Ladies, did I do the right thing?

So my ex girlfriend dumped after dating for 10 months. She told me that she never loved me. In all fairness, I never told her that I loved her during that year, but I think I was workng towars developing those feelings.

I tried to get her back during the initial breakup by pouring my heart to hear in a long, handrwritten letter, but to no avail. What makes the breakup complicated is that we are in the same social circle and tend to run into each other here and there. That's why I wanted to keep things amicable even though she said things that hurt me.

Anyway, 2 months of NC passed and we then saw each other at an event. I approached her, smiled and said hello. She was friendly enough, but not too warm. The next time, she was bit friendlier. Then a month passed when I did not see her. When I did and I approached to say hello, she went completely cold and rude on me. I was stunned and hurt, but maintained the high road.

I later found out that her friends had told her that I had been seen socializing and dating other women (nothing serious). I had a feeling this would get back to my ex, but if the ex was interested in a reconciliation, should she not have made that clear? Couldn't she make a move since she dumped and told me not to contact her again? I was also put off by the fact that, while she told me we can remain friends, that I could fee free to call her for coffee, but that she would never call me, because she "had a full life.". That hurt. She also told me that she was used to guys chasing her, including her exes who were married. I did not want to be one of those guys and feed her ego.

Nevertheless, if I was hoping for a reconciliation, did I really blow it by dating other women and having a life with female friends?

We are not talking a week or month after the breakup before I was seen with other women (once again, nothing serious and mostly platonic), but months.

Thanks for any help/advice/insight.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow that chick is a capital B capital ITCH. Honestly I think you did do the right thing, because you don't want to be with someone who makes you feel obsolete and unworthy of her affections. Her problem is that she is probably bitter about past break ups and listening to advice from friends can really change how a girl views you. The fact that you started dating other girls was like a slap in face to her. Women like her want you to grovel at their feet and be lost without them.

    To me it doesn't seem worth it if you have to be the one to contact her all the time. She's joking right? There are plenty of girls who will want to be with you for YOU, and not be on a damn high horse with her panties up her ass.

    Call it quits with this chick and find you a better girl. Goodluck! :)

    • haha..thanks. Yes, in fact one of my friends told me that she emphasized the fact that it was SHE who broke up with me, as if she was really proud of it. If I had groveled and she had said no, I am certain I would feel worse than I what I feel now. When we said we could still remain friends, she said that meant that we could contact each other for our birthdays. Of course, my birthday came and went recently and not a peep from her. In fact, she made other plans that night and made sure I knew.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • I wouldn't worry about it. If she wanted to be with you she would be. DO whatever you feel and take care of yourself. Sounds selfish, but it's just you doing what you do, and eventually she can decide to be with you or not, but if she doesn't want to be with you she has no right to get mad if you choose to see other people. You shouldn't feel bad for moving on, because in her words, she already did. If you see her and want to say hi, do it. If it were me, I wouldn't.

    • Thanks. I have been out socializing with women, and I know my ex knows about. I am not necessarily doinb this to piss her off. If she came back to me, I would not be dating anyone else. But, really, what I am supposed to do? Put my social life on hold on the off chance she will come back? I think she now resents me because she feels weird coming out to parties/functions if I am there with girls. But, she made the choice to breakup, so it's on her if she feels uncomfortable about going out, right?

  • If she was used to guys chasing her, this is why she got upset when she heard you were moving on. She was okay with saying hi until she found out that there are other women interested in the guy she coldly dumped.

    You have done your part. You have remained noble and tried to keep the peace.

    Continue to be civil.If you see her, smile and say hi with your hand but do not make any effort to do anything beyond that. If she is interested in talking further, she can make the move. You will only be boosting her ego if you keep trying. I am all for trying, but somewhere a line has to be drawn.

    Good luck and I hope you find a woman deserving of you.

    • Thank you very much for that encouraging and well-thought response.

    • No problem at all! : )

  • Let her say hi to you.

    • Thanks...well, in all fariness, she did say hi to me first once, on the street. This was, of course, after I had approached/said hi to her first on previous occassions. Otherwise, I am sure she would have just ignored me. This, despite the fact that she claimed she wanted to remain friends. But, I guess we can't be friends if I am not broken up about her and I am out dating while she apparently is not.


  • This girl sounds like nothing but drama, move on dude, you deserve way better!

    • Thanks...I just can't help thinking what would have happened had I just laid low, not date around and not been seen with female friends around her own friends. Perhaps there may have been a chance for reconciliation, but I don't know. I will never know.

    • You have to remember that she broke it off with you, not vice versa. And then to act cold toward you because you went on with your life. Its immature. Do you really want to reconcile with someone that can turn on you like that? I heard in a song that sometimes the one you want I not the one you need...and its so true!

    • Yes! I have heard that song as well. I was in fact disappointed that she turned the way she did. It'snot as though I went out and dated the first girl I meet a week or a month after the breakup. We are talking months (but perhaps my ex didn't realize that). Later, she acted cold towards a friend of mine who used to be friendly with her for no other reason that he and I are now pals. I just had no idea she would take the breakup like this, especially since she said she wanted to remain friends.

What Guys Said 2

  • I've been in a similar situation (breakup, very small campus, new relationship, got back to ex...) and had to see her again pretty often. I would honestly just continue with the quick greeting, and move on (literally, keep going wherever you were going, don't stop for a chat). If you're dating other people in any capacity, I wouldn't expect her to be happy about it, even if she dumped you. It might not make sense, but then dating and relationships aren't exactly rational anyway.

    Keep taking the high road, keep calm, you'll be happier for it I think. And besides, every time she gets all pissy and you stay cool, it reinforces the idea that you're the more mature party here =P. If you want your "win" (or at least don't want to give her hers) don't ignore her. Ignore her previous hissy fit. It's beneath you. Goodluck ;)

    • Thanks, bud. I appreciate the comment. I agree with you. Sometimes, it's best to kill them with kindness. She was cold to me and I did not respons in kind. I maintained my civility and graciousness. I think that threw her for a loop.

    • So, how did you get back with the ex, especially after you were in a new relationship? Did she come back to you? I think my ex may have (big emphasis on maybe) been open to a reconciliation if I was willing to beg and chase (like she told me others exes have), but I simply could not bring myself to do it. As much as I wanted her back, I respected my own dignity more.

  • She's a b!tch. You don't need her, just move on.

    And the more you attempt to initiate with her following more rejections, then the more you will want her.

    • Thx..yes, it's a bit ironic. I think I wanted her more after she broke up with me. I was starting to get used to the break up when she was friendly with me, but then when she went cold, I was upset again and wondered about getting her back. But, there is nothing I can do. If I reach out to her, she will likely reject me, have a great laugh about, and tell the world. All I would accomplish is boosting her ego while deflating mine.