This guy I have been seeing is talking to other girls.

I know this sounds terrible. But this guy I have been seeing since April has been talking to other girls.

We're not official, but we practically live together now and he calls me his girlfriend and has introduced me to his family and everyone calls me his gf.

He just said he isn't ready to make a committment (ie. marriage) just yet and doesn't want to make it official until he is ready for that.

Well he left his fb open the other day and it was on a message that he had sent to another girl. He has been talking to her on an online dating site and they were planning on meeting up. He has talked to her as recently as October 16, 2013.

He also has a lock on his phone now, and I had asked him about that and he said it was because someone at work suggested he had one. Well I found out through the message that the girl he was talking to prefers to talk on the phone (through texts). So now I know why.

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to seem all crazy stalkerish. But I don't really like the fact that he is talking to other girls. He gets jealous when he thinks I might be talking to other guys (which I'm not).

So what should I do? I moved in with him temporarily since I had no place to go (my landlord needed the space that I was renting back, and I was unable to find something in the short time).

So now I come home, cook meals for him and help him with chores and his studies.

I definitely feel like I'm being used. But he has said that he really likes me, but he isn't sure I am the one.He said that he fears that he is doubting it because he's searching for this ideal woman that doesn't exist.

So I don't know what to think. We have been fairly honest and up front with each other about things and this has been the only real secret we have had.

I do pay him rent, although not a lot, but it's still $200 a month. I only have a couple bags of clothes. I didn't bring anything else with me as it's in storage until I find a place to live.

We were considering moving in together, but after what I saw the other day I'm not sure that's a good idea anymore.

We share $$ for groceries and the deal is if I cook meals he has to clean the dishes. So far it's been working.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The guy you've seen seeing is also the guy you've been living with. When a girl is living with a guy, one thing that is completely out of line and a no-no is his pursuing other girls. If he calls you his girlfriend then you ARE his girlfriend and there's nothing more official than that since couples don't get certificates once they start being girlfriend/boyfriend. His telling you that he isn't ready to make a commitment and telling you your his girlfriend at the same time is a huge conflict so what you really have with him as far as a relationship is absolutely nothing at all! You are being used but remember you moved in since you had no place to go. He said himself that he's not sure you are the one for him which means he's still looking. From now on just consider him a friend and either move out first chance or consider yourself a tenant of his. If you're not paying him rent then consider the things you're doing for him as rent. But don't make any plans of being with him in the future. He can still say he likes you as well as being fairly honest with you when it comes to things that don't concern you. The most important thing between you and him that is completely unsettled is your relationship with him. Don't ever let yourself be used or put in a servant position with a guy because when you do you lose your self-respect and self-esteem and those are too hard to get back. If you don't mind continuing to stay there get it straight with him that it's as a friend and that you plan to move as soon as you can. Meantime, you can continue to cook his meals and help him with his chores since you probably don't pay him rent. DON'T have sex with him as a means of feeling like you're entitled to stay there for free. A person needs to keep their character and morals up during life in order to find happiness and if they don't, they're in for a miserable time. Come to a decision with him and act accordingly and look to your future. Keep your mind positive and Good luck to you!

    • After reading your update to your question my suggestions/advice remains the same. I don't think your moving in together is a good idea either. That's good that some parts of your moving in with him temporarily has been working, but sharing the cost of groceries, you doing the cooking and he cleaning the dishes doesn't begin to address the issues you mentioned. Since he's told you he's not sure you're one and is actively seeking another girl, you should take him for his word and move out..

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • It doesn't sound as if he's been honest with you at all. As I've said on here many times, I talk with many girls at the sometime, and I'm OK with girls talking with other guys at the same time (as long as she gives me a fair shot and isn't stringing me along). But if he calls you his girlfriend and is talking with other girls, he's not making any sense. His behavior implies that he's investigating his options and he'll only settle for you if he has to. Now, I couldn't handle and would never settle for being someone's second option. If I were you, I'd get my life in order and move out as soon as I could, and then move on.

  • To me this would seem to be one of those common growing pains that women go through untile they gain more maturity with more experiences in life. I would have to believe that your a good woman perhaps expecting most things in life to be fair . Welcome to some of the bs that happens in life. Your boy'z got game but still ,you really should have sniffed this one out a long time ago.

    I really do hope that you will get yourself into a better situation...and soon so that you will remain a good catch, untarnished so that a better man can appreciate you. But for now I think that you should "get your head out of the sling". He has strung you along way tooooo long...while using you at the same time without anything solid to build on. Get a plan B... you should not attatch yourself emotionally (:

  • Ok...this is a good question yet so complexed. I say so because any given guy can show love differently based on their own personalities and experiences.Simply he may start to make himself more availiable nearly most of the time.

    Time and consistancy is a really good indicator...while at the same time he occasionally starts to take shots with the unusual more deeper emotional type conversations. You can also start to tell by how unusually passionate and attentive he may become in bed...

    If he is tryin not to show it: could be (immaturely) he does not want to appear weak or

    relinquish any control with- in the relationship too soon, which helps

    to keep you intrested.

    Doesn't want to appear desperate: could be for the same reasons.

    Being shy: doesn't quite make any sense...a grown man being shy, could indicate deeper

    underlying issues (:


What Girls Said 3

  • Well sweetie, no offense, but this is you DO NOT give a guy your all until things are official.

    Some guys are just pigs: plain and simple. Their primary concern is their dick, not your heart and you shouldn't invest so much into them because they wouldn't do the same for you. I don't mean to be harsh, but I just want you to understand that. If possible, move out and move on. You can do better, girl! How effing tacky can he get!? Living with you, treating you like a girlfriend, yet witholding the title and basically still dating others?! That is so wrong! I don't want to make you feel bad but this is why you shouldn't give girlfriend or wife treatement to a guy who hasn't given you the actual title because too many guys out there simply don't deserve it.

  • I agreed with the rest , to move out and don't give him everything including intimacy.

    He is definitely not settled henceforth he is talking to other girls.

    If a person tells me that I am his girlfriend I take it as it is official especially if you move in with him. by moving in with someone of opposite gender it is clear that both parties see each other as long term partners.

    there are many selfish guys out there just to make use of other girls for their own pleasure so don't be taken in by him.

  • Don't cook meals for him or help him with his studies anymore. YOu are putting way more in than you get. You aren't his girlfriend and you aren't the only one so stop it. Pull back from him. Pay your rent and start looking for new guys. start going out and meeting new guys and putting yourself out there. also save your money and don't sleep with him anymore

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