Is it bad that I told him my preferences and now he's following them?

Should most things come naturally?

Maybe I didn't phrase that well... but I am seeing this guy... he pretty much asked me what I liked about past guys I've dated.

I told him I liked the guys who opened doors (some of the time, not always), who were kind of manly man kind of guys, who liked sports, were more aggressive than passive, who prefer to be dominant int he bedroom...

He kind of only started doing these things just recently... after I told him. I don't want him to change for me... idk, is it bad that I told him what I really like and how he's doing it?

I guess that it is hard to describe... It's not that he's trying too hard... it's just that it seems like he's being a certain way to get me to like him more. He knows nothing about sports nor really cares and now he's telling me he's going to have a fantasy football team.

He prefers to be the submissive one in the bedroom and lately it's like he's trying to be what I want...?

So is it bad? I've found that on past dates with other guys that I usually avoid answering this question so they don't pretend to be someone they're not. This guy doesn't seem to mind, I don't think. Although he does seem to be trying a bit hard to impress me.

I can't pinpoint it. Any advice?

  • Yes, that's bad
    Vote A
  • No, that's okay
    Vote B
  • Depends/Other (explain)
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • ok ... differentiation needed:

    is he trying to change who he is?

    or does he just try to adapt a bit?

    does he give up his own interests or is there just something he added?

    does he still have preferences?

    in some cases, like when it comes to bedroom preferences, I'd try to play any role my girl would ask me to play (or tells me that she would like that)

    it's not that I give up who I am or what my preferences are ... it's just something I do for her ...

    other things like opening doors, etc ... that's something some girls like, and others feel belittled ... if my girl tells me she likes that, then OK ... mental note ... open doors for her ... if not ...

    that's just showing someone that you care... notice / remember preferences and follow them accorsingly

    on the other hand ... if he completely changes himself for a role ... that's nothing that will go well for long ...

    • I'm not sure... I think he's adapting a bit, but also trying to change a bit. For example, several months ago I told him I generally like really manly guys who are into sports blah blah and recently he told me he's making a fantasy football team... and I asked him if he knew anything about football, the stats, the teams and he was like ummm nope. Idk, felt like he did it just to get my attention? Idk, maybe he's just developing new interests and I'm suspicious. Who knows...

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    • i'd guess so ...

    • haha okay... well, I'll go with it for now

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • I think its long as he doesn't stray from his beliefs or ambitions. He just wants to try his best to make you happy.

    • Good point. I just don't want him to change for me, yanno?

    • Then be bold. Next time he does something, be like "Are you trying to impress me or something?" Maybe laugh a little, make it casual, and see what he says. Go from there, and remind him that he doesn't need to impress you.

    • Okay, good point. Thanks!

  • "Should most things come naturally?" > No.

    "idk, is it bad that I told him what I really like and how he's doing it?" > No.

    "Any advice?" > Yep. Let him try. It won't hurt him and he might grow from it; you're doing him no disservice and honestly he's just showing that he listens to you and takes you seriously so if it gets too intense you'll easily be able to persuade him to calm it down.

    • Oh, thanks! So it's not bad that he's kind of changed for me? Or well... yeah, I guess you're right it is more that he's just listening to what I really like. I just feel bad if he's not being him.. just because he likes me.

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    • Think: Nothing of it . All humans do this. If he told you he specifically loved you in the color blue it's likely you'd wear blue with slightly more frequency for a while. It's nothing.

      Say: Encourage him NO MATTER WHICH HE DOES, allowing him to know that you notice his efforts but also appreciate him for himself.

      Do: Nothing. Let him burn out on this. The more equalized the attention the less likely he'll maintain behaviors that don't coincide with his true personality.

    • ok... yes, I do wear colors he likes more! one of my favorites. good way to put it!

  • Are you sure he is just tweaking himself?

    You are making it seem like he is pretending to be someone else.

    • I think that I'm worried he is trying to become someone else.

  • It's obviously bad if he's acting. People only keep up their act for so long. So eventually he'll stop being who you want him to be, and you'll be like why am I with this guy...

    • Yeah, totally makes sense. That's what I'm afraid of!

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    • I guess you'll have to figure that out over time.

    • Yeah, well, I have time to figure it all out. Just thoughts that arise in my head.


  • When people care about someone else they put in effort to make the other person happy. This is normal.

    • Okay... so he's getting into new hobbies and whatnot because he thinks I'll like him more?

    • He could be insecure, but at the same time deciding to give something a try and widen your horizons isn't a bad thing. It could help him become more confident, and actually become a better man. As long as he is treating you well, and he seems happy it shouldn't be an issue. If he is forcing himself to do something he hates, then you may need to talk to him. Or mention that you changed your mind and preferred the way he was before.

    • Alright, well thanks! I'm glad people understood my question. I felt weird writing it... wasn't sure what to say, really.

What Girls Said 1

  • telling a guy what you like in a man is like giving a student the answer key to a test and expecting them not to use it. he's gonna do what he thinks he has to do to get u. telling him was a mistake. when guys ask you what you like in a man, tell them general things that everyone likes, but don't get super specific because then he'll start acting the role and you'll never know if he was being genuine or just doing what you said you liked.

    • yeah! That's exactly what I'm worried about.

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    • Yeah, it just seems fake. Like he isn't improving or changing himself; he's just acting like he is so she will like him.

    • Yeah, that's what I'm worried about

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