Women and replying on dating sites?

So I've recently created a profile on a dating site (and yes, I have added a picture).

A profile is a complete nonsense. Anybody can write anything, so I just wrote some vital data. I think it is logical to use the discussion approach.

So I've sent one message to about twenty five women so far, and most of them didn't even feel like answering "not interested" or whatever.

So far, only one had the politeness to answer that she wasn't interested, and wishing me luck for my search.

I thanked her for her reply.

Taking the fact that I am polite and not freaky when contacting them for granted, I don't understand why I am being nearly completely ignored.

I am aware there are usually ten times more men on these sites than women, but I don't see it as a good reason to ignore people, especially when they take the time to write a constructed message to you.

So women, why don't you take a few seconds to at least say thank you but no thank you ?

Update : Thanks for your answers so far, but forgive me if I tell you that you are stating the obvious.

Let's say that the guy sent you a personalized message, took his time to write it, introduced himself and tried to put some of your interests in adequation to his, that he was polite, that the message was well written, and not a simple copy-paste.

Let's then say that you weren't interested.

Why wouldn't you reply, then ?

I perfectly understand that spam gets deleted instantly.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was on a dating site for few months.I would reply to guys that sent me message politely but not one line message like "HEY or HI"

    I even received few guys who sent me something like 'i' which meant Hye. I was surprised that they think that I would respond to that kind of message.

    These are the very common messages that I definitely ignored :

    1.Hey beautiful/pretty/cute

    2.What's up?

    3.Lets hook up

    4.You are hot

    5.Hey sexy

    6.Are you open minded?

    So It depends how they message me.I would prefer a guy to read about my descriptions and give opinion on it.

    On dating site girls received more than 50 messages per day so I don't think she will want to waste her time by responding to every messages just to tell that she isn't interested.Moreover,not every guys can be cool about it.Some will get depress,bitter and angry,even bash us out.So many girls don't want to deal with all this sh*t.They just think it would be better not telling them the truth in a direct way.Ignoring equal to "not interested" but I agree it isn't really an appropriate way to respond.

    • @update:In that case I will reply but some girls just choose to ignore because they probably don't want to hurt that guy's feeling.You are a guy who take it as something cool but as I said earlier there are some guys who can get bitter about it.These girls might have bad experiences with those guys by responding "I am not interested" so they don't want to deal with that any more. I have tried it few times and I had like some guys replied me "who do you think you are,you aren't that hot"

    • Thanks for your answer. I understand that point of view, but I understand it's the guy's role to approach a woman. So the least she could do would be to answer, at least a polite refusal. Dating sites enable to block people if they aren't polite.

      I don't even want to imagine what tantrum it would be if the roles were inverted, and guys weren't answering to girls. I hope you see my point.

    • Yeah I understand.I always reply to polite messages from guys.Girls can be 'too much' sometimes lol.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • ok a few things..

    1. 'no reply' is also a reply, if you get what I'm saying. Theguyoverthere had it right. I've been on dating sites as well and I used to get a lot of messages a day, not 50, but probably around 9 or 10 per day and even that was sometimes overwhelming to me. Instead of politely turning them down, I just didn't reply, hoping they would get the hint. When I did reply, they would then continue writing, asking if we could be just friends, or if they could add me on Skype or Facebook, or just doing small talk over mail. That's when I didn't reply at all, and therefore I decided I wouldn't want to reply since the first try because no matter how polite they were, I was just not interested. (I'm not very patient)

    2. What kind of girls are you trying to approach? If you go for the highest rated, chances are you'll be one among dozens of other guys. These girls are already tired of receiving messages and therefore they'll just not reply. Why? Because they can. Because it's the internet and nobody is bound to reply when they don't need to. You go to clubs, try talking to someone and if they don't want to talk to you, they'll think of an excuse to ignore you, but if they could, they would just turn around without a word.

    3. Let me be frank... if you write a well constructed message addressing many things in her profile... it's ironic, I know, but girls could find that creepy or think you're too intense. Girls will most certainly look for and reply to physically appealing guys, more than they will respond to politeness. These appealing guys are not the ones sending well constructed and polite messages. It's that simple. Better check on what are you writing to them.

    Think about the people you're trying to meet. It's like a market research in real life. If you're trying to sell a product to the wrong people in the wrong way, you'll have your product rotting in stock. Give it a thought, what type of girl would you get along with in real life? Is she the one you're trying to approach online? If it isn't it wouldn't work out anyway. It's not about politeness.

    • I don't go for the highest rated. I go for those who seem to have an interesting profile (shared hobbies or tastes, humorous...). I have never really used dating sites, but I still maintain that it's about politeness. At worst, copy/pasting a few lines saying no thank you don't require more than 5 seconds. At worst, you block someone who you don't want to talk to. So I don't accept that type of reasoning. Maybe I'm too old fashioned. I really don't like that meat-market feeling.

    • Show All
    • I just find your way of reasoning very aggressive. Maybe that's a sign of the times.

      In my understanding, a dating site is used to discover people you wouldn't come across otherwise. So if it's to treat them like garbage, and if most women think as you do, I think I will delete my profile really quickly and not look back, and get back to the old-fashioned dating ways.

    • Saying no thank you very much but good luck with your search for love. It takes what, 5 seconds to respond. If that is too much human kindness, decency and manners asked from anyone, then THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE HUMAN RACE.

  • @update: then she just has no respect and you'd probably not want a girl like that.

  • I usually just ignore messages that just seem like copy-pasted. But I never ignore a message that seems like the guy actually viewed my profile, read what's in it, and actually made an effort to find a common interest or write a personalized message.

    I ignore all other messages because it doesn't take them more than 2 seconds anyway to send me those, and when you have 50 messages like that in your inbox, you just don't feel like replying because they also didn't make an effort.

    • Exactly.Every time they came to visit my profile,I will check the duration and if I found out that he sent me message just after few seconds he visited,he will get ignored 100%.It just obvious that he wasn't even interested to know about me beside just looking at my profile picture.

    • plus, some guys just can't take a simple "flattered, but not interested" for an answer. They just keep pushing if you keep replying. I just had one. In the end I had to block him because I tried to be nice, I did. He just won't take "no" for an answer.

What Guys Said 3

  • I've been on these sites for a while and have met some women in person overtime and know some people who are more or less peers.

    If the girl is visually appealing, she can get up to 50 messages a day sometimes. So asking her to reply even if not interested is basically asking her to sit down and personally send out 30something messages daily. Then you got the guys who don't take being turned down very well who will literally curse her out when she is trying to be polite. Basically replying back is an indirect invitation for the guy to also try and change her mind when she's already not interested. I do recommend writing a decent message, but I don't recommend a message that took someone like 30minutes to write. So I don't recommend writing something extraordinary to a complete stranger. Just something that indicates the profile was read. If she's not interested, I don't think she should reply. I wouldn't want to send out 10 messages just to get back 10 letters saying they aren't interested.

    Personally I prefer no reply to a woman who is not interested because I'll open it up thinking she is interested just to get a message saying she's not interested.

    Now honestly, having at least a decent profile is something I do recommend. I am one to read girls' profiles. I'll assume a girl who doesn't have a decently written profile is not looking for anything serious and it's already a struggle for guys to meet women in person because many women on the site are too scared to meet in person(which is why I think anyone who is scared should just delete their profile and stop wasting guys' time).

    The other thing is that there are women who admit they just use the site for attention and want guys to just compliment them and tell them they are pretty. These are basically more wasted profiles.

  • I can't tell you exactly why women tend not to write back, but I do think that thoroughly reading profiles and writing unique messages is a waste of time. As I'm sure you've discovered already, you could write to 20 people and maybe one will halfheartedly write back a few times before just completely ignoring you. So as weird as it sounds, you're probably better off blasting a copy-and-paste letter to 100 people rather than spending a lot of time on just a few.

    Understand, though, that I'm not trying to say anything particular about women, but rather about dating sites in general. They're full of extraordinarily picky people, and you're probably just as likely to meet someone anywhere else as you are on there.

  • Dating sites are f***ing awful, lol. I've sent messages to girls on Match and then a couple actually started a conversation with me in public and they were totally unaware that they blew me off. Their inboxes were just flooded with dumbass frat boys who copy and paste "hey sexy meet up?" to every profile they come across.