Why do guys make up excuses when they come back after no contact?

He's been gone for a week and a day after we kind of had a blow-out, as I finally got the truth out of him that he never saw me as more than a friend. I had been helping him get over his abusive ex whom he'd been separated from for 6 months (I have been out of my abusive relationship for a year and a half). We were just friends at first, then he began a hot pursuit in the beginning, and as I developed feelings, he started a hot/cold game of push and pull. He said he was still in love with her and wouldn't put himself in a position to hurt me and he was sorry about everything, but it wasn't anymore than friendship, despite his telling me that we had a connection and he liked me. I did a lot for this guy. Around the time he told his ex goodbye for good, is when he stopped talking to me. He took a week to himself and now...here he is...texting me out of the blue with an excuse "OMG. my happy Thanksgiving text never went through :((("

Why wait 3 days to see if your text went through...? Yeah, I don't buy it and I'm not answering him for a while. We're friends and I don't jump to answer their messages.

A simple "Hey, how are you?" would have sufficed.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe he needed some space. I'm not sure what to say about the texting thing.

    • Maybe so. Well, I text him back about 3pm yesterday and all I said was "Hey, great to hear from you. Hope you're doing swell!" He opened it an hour and a half later. No reply. This behavior is really getting on my nerves. You want to talk, but then don't reply? Friendship is more than tag texts...I have no idea what his problem is.

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    • Exactly. He told me right before our blow up that we had a connection, though he was heartbroken, but it was like a "conflict of interest". Blew my f'n mind. Maybe he was meaning he didn't want to mess up my helping him, as he saw me more like a therapist friend? Maybe that explains why he'd text me, wanting to come over...then would sabotage/talk himself out of it. Or. maybe he really does think I'm a once-in-a-lifetime woman and knew he couldn't give me what I need. It's hard, but I'm trying.

    • And, to be honest, he has no self-esteem. That's why he always goes after trashy women. He thinks he can't do better. That he doesn't deserve better. It also explains why, when I said I wanted to be friends and was really nice though he hurt me, he said I deserved a better friend. It breaks my heart. He told me his ex felt like the only thing of value he had ever had...and she was trash. It's just sad. I see a beautiful person and I think he thinks I'm of no value because I actually want him.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Guilt, my lady, guilt. he's already apologized once for his behavior.

    Guilt is very powerful even though most people pretend they aren't feeling guilty.

    So you know at least he's got a conscience!

    • But, why even try to if all I am to you is a friend? Or, someone you led on? It's a complicated story. You only got a fraction. I don't know why he's feeling guilty now. He already said that he wasn't ready for anything and that he pretty much led me on. He didn't seem super sorry then, or during the last week. Why not just let me go?

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    • Here's an update for ya. Lol. He's now trying to ask me out, but can't get up the courage to say it. *facepalm* He's dancing around the topic. We'll see how this goes..

      And, yes. Very rich.

    • A lot of people can't handle intimacy...not emotionally. Sure they can have sex, but they can't really engage emotionally.

  • I don't think all guys make up excuses. Unless it's a situation where something needs to be said , I will usually just text as usual. Text is texting and not a conversation imo. If I'm texting with someone and then get busy and reply some number of hours later in the day, I don't feel like I need to say sorry for being away.

    Depending on the conversation you guys were having, that's kind of a time frame where I would feel the need to say something but I probably would just take his message as either being sincere or it's possible that he is a bit embarrassed about not messaging you and didn't want to apologize / say sorry and come off looking weak.

    Your text back sounded very nice and not sure why he didn't reply.

    • We weren't having a convo. He text me, I responded, he disappeared. I did the same thing to him (it was one that didn't warrant a response) 3 days later. He does the same thing to me a week later.

      I see your point. I don't think it was sincere. I think it was him embarrassed. I thought my reply was short and to the point. What could I have really said to his message? I'm beginning to think his texts are just to see if I'm still here. He knows my value...he just doesn't want me to get away...

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