How do you tell a guy you can't be more than friends?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and after a week of breaking up, I started seeing this guy. He seemed to be OK and I thought I like him because he seemed to be cool and I saw a real gentleman in him.. but on our third date, I already found him a little bit boring and sometimes, we run out of things to talk about. After our date, he walked me home and asked me if he can invite me for dinner at his place within the week - I said yes and thought I might give him another chance. Upon saying goodbye, he attempted to give me a kiss on the lips and my immediate response was to avoid that kiss and just smiled at him instead. It was a bit awkward actually because as I see his reaction, he seemed quite embarrassed but I didn't know what to say. I realized, I couldn't do it.. and I know for sure, I haven't moved on from the very recent break up. I called my ex and I said I wanted to see him..

To make the rest of the story short, my ex and I got back together the same night.

The guy seems really nice and is sweet and actually, he called me again tonight to confirm our dinner on Thursday - I just told him, I will confirm tomorrow if I can make it or not. I know I really can't come but I don't know what to say. Now, I really don't know how to tell him that I can't continue dating him anymore without sounding I may have just played with his feelings. Any advice guys? I'd really appreciate it.

In the nicest possible way please. Hope I can hear out guys opinions too.
Thank you for your responses- and it all ended tonight. I thought the guy I was dating was really nice so I decided to just confirm on the date and talk to him in person instead. Went pretty well. He was the first to open up even before I found the courage to say it (glad he did). When we were about to say our goodbyes, he asked me how I feel about him. I was kinda beating around the bush at first until I finally said I just don't feel "it".
He said, he was really attracted to me but he felt that I'm not when he tried to kiss me the last time. He accepted it like a real gentleman but yeah, I still offered him friendship... I told him we still can hang out if he want to but just as friends then I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before I left.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just say it to him as it is, that you didn't feel the spark, you don't think you're right for each other and you don't want to get his hopes up. I wouldn't mention the getting back with the ex part. There's no real introduction to that. Maybe something like: "hey, I called you because I wanted to talk to you about something. You probably noticed the bit of awkwardness when we said our goodbyes after the date the other day? It's because I don't really feel a spark between us and it wouldn't feel right to kiss you then. I didn't want you to get your hopes up, but maybe we should just stay friends."

    Something like that? Or instead of calling him, just meet up with him, though not everybody likes it getting rejected (or dumped) face to face and prefer it through phone or something.

    Good luck!

    • Well, maybe it's me but this seems a nice way..

    • Yeah, I thought this is a nice way actually.. Just waiting for some more advice.. and you're right, he doesn't deserve to be dumped over the phone because he really is a nice guy that's why those words are hard to find. Thanks a lot!

    • Yeah, I understand though, it's welcome to have a guys perspective on this too :) Good luck with the message!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Long Answer:

    You sound like a real mess...

    You break up with your boyfriend, and within one week, you're already seeing another guy?... smh...

    REDEEM yourself and come clean to the poor man - tell him you're a floozy and that you're back with your old man :P

    and don't bullsh*t him and say "We can still be friends" BECAUSE -

    1. You know damn well you don't want to ever see this guy again, and

    2. Even if you seriously DID want to be friends with him, there's NO WAY you two can have a platonic "non-sexual" relationship now that after all of this has transpired...

    Short Answer:

    "Hi xxxx,

    I had fun before, but I messed up and went back to my old boyfriend. I feel like a jerk, but I owe it to you to tell you the truth...

    Again, I'm sorry."

    - xxxx

    • Thanks for the advice. I'm taking it as possitive actually and yes, I totally accept I was such a mess that's why I was trying to fix it.. but ended pretty well though.. no, I didn't mention about my boyfriend and I getting back together.. I thought that would be unnecessary.

    • Unnecessary for YOU maybe - but you owe it to the guy to tell him the truth.

  • I just hope the guy didn't pay for dates. Guys take note: Sometimes going to a hooker or escort is just better.

    • yeah, maybe if you're looking for a girl for a night.

    • FYI. Just because you paid for the date doesn't mean we will sleep with you.

    • I feel sorry for the guy actually .All that time wasted. Men always get screwed in dating.

What Girls Said 1

  • Call him right now so he's not waiting and tell him you're sorry but you've gotten back together with your ex. Just be honest.

    • I've thought of that actually but I knew that would just be so rude so I decided not to and wait.

    • It's not at all! It's the truth. At the very least he will appreciate that and understand that it's nothing personal against him.