Was it good that I left my friend with benefits or should I have just waited?

hey, I've been seeing this guy for a year now, but not regularly. We are two busy med students so we don't have much time for going out. However, I think if we want to we could have made it work, I mean a relationship. We only saw each other 4 times the last year, we met for drinks and then went back to his place, I only gave him bjs, because I wasn't ready for sex. I really like him but I'm not sure if he likes me too. Everything changed when he had sex last Sunday, I wasn't thinkin right and we just did it, it was great but it really confused me. I started having mixed feelings and I felt that I'm getting attached so when he asked me out for Friday, I asked him if it was just about the sex, so he replied no that honestly he enjoys spending time with me and its been over a year so its not just about sex. I texted him again saying that I don't feel comfortable with being friends with benefits, so he said maybe we can take it a step further and meet up and talk. It felt like he really wanted to talk, but when we talked he wasn't admitting any feelings and I was scared to force him into a relation so I just left it like this, we cuddled for the first time he wanted to have sex again but I didn't let him and then he drove me home :(. He kind of said sth about trying to date, but he didn't text me 2 days later, I really got upset because I don't know what happened. So after 2 days, I decided to end everything, I texted him : hey this thing is just not workin for me. I hope we stay frnds. He just texts back hey sure me too. I really feel sad, because I really thought I meant sth to him, why did he answer in such a short message? doesn't he care at all? And why did he offer to take it a step further when he just doesn't care? please I don't know what to think about this guy


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What Guys Said 1

  • If a guy wanted more from a girl, he wouldn't be Friends with Benefits in the first place.

    And girls almost never can handle FWB--they aren't programmed for it. Women release far more oxytocin during sex then men.

    And it's wise for you to not continue. FWB is to girls what just friends is to guys.

    • hey thxx 4 answering :)! Yea you are right, I thought I could handle that casual sex once but now I know I cant, its sad because I care about him and he just doesn't. I am even afraid to tell him my real feelings because I notice he doesn't love me. I should just get over it but its really hard :(

What Girls Said 1

  • I was good that you left him.

    Ultimately, FWB is saying " I am not worthy enough to be your girlfriend. I am satisfied with being hook-up material and never having anything greater from you than hook-ups" especially if you WANT a relationship and this guy is continually non-verbally saying you're not girlfriend material.

    He doesn't seem like he was truly interested in progressing. Sweetie, this is really why you shouldn't just go give your sexual goods away to someone like that : (

    • Heyy sweetie, thx 4 answering. Deep down I really know that but I just can't admit it to myself. I just get so attached when I have sex, it really makes me sad that I don't mean anything to him.

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    • U think its normal I feel so empty inside after that thing? I don't know I might not even really like this guy but its like I can't think about anything else :(

    • I think it's becasue you have self-esteem issues.