Am I someone who you would actually date or...

just go to for advice/friendship?

i feel like that's all I'm good for, I can give and give, but I can't even follow my own advice

i mean if you came up to me, would you ask me for advice, or would you ask about me and want to "get to know me better"



Most Helpful Guy

  • If girls come to you for advice and friendship, it's because you *allow* them to come to you for advice or friendship when you truly want more. Next time it happens, just tell her "I'm not interested in anything other than a date with you." Then end the conversation. Watch the look on her face ... it'll explain more than I can ever say.

    Being nice about advice and friendship, when you actually want to date a girl, is only superficially nice ... it's actually kinda manipulative. And that method leaves you feeling confused and resentful.

    Are you afraid of rejection? Lots of "nice guys" are terrified of rejection (I've been there, so I don't mean to be cruel about it). And because these guys are afraid of rejection, they use niceness not for its own sake, but because they think people owe them something in exchange. This is why niceness can be manipulative. Your thinking (perhaps kinda subconsciously) is that "If I do A, B and C that are 'nice,' people will give me X, Y and Z in exchange." But the problem happens when the other person doesn't view this "deal" in the same way you do. You end up giving and giving ... but you don't get what you want, because the other person doesn't see the "niceness" in the same way you do. So you feel exploited, when the other person didn't necessarily mean to hurt you.

    Read Dr. Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It's a great book about how to change your behavior, and how to be genuinely nice, not manipulatively nice. You can learn to be a nice person --- who also is assertive and who goes for what he wants without being a dick about it. Glover has a good website and discussion board, too.

    Good luck!


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What Girls Said 6

  • i don't know you personally. but probably friend. and that's about it. if I came up to you, it would be as a friend. but as for advice, I think I would give my own advice to myself lol

  • If I was your age and single I would probably want to get to know you better. I say this because from the little I know and have seen from you on here I can tell you are a genuine great guy. I think that you are a little too sensitive at times but you are young. It's normal.

    • Thanks shlei, guess I just needed some confidence and an ego boost, etc...

  • Dave, stop over-thinking things. Like I said earlier, you need to let things go and be carefree. Try it out, because it'll be good for you.

    • Yeah, well, if people wouldn't reject me for my religion, this would be a lot easier wouldn't it?

    • Show All
    • If she'd reject you over something like that then why would you want to date her? Who cares if she's hot if she's a douchebag.

    • She told me "no" after I asked her out, she knew I was jewish, yet she still allowed me to ask her out

  • I'm the same way. I give my friends great advice, but I just can't seem to take my own advice and use it. It's hopeless!

  • From what I've read id want to get to know you better I think =]

  • well. I think it's kind of hard to answer this...but I will try anyway,based on some of your answers that I read around and that give me a rough idea of your personality and based on your pics of course ,regarding the physical part. As for how you look : honestly I must say you do not look bad but you're not "hunky",which is FINE since I am rarely atttacted to that type of I have def. been attracted to guys who look like you, I mean really attracted ...but honestly this attraction was something that stemmed not just from their appearance but also from their character.So personality def. counts way more and is actually the trigger of attraction for me.As for your personality,I don't know you ,but you seem smart,not arrogant and sensitive (am I right?). <these traits are great, I would date someone with these traits. But also you would have to add the capability of listening to me but at the same time not being "terribly" available,just available for things that count ,like,say me.

    So my verdict is : potentially I would date you ,I would like to get to know you better .

    • Interesting, so this proves that every girl who asks "do guys" is actually referring to "does he", very interesting

      thanks btw, haha, too bad you're anon. itda been interesting to see who you are, since you said yes

What Guys Said 1

  • Lack of confidence, lack of assertiveness, willingness to take risks. And not to mention, far too nice.

    Your good traits are your honesty and willingness to help others. And of course your friendly approachable nature and eagerness to still learn more about women. However...

    I do feel you follow things by the book far too much.

    • I will work on the three, that you suggested I don't have, while maintaining the ones I have, itll be tough, but ill work on it