Drinking, flirting and coming on strong during first date?

I'll try not to ramble!

Met guy online. Articulate guy with good job. He called twice (each were hour long convos). He asked me out for dinner Sat night (I know, Sat nites are serious.) He took cab from his part of town & I drove from mine. Had dinner then he wanted to go somewhere else. (He told me my online photos didn't do me justice and I have beautiful skin. Made references to things about me, remembered stuff, showed genuine interest.)

Went to a bar, still early and quiet and good for talking. Date lasted 4 1/2 hours with constant talking, joking, flirting and touching (both of us). I think he drank too much (2 beers w/dinner and 4 at the bar) because he became more brazen in his flirting (kissing me on the forehead, etc. - still cute though) and he also ramped up usage of sexual words (not related to me but in general). I think he said things that probably shouldn't be discussed on a first date! I could tell he was getting tipsy. I was torn - was it turning me off? I was still attracted but feeling awkward the last 30 min or so but didn't show it. He seemed really into me.

He walked me to my car. He hugged me - engaged in full body hug. Then he said something about definitely having to go out again to which I said, "I hope so!" Then I thought he was coming toward me to hug me again so I turned my head and hugged him. Then, he kissed me on the lips.

I didn't text him afterward to say thanks because I said thanks right after dinner...and hugged him...and agreed that we needed to go out again. I waited for him to call and...one week later, no call. I caved and sent a one-sentence text, referencing something I had a emailed him about when I first contacted him online. A fun, casual "reaching out email". IF he was feeling like he'd gotten drunk and dumb and said things he shouldn't have, I didn't want him to be embarrassed. I mean, I can sympathize with drinking because you're nervous. Why else would someone drink that much on a first date? Anyway, 3 days later and no response to my text.

I only texted because I thought he might have been thinking he drank too much and acted overly-interested and was now wondering what I thought or if I was turned off by him, his serious flirting and drinking.

I haven't done anything since my text 3 days ago and won't do anything else. But I just wanted to know what to make of this? Your input is very much appreciated!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Never text. It's cold and without emotion, regardless of the words. Call him direct or better yet, visit him either at his workplace or his home. But only if you want this to go further. Most guys are shy and have no idea how to communicate with a woman. Don't expect a man to understand a woman's hints or her "looks". Guys have no idea how to translate a hint to anything meaningful or worse yet get the wrong message. Be direct and clear with him. Tell him what you want. Ask him if he wants to date you then you suggest a time and place. Some guys just need your guidance; men fumble when asking for dates or even making conversation...most guys panic without showing it other than being silent.

    • They've had one date, do not go to his work or home. That's psycho stalker chick behavior.

    • OMG! I'd NEVER go to his work or home. Yes, that IS crazy psycho stalker chick behavior. Geez, it should have be obvious to him that I'm a classy girl with standards. I mean, that's the way I carry myself.

      I don't buy that either, that guys can't gauge interest. Give men more credit! They're not that clueless! :) I wasn't a non-talking, cold fish toward him. (Go back and re-read the post.) And I've had guys ask me out with no encouragement whatsoever. Thanks for your feedback.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • As to the person who said guys can't gauge interest...I have the experience and knowledge over many years over any of the "boys" who can answer that issue. Men never understand a woman's signals and usually get it wrong. Men need directness, and if you can't be direct then there will be issues in the relationship. As for going to his work or home; if she didn't contact me soon I would assume that she wasn't interested nor thought I was worth the bother to contact. After talking to many of my guy friends, we all agreed with that stance. Make it easier for us guys...you women drive us crazy with "clues", "hints", "looks" and "reading one's mind". As for classy girls, most of us can already figure that out by the way she's dressed and how she treats others (like waiters, waitresses, bar tenders).

  • Perhaps he gave up his phone, went berserk because he drank too much and went to live in the forest like an animal, out of shame.

    Perhaps the police found his meth lab and he's now jailed for the next thirty years.

    Perhaps he engaged in the army and is now fighting in Mali.

    Perhaps his wife found out.

    Or perhaps he was simply not interested enough, despite all he said.

    But honestly, if he had been interested, he would have contacted you again, within two days.

    • I'm thinking meth lab as well. Did he smell like toluene and drano?

    • I agree that a guy isn't interested if it takes him too long to contact a girl. However, I don't believe in that 2 or 3 day rule. What guy thinks he needs to follow some arbitrary "rule"? I've had nice guys who were nervous to contact me do eventually, even it took more than 2-3 days. And my guy friends say the "rules" about when to call are a bunch of bull.

    • Well it's not really a rule, but I can just say that if I really liked a woman, I won't wait a week to recontact her.

  • If he drank like that on the first, just think how it would after he gets comfortable with you. If you're into that keep after him, I think you should let it be.

    • Yeah, I thought about that. It's only common sense! If he needs to drink around me to settle his nerves and be comfortable, how's he going to be able to be around me sober? Sad. Although, I guess I should be flattered that I made him that nervous. LOL...Seriously, LOL.

What Girls Said 2

  • If I liked someone I wouldn't drink on a date nor proceed to get excessively drunk. I would also contact them right away afterwards.

    All guys who liked me were talking to me by the next day. You should move on :(

    • That's exactly what bothered me so much. I liked the person he was when he called and we talked on the phone. And I liked the person he was when were at dinner. But after he ordered that 4th or 5th beer I got uncomfortable and thought, "You think he'd care about making a better first impression on a first date. He must not care." Kinda sad. He was fine up until that point. And even if it was nerves that made him do it, he could have addressed the issue with me afterward. It was a weird date!

    • Excessive drinking is not bad... but his not returning your texts IS bad.

    • MikeK - If you want a second date excessive drinking IS bad!

  • Just bullsh*t smooth talker or a con artist from around the corner

    • LOL. Yeah, but smooth talkers generally don't require alcohol to be smooth. They just naturally are. The guys who are a bundle of nerves need the drink. (He didn't seem like a con artist. He's a man with a high level job and an MBA.)