Why is being acting trashy considered masculine?

When a girl runs across a nice, well behaved, well mannered guy, she claims he is boring or too feminine, most of the time at least, then you find her dating really low class guys that will literally say anything. Sexist remarks, racial remarks, just being all round a**hats. Doesn't matter if they're joking or not, I don't find it acceptable. They'll likely also smoke or drink a lot, also associated with being low class.

It's really funny actually how a lot of girls here are quick to label guys that have been nothing but good guys their whole lives but have struggled with women (that may be a little upset about it) to be misogynists but are then somehow OK with guys that behave and make highly trashy remarks!

Has anyone else noticed this? It's also everywhere in our media. To be a man means to act out in ways that are ultimately really low, and sometimes what I would consider primitive, even sub human ways. A socially aware, conscious, and emotionally developed man would never act out in these ways, so why are men like this constantly avoided in dating? It's very disturbing to me.

People are so dumb these days I swear.

Sorry I messed up the title >.<


Most Helpful Girl

  • Men today, both trashy and well mannered ones have no idea what masculinity is at all.

    The only difference between the classy ones and the trashy ones is that the classy guys act like women, and the trashy guys like children.

    Since masculinity really means dominance, protection, power and leadership, the guys who act like spoiled little boys and are very self serving and demanding, provide the dominance part. They ridiculously demand things out of women as well as everyone else. This gives women an illusion of masculinity and women end up attracted to them.

    In the world of nothing, to these idiots, an illusion of masculinity is something.

    Classy guys stand no chance since they, on top of not knowing what masculinity is, are too kind and principled to act like whiny children. So classy guys can't even offer dominance alone as an illusion of masculinity. And this is why they loose.

    To a naive eye I'll translte, the more popular terms instead of the ones OP is using, trashy and classy, are bad boys and good "guys".

    • So what's wrong with being kind and principled again?

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    • Aside from the various qualities you mentioned such as LEADERSHIP and PROTECTION, which are big ones that classier men automatically provide, and how we display power and dominance only when necessary (because it shouldn't just be flaunted whenever), I really don't know. There's a time for everything.

    • That's your problem. "There is a time for everything."

      No there isn't "a time". Every second of your life is the time. You are in charge. Your leadership can not be applicable to selective situations. EVERYTHING must refer back to you in a chain of realising an action, every time. If you are not participating, you still take responsibility and you expect others' actions to be announced. Your girlfriend has turn to you first, before doing anything else. Otherwise you're not in charge.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Because she wants a man who's real and not afraid to be himself, not someone who's so worried about keeping up appearances and being "nice".

    • So a classier man isn't being himself then? That's not a fair statement. You have to think, he's been brought up in an entirely different home environment, raised by two entirely different people than a lower class man, who may have even only been brought up by a single parent. It's two entirely different worlds that produce entirely different kinds of people.

      There's nature of course, but there's also nurture as well, and some people are fortunate to have a far more nurturing upbringing.

  • Not all women find that type of guy attractive (I certainly don't!)

    The men that are kind, well-mannered and well behaved are the men most likely to wiggle into a marriage and settle down, but there is something that these 'women' don't like about settling down. Now, unlike the older days (I'm talking nineteenth century here!), these 'women' are free to do what they please. They don't have to settle down and they don't HAVE TO have children, which for some reason calmed us all down.

    Anyway, point is, there are still women out there that adore well-behaved men. You just gotta look in the right places! Hint though, don't look anywhere near California! Over here everyone is into the bad boys.

    • Anywhere that is more developed at least. But that's the kind of girls I like. Girls that are modern and smart. I just hate the modern mindset on relationships. All this "live it up when you're young" bulls*** is really bringing me down, because it's not something I entirely agree with and it directly affects my life because everyone seems they would rather hang with someone else. I'm a really lonely guy in all honesty and it doesn't make sense. I'm not even weird. I just can't understand!

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    • Thanks but I just don't know why it has to take so long. There are a lot of girls out there that date way below their worth too. It's just maddening.

    • It is pretty messed up

What Guys Said 1

  • Being a man is defined on how you deal with adversity, how well you prosper and provide and how you can lead yourself and others in life. A man chooses, a boy obeys. Basically, it makes no difference whether you are a low life or of a higher status, anyone can be a man or not be one.

    Granted, I understand your view. I myself, have learned to be a man by facing life's difficulties and conquering them, by learning to take care of myself, by being my own man and leading myself and others through hard or stressful times. I do not accept failure or turn my back and run, this is what boys do (Thankfully, full contact sports and coaches with high expectations taught me these lessons). However, I choose to act like a gentleman. I respect others, especially women, work hard and do not waste my time with things like drugs or constant partying and casual sex like the others do. I am above the classless lifestyle some choose to live.

    Like I said, whether you are a gentleman or a douche bag, anyone can be a man or not be one. Why are the douche bag traits considered masculine? Mainly because men themselves with a warped sense of masculinity believe that these traits make you a man, when in reality they have no effect. Until real men lead others to become men, this problem will become cycled.

    • Interesting take. I see your point. Thanks for answering.