doesn't mind her awkwardly being there. Thing is, I don't get that kind of service... so...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Did you and your roommate discuss how it would be handled if one of you entered a serious relationship while sharing a place? Or are you guys kinda learning and setting up ground rules as you go?

    You should go straight to him first and give him the opportunity to make the situation work. Clearly it's unfair to you, and I'd be totally pissed if I was in your shoes, too. A couple nights a week is one thing, but every damn night? Hell no!

    • We've been living with each other since freshman year (now seniors). We've never really come into a girlfriend-situation like this before. It's always been "hey, your friends can come over and if they need to crash, so be it". I've always understood something similar to bro code- in that we keep women and our own lives separate, or at least for the first year or so of dating. I don't think he follows this code... Is it too late to implement after 3 years of living with each other?

    • Show All
    • Alright, definitely going to bring it up this weekend then. And here's a plot twist: she has her own apartment, which she shares with 2 other dudes. ANNND one of them is her ex-boyfriend.

      Which makes sense as to why they don't want to be at her place, but I don't see how they can justify making me uncomfortable instead of her ex-boyfriend and his roommate at her place...

    • I definitely think you should. I know I would! Good luck with it.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I get where you're coming from. I had a boyfriend that wanted to do all the visiting, even though I had a roommate and he didn't. I was closer to his work so it was a more convenient drive for him both ways.

    Anyway, here's an idea; maybe it's just because they've just started dating and she's in her "accomodating" phase? Most chicks will bend over backwards (no pun intended) for a guy's every whim in the first months of a relationship.

    It is NOT appropriate to confront her directly about this. Definitely go to him. If you're non-confrontational like me, try shooting him an email, Facebook, etc. Just be polite about it. "Hey, I like her but she's been over a lot and I signed a lease to share my space with one roommate, not two. So if you guys could take turns visiting each other, or at least start getting out more so I have the place to myself sometimes, I'd really appreciate it." That way there's no awkward conversation in person about it, but you still get the message across.

    Likely he sees her through rose-colored lenses right now and is completely oblivious to the potential issues her constant presence could cause.

  • I'm more passive aggressive... I would have someone over every night... didn't have to be a date but another friend... watch movies. Maybe your feeling more lie a third wheel in your own place. Maybe bring home enough food for just you and your roommate and be like "oh I didn't realize you were staying another bought." I don't know I was that girl butt I was living with the gut before we dated... and the other guy got upset... I just let them hang out and do boy stuff.

    • yeah they buy their own food, which stock piles in my fridge for two weeks (takeout leftovers and what not). They make out and what not when I download a movie to watch... 3 ft from me... also when I say she is over a lot, I mean 2 days out of the last month I did NOT see her. and that's because my roommate went to his parents for the weekend. the month before, she was over for all 30 days.

What Guys Said 2

  • not much you can do about this , been thur this a couple years ago at college , roommate had a girlfriend over a lot , she didn't like live there but was definity there a lot considering she didn't live there . you can't exactly complain about this unless there doing something really bad or she starts stealing your food or stuff

    • They buy their own food, but did you not feel awkward as hell when they're always sucking face in your living room? or the "cute-couple" giggles and crap that goes on in his room? I can hear it all... and it's every day. I mean there was 2 nights this week when she didn't stay, and that's because he went home one hr away.

  • tell her she needs to learn some emotional dependency or how to entertain herself.