Would you date a feminist like this?

Now before you go off on how they're all batsh*t crazy, here me out.

I identify as a feminist, but I suppose I'm more of an equalist. I don't believe in female dominance or anything. I truly believe the genders should be equal.

For example, if Jane and Jack grow up in the same town, attend the same school, then attend the same university, each get the same degree, are both hired by the same company to do the exact same job, at the exact same time, I think Jane and Jack should be paid the exact same salary. However, that's not so in many cases, and that is why I identify the way I do.

Additionally, I believe in sharing household chores and working. If he's hungry or if he thinks the house is dirty, he is more than able to cook/clean himself.

That's not to say that I refuse to do household chores or anything. If I am hungry, I am more than willing to make the food. And if I think the house is dirty, I am more than able and willing to clean it myself.

I don't ever play the "girl" card to get out of doing something. I don't think all men are pigs and out to oppress me or anything. I think the radical feminists are crazy and just down right wrong.

I don't deny feminism (make up/dresses) but I don't dress girlie all the time (I'm usually in jeans and a nicer t-shirt) but when I do dress up, I do my best to look as girlie as possible,

The only reason I would be considered feminist is because I support equal pay for the genders (if they do the EXACT same job) and that guys can do household chores too.

I don't believe in lowering standards for women in police forces/fire squads or military. I think that having a lower standard makes it dangerous for victims who need help. I know I can't carry a body out of a burning building, and I know I sure as hell don't want to be dragged out. I'd want to be carried safely.

I fully accept that there would be fewer females in those types of jobs if the standards were the same for both sexes, but at least the females who could do the job would be able to do it safely and correctly.

You can probably guess, but I can shoot my gender in the foot, as it were. I see flaws with the extreme feminists way of thinking. If they truly want equality, they need to get in the game too and make sacrifices to move to middle ground too.

So...would you date a girl with these views?

  • Yes
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  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Probably, but that is because I can date someone I don't always agree with, and there are a few areas in which I disagree with you.

    First, I disagree with the term feminism being associated with equality. Feminism is about raising up women, in all areas, as much as possible. Period. Equality is not part of the equation. Someone who truly believes in equality is called an egalitarian or an egalitarianist.

    I slightly disagree with the whole "I'll clean when I think it's dirty, you clean when you think it's dirty"plan simply because it means the person with the higher tolerance for filth does less cleaning.

    As for your Jane and Jack example, I agree that they should be paid the same if she negotiates her salary as aggressively as Jack (she won't), she calls in sick as seldom as Jack (she won't) She takes time off for person or family reasons as seldom as Jack (she won't), She doesn't expect to get months of paid vacation simply because she entered the voluntary medical state known as pregnancy (she will) She will cost her employers health insurance provider the same amount as Jack (she won't), and she focuses as much on career development as Jack (she won't).

    Of course that is all speaking in generalities, but since it is a general example, it is worth bringing up the fact that, on average, women will simply spend less time and effort on their careers than men.

    But other than a few details I really do like your views, particularly your views about not lowering standards to allow women into physical jobs where other people depend on them.


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What Guys Said 8

  • As long as our relationship is given 70/70 by both persons then I'd be fine. Hell I'll do all the chores and yard work as long as my girlfriend, SO, Wife makes bomb-ass meals and food for us to eat. Same thing if my girlfriend, SO, or wife is bringing home the paycheck or doing all the nitty gritty chores, I'll make her some bombast meals, even if I have to take cooking classes. In a healthy relationship, both people have to feel like they are putting at least 70% effort in, not just one person putting in 70% and the other 30%, but both people. They also should always think about their partner always doing more than them, so they have to try harder to do more in the relationship.

  • In your example, does Jane ask for a raise/negotiate their salary at the same amount as Jack?

    That's often a big factor ignored when it comes to the "pay gap" bs that most feminists use. Not only that, the "77cents for a man's dollar" stat they use, ever done research on that? Guess what that stat ignores. Negotiations are one, but there are other things like time off (women take more on average, believe it or not) and other things like even the field of work (so say a tech job vs a service job, men are more frequent in the tech jobs which pay higher). Ya, that's right, that stat ignores every variable that would truly matter to see how equal the pay really is.

    So if she were in the same job, for the same amount of time, did the same kinda work being just as well as others and negotiated the same amount for her pay, I'd agree they should have the same pay. Women, however, often fail on the negotiation aspect. Why? because men are more aggressive/assertive and that's required to succeed in life. I urge women to be more aggressive/assertive and to hell with anyone that thinks bad on them who does. Now that's something I think is bullsh*t. When an aggressive/assertive woman is looked down on or called names. But that's a societal problem we need to fix and will be fixed slowly over time. Not something laws need be brought into.

    As for household sharing, obviously that should be shared, however it's nice to have one person cook for the other. Things like that I say trade off so you can treat the other to something nice that you yourself make.

    As for your views, they seem fine for the most part and agreeable. I just think you need to do a little more research on the pay bit.

    • In the example, yeah, she's just as driven as he is. My mom's a driven woman in the work place and she had to flat out threaten to quit to get a pay raise. She quit anyway. She's now in business for herself (accountancy) working fewer hours for less money and still making more money annually than she did at her office job. But, she got her coworker (female) a gigantic raise. So...yeah. Not sure what that had to do with your questions but...yeah :)

    • If she can prove she's being discriminated against, there are laws on the books to handle that. You can sue the company/boss for such.

  • Based just off those views I can't tell... but I'm tending towards no. (well if I had options ha)

    "I don't believe in lowering standards for women in police forces/fire squads or military. I think that having a lower standard makes it dangerous for victims who need help. I know I can't carry a body out of a burning building, and I know I sure as hell don't want to be dragged out. I'd want to be carried safely."

    It sounds like you want equality with men on some grounds while still maintaining the privileges of being female. I get this impression from your insistence that men should still be there to protect you from danger, but you believe that you shouldn't be expected to provide this protection back to them. From this I assume that you would still expect to receive preferential treatment from the likes of Bouncers, the Police and the Courts of Law, due to your lesser physical stature, which is not equality for sh*t.

    I would also assume from describing yourself as a feminist that you probably believe its okay for women to sleep around, which would disqualify you as a long term partner.

    As I've stated these are assumptions, feel free to correct me if I've judged incorrectly.

    • You have judged incorrectly. In terms of the fireman example. I'm just saying the requirements should be the same fitness wise. If I were in a burning building, I would want to be carried out, not dragged. I don't care if it's a man or woman doing the carrying. All I'm saying is the standards should be the same. If that means fewer women firefighters then so be it. At least the firefighters we have would be able to do their jobs. I'm more than capable of fending for myself in other situations.

    • Also, I am a highly loyal individual and don't think it is okay for anyone to sleep around. I have been with one man for six years and have never strayed. I am fiercely loyal to him.

  • This isn't considered a feminist viewpoint where I live. If anything, its considered slightly reactionary, what with you not agreeing to lowering standards for women in police forces etc.

    • Yeah I wasn't sure...but it's as near as I could figure since I'm for equal rights for everyone and whatnot.

    • That's just normal and doesn't require saying anything unless you love in some sort of very traditional area.

  • You sound sexy as f***.

    Holy hell.

    • Are you being serious?

    • If I found you attractive I would certainly date you, we share a very similar view.

    • That's a fair point. Thank you.

  • I generally do not take one's political stances into consideration while dating, so yes.

  • I work with a woman who is better at the job than I am but she doesn't know how to look after herself at work. So she is constantly overloaded with work because she doesn't know how to say that she's enough on her plate and misses deadlines all the time, which doesn't look good when its review time. We used to get paid the same at the start which she bitched about whereas I applied for other jobs and when my company found out id been offered another job I got a raise to stay. I just got a promotion while my female colleague is still overworked in the same place. The difference is I knew how to look after myself, I knew how to play office politics, I wanted a raise I went and got it, I wanted promotion I went and got it. Truthfully I dont work all that hard I just play office politics and delegate work to others while making sure I shine and stand out. There are a few women at my work who know how to do this but not many. a lot of women where I work bitch about a glass ceiling when in truth they expect some magic elevator to help them up but in truth its s very greasey pole to climb. Its dog eat dog out there so stop bitching.

  • The pay gap isn't what you think it is. Don't believe just me. Read what this (female) writer at CNN has to say: link

    As for household chores, simple solution: don't date a guy who refuses to do household chores. Why do you need a political ideology for that? LOL.

    You seem nice enough. But, no, I wouldn't date you.

    • If you don't really align with feminism, you shouldn't call yourself a feminist. It turns SO MANY guys off.

    • I know it does. But I'm not sure what exactly it is that I am. Since equalitist isn't an accepted term.

    • Well, you need to analyse your beliefs more, I suppose. Or you could stop labelling yourself altogether.

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