Guy tells me to message him later?

Okay. So, we've been talking on and off for a week. Since we don't know each other, but attend the same college, I've been trying to go with the flow and give him time to set up a date/meet. Probably because of the possible dangers of meeting online, but also because I think I gave him the impression that I'm cautious because I didn't give him my first - and sorta unique - name right off the bat for safety purposes. We are on the same campus after all and he knows the program I'm in. We've had some really good conversations. I really don't think I'm imagining the fact that he was interested and flirting. He even apologized and acted upset that his message didn't send the other day because it looked like he was ignoring me and he made it clear it was an app defect and that he was horrified. He seems nice, humble, very smart, and extremely handsome a.k.a. A Great Catch. He even wants a mature relationship that leads to commitment.

Besides the fact that he hasn't set up a meet date (that I think might be my fault for seeming overly cautious), but the last two times we've talked, he's said "Message me later:)". Or "Message me in the morning:)". I found this odd. He's been good about messaging me first, then out of nowhere, he says that as we're saying good night last night and again today, after I told him I had to go and would talk to him later.

I'm just confused as to why he's doing this? I don't think he needs affirmation that I like him, considering I have literally stroked his ego more than any man I've ever encountered (he seriously seems like everything I'm looking for, so I'm actually sincere in my stroking). Is he wanting me to chase him? Not interested? Is he lazy? Afraid he's bothering me? He seems so sweet, so this behavior is odd to me.

To be honest, I really don't know how I feel about being told what to do, even if it is done "nicely".

Clarification, thoughts guys?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • One possible explanation: Guys need women to make it 100% clear they are safe to proceed. For the vast majority of men, the fear of rejection is very close to ruling their behavior. Only the most confident men will run the risk of rejection without clear signals.

    Also for consideration: He is 100% beta male. He will not make the first move because he is nowhere even close to an alpha. If you are OK with checking your softer side for a pair of pants, you can feel free to ask him out, just know that he will not be the man of the relationship.

    I would make it clear you would like to meet, and see which of the two above scenarios it is.

    • Hmm. I gave him my number in the last minute message I sent him last night. Isn't that clarification enough?

What Girls Said 1

  • He probably just doesn’t want the conversation to end, so he’s saying these things in order to get you to continue it tomorrow if you want. Even though he is technically telling you what to do, he’s also kind of putting you in control of the situation. He likes you, and if you -- the one in control -- do what he says and message him in the morning, then you probably like him back, which will make him very happy. Of course, you also have the choice to not message him, which will probably make him think you don't like him, which will make him sad.

    I don’t think he’s coming from a bad place; he just genuinely wants you to talk to him. I can definitely understand your frustration, though! I’d prefer a guy to just message me, instead of messaging me to message him. Like, what’s the point in that? Is he not man enough to just make the first move?

    • Exactly! Guys usually don't have hidden meanings. Lol. Well, from the advice of another guy - who said I should message him ASAP before the night was up - got me to message him. All I said was that I it had been a long day and I wanted to keep my promise, though he was probably asleep. I told him I hoped he had a good day. Then, said P.S. and gave him my # and told him to text me sometime if he wanted. That should show that I like him. If he doesn't respond well, I was reading him wrong...