Should I even bother replying back to this guy?

Here's the thing I "met" this guy on an online dating thing last year. We became friends and kept talking. I would tell him via phone and text all my problems and we communicated on/off for a year mostly I just told him about my problems because he claimed to be a life mentor as well.

He knows that I'm 24 now and never kissed a guy. I literally haven't told that to anyone else and all the rejections/bazillion stories about how I can never get a date everything he's the only person that knows.

Now he told me how he met the hottest girl in his grad college and he started kissing her 2 weeks in and now their dating. Apparently he gets hot chicks, his ex's were hot too.

Now when I message to talk to him he didn't want to talk to me on the phone. I told him about my recent issues. And now that I'm going to get a dating coach. His reply was so short just "oh wow really?'

Then I told him yeah its only a couple options, a) accept I can't get anyone b) keep working on it c) also had thoughts of inflicting cuts on myself but not obviously going there

his reply was"..."

and I said OK your acting like a douche bag lately. no offense.

Then he said he wanted to tell me something but afraid I'm in a fragile state. He told me that he's a regular guy and doesn't know about my level of depression.

I told him it was an exaggeration and to tell me what he was going to say.

His response was:

"you're weird like legit weird. I don't know how to put it any better. Like the first time you pissed me off was that your online but your ignoring me. And now you called me a douche. like I don't know who the f*** is else is going to listen to your sh*t and actually help you. like it gets to the point you legit depress me but I don't say anything. And now your going to say I'm a douche? you need to get your sh*t together"

I've been crying for the past hour or so and almost every time I talk to this guy I end up crying. I don;t know what to do.

Also asked him if he wanted to finally meet up after a year of talking. He was like if he can bring his gf? I'm like I don't feel comfortable but if you don't want to that's OK. And he goes when did I say that. Re-read what I said. He is acting like a d***.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry that you are hurt and that he responded so bluntly, but being a crying shoulder is no good for a man. It is plain out debilitating. I don't know how he communicated back when you were telling him your problems, but unless he was obviously attracted to you he probably wanted to get out of the situation and spend his time in a relationship. When you call him and list as one of your life options "accept that I can't get anyone" and talk about cutting yourself it sounds like you are fishing for pity. He's not going to jump in and say "No no no! It's okay, it's okay, things will get better," to give you a very fleeting comfort. And he's not a life mentor, just a normal dude. He can't handle that level of emotional issue any old time. Being called a douche bag while trying to gather his bearings is not pleasant either.

    You really need therapy. I had real suicidal issues for a long time from major depression and anxiety, but therapy has helped me a lot. I'm also 24 and I've never kissed or even been on a date, but I feel a lot better than I did before. If you can't get in to therapy ask around for something comparable, or just talk to someone that you know will listen. Maybe at some point in the future you can call this and you two can talk things out.


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What Guys Said 5

  • This guy really is a sadistic pig, and you really need to move on from him, there's nothing in him that could possibly help you or be any good for you, so drop his contact and screw it up, because this guy will only result into abusive replies and just putting you down. You have him summed up, he is a d,ick and probably finds it hard to be anything else but a d,ick, and what comes to mind also is that he probably lies about his situation in life, because there's not many women that would be interested in a idiot like that, so take his replies with a pinch of salt, remove this guy from your life, and find another guy who is genuine,x

  • "Like the first time you pissed me off was that your online but your ignoring me."

    So he can't accept the fact that you are online and not talking to him? What if you were online but stepped away from your computer and didn't see he was online? This guy sounds needy.

    "Apparently he gets hot chicks, his ex's were hot too."

    He can get them, he just can't keep them.

    "He is acting like a d***."


    "like I don't know who the f*** is else is going to listen to your sh*t and actually help you."

    This might actually be a legitimate issue. I say this because I know women who love to talk about their drama. So I don't know if you were talking to him about drama nonsense or real problems because I wasn't there.

    Things to do:

    1. Ditch him and get a true friend.
    2. Don't tell people "your sh*t" (his words). Just avoid talking to others about your drama. Keep conversations positive.

    Do those two things and you'll be fine.

    • "I've just accepted though that I'll never ever have a boyfriend and make my peace with that."

      It'll happen. Be patient. Remember:

      "As long as you know that you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable, there's no failure."

      -John Wooden, link

  • c) also had thoughts of inflicting cuts on myself but not obviously going there

    his reply was"..."

    You have your answer, don't cut yourself, cut ties with him and move on

  • I completely understand him, for having been in a similar situation with girls I tried to help gain self-confidence online some years ago.

    If you come over and over again to him venting, always about the same problem, never showing any progress, that makes a lot of lost time.
    He probably sincerely wanted to help you at the start, saw that whatever he could tell you had absolutely no effect. Your fragility makes it very hard not to get depressed indeed. He used some sarcasm to make you understand a few things.

    It seems indeed you are in a fragile state. You need to solve some issues that go way beyond dating (the allusion to inflicting cuts and the crying reactions seem to be way over the top).
    You should try to get some psychological help from a professional, in order to gain some self-confidence and some emotional stability.

    He probably acted a little rude but after a year of venting and enduring someone's depression, anybody would be fed up.

  • He's actually acting more or less reasonably. You sound a bit coo-coo. No offence.


What Girls Said 2

  • Why would you even bother talking to a guy who treats you like this? He clearly doesn't care about you or your problems (or your friendship), or else he wouldn't call you weird and talk to you in that manner. If he truly cared, he would be a lot more sensitive to your feelings. The second he gets a girlfriend, he drops his "life mentor" act and shows his true colors -- I'm honestly really confused as to why you even want to continue talking to this jerk. He has a girlfriend, so I think it's best to just let him be. Like, what do you even have to gain from this guy? Tears and a runny nose? You shouldn't allow someone who makes you cry as much as him in your life. And maybe you should see a therapist or something.

    • He claimed to help me and stuff and listen to me. But honestly his advice wasn't too helpful anyway, but it was someone I could vent to in a way because none of my real life friends know how unexperienced I am in a love life. I even told him I signed up for a dating coach thing the last day we spoke and then I wrote because my love life sucks. And then he goes "what love life lol" he just became more an more insensitive. He told me you got to show people they need you. The girl he is with now

    • he met like 2 weeks ago apparently she's the hottest girl in the college. He claims to be with her but the pic he sent me is like a stalker pic that people take from sitting in their seats when the other person isn;t looking, but since he wanted to bring her to our meet up before I guess she's real. I told him though if she wasn't "super hot" you wouldn't have gone up to her. That's my point its different for guys and girls. Anyway I think I went on a rant again lol I think your totally right

    • he was super insensitive. He told me he didn't want to say what he was thinking because "I'm a fragile state" and I told him go ahead and literally the thing above is what he wrote me. I told him about all the issues I dealt with and he told me to brush them off. I say one thing to him and he can't even handle that. I told him I never meant to offend him and I truly wish him the best with everything. good bye. he never replied back and whatever I deleted his number.

  • Stop talking to him

    • I really want to say something back. Is it mean what he said?

    • No it wasn't mean you're acting crazy! He was being honest and he even kept it to himself for awhile after you pissed him off. He has a girlfriend. Of course she wanted to come to the meeting with you, she doesn't trust you. He has no obligation to you. You've already insulted him. Leave him alone. Delete his phone number. Delete him on social media. Go get help for yourself because you are depressed or something. Leave him alone.

    • I just told him that I wasn't trying to offend him. And I appreciate that he was honest and that I don't to bother him anymore and wished him well.

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