Will he respect her boundaries?

A question about 20 year old guys...


Will he respect her boundaries?

They've been hanging out for three days. There was some chemistry there in the beginning and on the second day she kissed him. Not a makeout session, just a kiss on the mouth. He got a little handsy during the kiss but she moved his hands back to her waist and held them there.

On the third day she went to his dorm and they were watching T.V. and cuddling and he put his hand on her breast. She got upset and told him that she had boundaries for touching and left.

They've been texting a little - she's still upset about it. He asked her if she just doesn't like being touched at all or if it was just that he touched her there. She said it was that he touched her there.

He said the girls he'd been with before never had boundaries and since she didn't object to the kissing he thought it would be okay.

She specified her boundaries on touching, kissing, sexual things to him then over text.

The question is, if they hang out in the future, will he respect her boundaries or cross them?

He didn't know of them when they started hanging out but now he does. Do you think he will respect them?

Does it depend on the guy?

I asked my boyfriend and he said that since she didn't lay down the law in that area before getting physical (kissing) he had no way of knowing (other than prior experience with girls) what was okay or not, and that he probably would not respect the boundaries in the future.

What are your thoughts?

She really likes this guy aside from the fact that he just crossed the line tonight. She came to our dorm in tears about it. And I could only tell her that in order to know what kind of guy he was she'd have to hang out with him again.

What do you think?

He's 20

He's had 3 prior sexual partners

He's really laid back but enjoys partying

Not that those three things would mean anything but maybe they will to someone.

  • He'll respect them
    Vote A
  • He won't respect them
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • "She specified her boundaries on touching, kissing, sexual things to him then over text." is like Charlie Brown / Lucy, made me laugh some -

    like Lizzie said, he didn't know her boundaries at first - that's understandable.

    will he repeat offend? I want to say yes, he got in trouble, learned his lesson, but honestly, it's like a dog with a treat on its nose. he may not be able to resist. one more repeat offense & I think yeah he's probably about something your friend is not.

    how old is your friend, by the way?


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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Girls Said 3

  • I'm not voting. I don't know the guy so I can't answer that. She'd have to see him again to know how he'd react. However I think it's pretty clear that he wants sex and she doesn't. If sex is really important to him and she doesn't want to then she shouldn't get further involved. If he does respect the boundaries then go for it.

  • Depends on the guy - you can't put all 20 year old guys into one category and expect them all to behave the same way.

    It seems he didn't totally understand her boundaries properly that first time. I say it's fair to give him the benefit of the doubt here. It's good he got the boundaries clarified now.

    I vote to give him another chance, but if he pushes at them again without discussing it with her first, then yeah, she should back away.

  • If he didn't respect her before, he won't respect her the next time. She will get treated the way she allows herself to be treated.. if she even has to ask the question then she doesn't trust him so he is probably a jerk.

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