Do guys really care if a girl initiates every time?

I call or text the guy I'm seeing first every time (well, in the very beginning, he called and texted me).

I don't mind being the one who initiates (although, I suppose it would be nice to hear from him first). I always get a very positive response and I just don't like waiting around to call or whatever when I feel like catching up. We only talk or hang out like once a week and he's been really busy with some changes he's figuring out in his life, not that he tries to make that an excuse, it's just something I'm aware of. When we talk or hang out, he's pretty clear about what he wants and we're developing a bit of a friendship at the base of this. The chemistry is undeniable too.

My question is, I always read all this stuff about how if a girl does all the initiating, a guy will lose interest. It seems kind of silly to me. What do you guys think. If a girl likes a guy, shouldn't she just act on it and will it really influence his feelings if she's doing the initial legwork?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I completely disagree with the answerer who said 'guys hate women that approach or do anything...'

    I love it when women approach me in bars or take the initiative in a relationship. When a woman approaches me, I'm at least interested in her. Simply because it's not something that happens a lot. When she takes the initiative to suggest things we could do in the relationship, it shows that I'm actually dating a person, and not an accessory with a conveniently placed hole.

    Anyways, back to your question. It doesn't mean he'll lose interest. That really only applies to the first few dates.

    It may, however, mean something else:

    He's not that interested in you.

    He prefers to be the one in control.

    He just is occupied with other things.

    You can do two things:

    1. Wait him out and see what happens.

    2. Sit down with him and talk about it. Just ask him why he doesn't ever initiate anything. Tell him you like it when a man takes the initiative.

    • The funny thing is, I KNOW that if I wait him out, he will call, text, initiate. I have no doubt, he's just slow as molasses at doing it and I'm more an action girl than a patience girl. Probably something I could work on though. I was thinking I might sit back and see what he does just to give him a chance to decide for himself what he wants. I won't have any doubting questions if I give him a chance to ACT. Thanks for the response. Good perspective.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I would love a girl like that!, but I would of course do my share of the initiating so the girl doesn't feel like she is doing all the work, after all we are supposed to be partners, that's what people often refer to couples as, so they should be partners then!

  • There's nothing wrong with it. This unofficial rule of guys having to start everything is outdated.


What Girls Said 1

  • The only guys I've seen that complain about doing all the work are the guys on this site. Ironically they call us whores for giving it up to soon which is funny because don't they cry all the time about paying for dates? Generally speaking, guys hate women that approach or do anything in the relationship.

    • you need to quit lying

    • Don't tell me what to do momma's boy. I speak the truth. The only guys I've seen whining and crying about girls not approaching are the guys on this site.

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