Why do some people completely cut contact off with someone, with no 'goodbye,' or notice at all?

I met this guy in about August, we hung out/went a date. I thought it went well because he said it went well, and I rather enjoyed myself, too. However, after replying to his text (just a regular "how are you doing" text), he replied back in about 3 days, saying his phone was "shut off." We texted for about 3-4 days straight, then he did it again, but this time he never replied back. It's almost December and he still hasn't. I thought about texting him, but I don't want to bother someone uninterested, plus I don't have his number anymore.

I really don't get why he just disappeared without saying anything. We have so much in common- it was crazy! Plus he was the one that showed interest first. I ran into him on the bus recently and it was like we were strangers. I didn't get how he just up and left, it's not like were bf/gf, all we did was hang out once. We didn't even have sex, and he was very respectful- no handsy or anything.

Why do people leave without a notice? Have you ever done something like this, and why? Don't you think a "hey, I'm not interested," or something like that should at least be said.


Most Helpful Guy

  • this is something that has to do with him not you. He is not able to come out and tell you he is not interested even though he told you he was. He likes you he's just not that into you he doesn't want to hurt your feelings so he finds it easier to just let you drift away to make it easier on both. don't try to contact him again if you force it you will hurt yourself with a person like this they will pretend and make you think they like you just enough to not hurt you, but this won't work and you will end up hurt and them relieved to of gotten away despite the fact that they can't man up and tell you the truth. keep working on you right now sweetheart the right man will come to you.

    aka. magic man

    • Thanks! That all makes a whole lot more sense. It's easier to understand with your two cents. For sure, I'll keep working on me. The guy will come, when he comes, I've got more to life than relationship and dating.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • The only two logical explanations I can come up with, are:

    1 - the person never actually cared about you, or

    2 - there's unresolved business, the person is angry with you.

    I do agree a goobye would be appropriate, but you'll find that people find it a lot easier to just let go and never look back. Most people pick the easy way, it's how humans are wired. It's way easier to never contact the other person again, than to possibly get into a whole awkward conversation in which they have to explain everything.

    • I guess the only thing I could see it being is the first reason. He didn't really know me enough to be angry with.

      It is rude to leave without saying goodbye, but I guess I can see why people do that. Some people hate confrontation, feelings and all that yucky stuff. Thanks for the answer!

    • Show All
    • I don't like to be led on, therefore I don't like to lead people on. I don't like to treat people like that, but sometimes they just shy away (rather run away) before I can set things right. They're loss.

    • Well, that's good. At least you don't purposely lead people on. Having them shy-away is a different story.

  • From what you described he has a girlfriend guaranteed.

    A guy shuts off his phone like that when his girlfriend is around so that she won't see another girl messaging him. He also avoids replying to you while his girlfriend is in the vicinity which can be a few days at a time.

    It sounds like he dated you to test out whether his girlfriend is good enough to stay with or if he's missing out on other, better women.

    It could just be because he's a man and wanted to try spending some time with someone different which explains why he was very respectful with no handsy etc.

    Don't waste to much time thinking about it and just continue dating as usual. You seem like a great girl and all the evidence points towards the fact that this had nothing to do with you.

    You can learn much more guys from this book -How to Get Men of Value


    • Really, you think so? He told me his girlfriend of a few years cheated on him with his boyfriend and he'd never be able to get back with her. But I guess, who knows? He could've just said that, so you may be right.

      Thanks so much, though! I really appreciate your in-depth answer.

  • As other said, his girlfriend gets on to him and he needs to cut his loss's quickly

    or the last thing you did/he later discovered you did - heard a rumor or something pissed him off or disgusted him.

    Very terrible character traits

    • He said he had been cheated on by his girlfriend a few months back by his best friend, but I guess he could've gotten back with her. Who knows?

      Maybe I turned him off. Anyways, thanks for the answer!

What Girls Said 2

  • I been through this. A lot of times when it happened, I later found out there was another girl in the picture :/. So its possible he was hanging out/ talking with another girl while seeing you or found someone else right after. It could really be anything though.I wouldn't bother reaching out to him too much time has gone by. Guys generally do not give an explanation.

    • Really? That sucks, I'm sorry. :/

      Yeah, I am starting to notice that. I guess it's cause they don't like to see girls hurt, but that doesn't mean we aren't hurt just because they don't literally see us hurt, ya know?

  • It's either a product of cowardice or they want to hurt your feelings.

    I think it's either that they are too passive aggressive to directly, tactfully explain to you why it is they don't want you in their life anymore. Or *not in your case, but in general*, you did something that really upset them and they seek to hurt your feelings in return.

    • Hmm probably. I can see him as being passive-aggressive. Thanks for your answer!