Girls, would you date a guy with cancer even though he work, is in school, and feels completely fine?

So for many years I have been dealing with having a brain tumor that is cancerous. It has affected me little over the years until just recently, But even then, the way it has affected me is quite minimal. I am currently going throigh radiation therapy, and it is causing me to lose the hair on my head, so I am going to have to shave it. The chemo I am taking doesn't cause hair loss, so it's still everywhere buy my head. That's just the little bit to add to show where I am currently with my condition.

Anyways, I am in school, have a job, have my own car, and is financially stable with having a lot in savings. I am staying with my mom for the next month just to see how my treatment will make me feel, but then I will be back out on my own if I feel good enough to be on my own.

My question is, would a guy date a guy with cancer? For how it is, there is no prognosis, which means it could be many years, if at all, before things flare back up again. And with the medical science these days, and what I have exactly, there could be a cure just around the corner pending some more trials that have already proven to show much success.

I have had little experience in the dating life, I'm 25, and I feel like I am being left in the dust. I've only had one girlfriend in high school, and that was only for a short time. I just didn't really feel it with her anymore and ended it before she got too into me. This was before I knew anything about this cancer. Anyways, it may be once every several months to a couple years before someone fancies me given the circumstances, but I just didn't connect with her as she did with me. It's no problem, because I know there was someone who did like me. But it's so rare, I have little confidence that there will be something that would really last. I am unsure if I am sterile, and won't know for over a year when I'm done with my treatment which will take over a year. But it's only for a week once a month, and doesn't affect me a whole lot. It's my second time having to go through chemo, and I know what to expect, and it's not too bad.

But more times than finding someone that did like me, I've been turned down by some I actually liked myself because they are scared they could lose me in the future. I can't even explain how hurtful it is to hear that. And obviously it destroys that friendship immediately. I mean who would even want to know a shallow person that is that fickle? I know I wouldn't.

Is there anyone else that has been in that kind of situation? And if so, how were you able to meet someone that stuck around. I am pretty confident with myself in social situations, and have many friends that all support me, the ones who know about it anyways. But for those who do find out, they don't seem to be put off by it. But then, they will have a different outlook on it anyways.

I should add that I feel I am quite attractive and have a very healthy lifestyle with a perfect body weight. I do a lot to keep myself looking good. Not trying to make it sound like I'm talking up about myself, but that part is quite true and many people tell me this, like almost random compliments. I'm just a bit shy when it comes to talking with the girls. Yes, I know it's probably a big factor it all of it, but it's something that does make myself feel a bit self-conscience.


Most Helpful Girl

  • My ex, the love of my life, had a condition pretty similar to cancer.

    It's a long story but I'll try to keep it short. He had all sorts of immune system problems that later on got worse and became psychological problems as well. This all started when he was in his senior year of high school and was a big athlete (snowboarder, soccer player, etc). His body all of a sudden started to malfunction to the point that he had to drop out of high school and not graduate. I didn't know him before his condition, so I never got to know the guy he "really is" like he was always saying. The whole situation apparently changed him as a person, but I still fell in complete love with him. It took him a while to finally open up to me about what he has and all the several pills, injections, etc he has to take on a daily basis. I remember him shaking nervously while telling me. To his surprise, It didn't bother me. It of course affected me to some degree because like you said..there was a chance of losing him at any moment. A huge chance of his body shutting down completely at any time. Still, we dated for years. Even with him having to move across the country and to the states for different treatments SEVERAL times.. I was always there for him no matter what. He appreciated this so much and always told me other girls would just walk away. I couldn't do that to him. I loved him (and I still do) way too much.

    Unfortunately, he is in a very bad state right now and so has pushed me out of his life because he needs to focus on only his health right now. Which I completely understand. At the same time, it is the end for us. I am glad I got to know him and love him nonetheless. I wish it never ended that way, though.

    As for yourself, don't worry. A girl WILL come along who will look past it all. She will love you with everything that you have and will stay by your side through it all. Don't be afraid to open up to a girl you're interested in. If they walk away, that's just another chance for the right one to come in. It's not about your illness - it's about you. You may have cancer, but you can't let cancer have you. If girls see that, they will be attracted to that attitude and you. Just try not to push her away..


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What Girls Said 5

  • I actually have no idea. It's very difficult to say what I would do in a situation like that, since there are so many things to consider. I'm not sure I would want to put myself in such a position. Losing a loved one is a terrible thing. I don't think it would be selfish to not want to go through something like that. I guess it depends on how well I'd connect with the guy and whatnot. But as I said, I have absolutely no idea what I would do. Not right now, at least.

  • Yes, I would date someone with a terminal illness if I was into them. Why not? I am aware that a perfectly healthy person could be hit by a car and die tomorrow and therefore cancer should not be a reason to reject somebody, in my opinion. There's always the (very high) risk of losing someone when you decide to get close to them, in which way ever this person may disappear from your life.

  • If I was attracted to him and we hit it off talking to each other, no issues for me. It's the person you're dating, not the disease and anyone that feels otherwise is pretty shallow and self centered. Yes, there could be fear of losing them, but if it's the right person that's the chance you take.

  • To be honest, I'm not so sure. If I was deeply in love with him and I felt that I wouldn't be able to stay friends, then ya, I would somehow be able to look over all of that. You need to find someone who is depend and can live with or without you, and I am so sorry that you are in this situation, I wish the best for you're future

    -Lin <3

    • Well that doesn't do me much good, but at least you are honest about it. Have you met a friend with any illness that could be as serious as this? I know it's not really the most common kind of person to run into. But if so, have they been successful in finding a partner? I don't care if it doesn't come to marriage, I'm already convinced it will never happen because of this. But even simple dating would be a nice thing to try out for once.

  • I understand your frustration, and I'm sorry for your circumstances. I wish you the best with your treatment.

    However it's not shallow to be mindful of someone's health situation going into a relationship. Losing a loved one 'prematurely' is one of the most devastating things that can happen. My partner died and for five years afterward I wished I would die too. It's one thing to deal with whatever curve balls and hurts life throws at you once you're already together, but you can't say someone is 'fickle' or shallow for observing the reality of the situation before they've developed any feelings for you. People judge relationship potential on far more shallow criteria than this...


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