How bad did I mess up? How can I fix this?

I met this guy about three months ago. We hit it off great and talked (texted) every day (called once in while) for the last two and a half months. He was in the military and just came home this past week.

While he was away, he always said good morning gorgeous, would say I can’t wait to see you, I wish I was there with you, I miss you. He seemed pretty genuine based on his past relationships that he told me about.

About three weeks ago he has been acting very distant. Hardly responds to texts, has told me that, “the more I text him when he doesn’t respond, the longer he waits and doesn’t want to respond.” I know he was busy getting ready to come home, too.

I can be very pressing at times because I hate being ignored. It is something that sets me from 0-60 in seconds. I told him, I hate when people purposefully ignore me. It is something that hurts more than anything.

Now, I may have overreacted and sent multiple messages like 2-3 the last three days, just trying to fix things or figure out where I stand. I tried to make amends and apologize, but he hasn’t responded. I am worried and just want to fix it. I know I should have just let him have his space, and I know I messed up, but I’m hurt by the ignoring act.

Just how bad did I mess up? Is there anything I can do or say to fix this? How long will he stay mad at me?

I miss him and just want to go back to how things were when we met.

If anyone has any advice or experience, please share.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He's already told you, point-blank, what he's thinking: basically, "I don't like it when you text so much or demand an immediate response." That sounds like he's being fairly clear and direct about what he wants and doesn't want... and especially for a guy ;-)

    Could you try to listen to *his* advice and back off a bit? I know that you hate being ignored (I hate it too,) but a big part of dating is being able to be patient and collected even if you aren't getting the attention you want, when you want it. Listening to the other person is also a very important part of dating... so if he's telling you that he'll actually wait LONGER when you're being pushy, well, you can either listen to him and give him some time to respond, or keep doing the exact thing he doesn't like and push him away.

    I wouldn't worry so much about "fixing" anything, since it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong that needs to be addressed. I really think if you let it be for a few days, do your own thing and don't text him or pressure him, and TRUST that you WILL hear from him again, it will all turn out okay.

    • I know I should have listened and I can only blame myself. I am not a patient person.. =(. It's even harder when someone does something purposefully. It would be much easier to talk about the problem, fix it, and say we will talk in a few day, rather than wait it out. I am trying not to worry so much, but it's not easy. Hopefully, like you said, he just needs a few days to get over it and I didn't ruin anything. I would hope he isn't the type to write me off over one mishap. Thanks! =)

    • Don't be too hard on yourself, darlin! If you guys were getting along and didn't have any other problems, I really don't think that giving a little *too* much attention is going to ruin your relationship. It seems like it gets on his nerves a bit, but you had good intentions and it's something that you can easily work on. I know that patience isn't easy- it can be pretty damn difficult- but waiting a little while longer isn't going to kill you, and it does get easier with practice.

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What Girls Said 1

  • First thing you need to do is relax, ? men aren’t that complicated. I know it will be hard, and I know you may not even listen to me. but what you need to do is let him have his space. How long will he be mad at you. I don’t think he is mad at you . I think you have giving him a lot of control over this budding relationship. What I always tell the girls I mentor is you have to have a hobby something that can occupy your mind so you won’t be so busy focusing on the man in your life. By hobby not to insult your intelligence, I mean get in to skating, knitting, join a movie group or a book club, something that can keep your mind of when was the last time he responded to your text ?. Believe me all women have been there, we constantly need confirmation on where we stand, but what we don’t understand is we need to get this confirmation from ourselves not the man in our life. One or two things will happen from this. (give or take) you go on about your life don’t text him. He will either. 1. Contact you and you guys will continue in this budding relationship, or 2. he will move on. The main thing is just to let him have his space. I believe he will come around if only out of sheer curiosity about why you haven’t call or text him

    • I appreciate your advice. It is helpful. I know what I did wasn't so horrible, but I feel like it because things changed. It seems like he cares and by what he has said to me throughout the past few months, I believe he does. I just don't know how much a guy can hold it against a girl and I certainly don't want him to think I am crazy. I just wanted to talk to clear the air because I feel its a huge misunderstanding. I hope he goes with #1. =) Thank you!