Currently dating two guys, and I want to figure out who to invite for Christmas with my family?

I'm flying my mother and sister in for Christmas to Portland, where I'm moving to in a couple weeks. I'm seeing a guy in Seattle, where I live now. We're dating causally (no specified exclusivity commitment, but I'm pretty sure he's not seeing anyone else), but also steadily and things are moving forward at a comfortable pace. He just had me at his friends' housewarming party. We both had a cold together last week. Things are progressing.

In Portland, where I spend every weekend, I have my pro dance partner. He and I started sleeping together but aren't dating, we're in that strange place that pro dance partners are at when they do absolutely everything together, and so they become sort of something. It's tied to the dance partnership, but we're also amazing friends, we're extremely comfortable with one another, and we care for each other very deeply. I just don't know the extent of his feelings, he's hard to read. Sometimes he treats me as if I'm his girlfriend, but I know he's on online dating sites so he's open to finding someone. (By the way, the Seattle guy hasn't taken down his online dating site profile, either. I have.)

It would be weird if I didn't bring the Seattle guy, and it would be weird if I didn't bring the Portland dance partner. I can't bring them both of course. I have to make a choice. I don't know who to chose but more importantly, once I make that choice (I'm fine with either one actually), my biggest concern is what to tell the other guy! How do I not invite him, when they're both pretty much assuming they're invited (and assuming correctly, I'd invite either one in a jiffy).

Since I haven't made any commitments to either of these guys, and they haven't made any to me, I would be justified in not bringing either. But it will be a very strange conversation since it would be in the natural order of things to bring them.

Please help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • trust me, both guys are seeing other people. no doubt in my head

    • It may be true, but Seattle guy seems like he wants things to move forward. Porland guy I know inside and out, and if he was seeing someone I'd know. He reads his OKCupid messages to me, the few he gets, he's impossible. But, out of curiosity, what makes you have no doubt? You're a guy, so you must know soothing about this sort of thing ;-)

    • Show All
    • nice job! Now, please be careful with seattle guy. he obv likes you a lot so be sure you like him the same amt back and aren't just using him to keep yourself busy or whatever. That is always a problem as you know in every failed relationship - someone was more into it. Glad you figured it out!

    • Thanks! I agree, I respect him so I'd want to make sure we're on the same page about "us." As long as he has his OKC profile still active, I feel justified in having the dance guy with benefits. I naturally fall into monogamy when I don't want others and I feel special to the guy (and vice versa is true). Once Seattle guy has a talk with me about being a serious legitimate couple, I'll gladly say sayonara to fun on the side with the dance guy who's looking around instead of committing to me.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Flip a coin.

    • I'm fine with taking either. I just have no idea how to break the bad news to the other one that's not going to come. That's the hard part I need help with. I almost want one of them to bail on me for some reason, and take that burden off my hands. But that's not going to happen I don't think, I have to be ready to have a tough talk with one about why he's not invited to Christmas when he, correctly, thinks he should be.

    • Just tell them you're no longer interested. It's only as dramatic and hard as you make it.

What Girls Said 1

  • If I were in your shoes, I would not make a decision yet unless you are certain about one.

    Meeting family a big step. I would take it slower in that sense since both guys are still online dating sites.

    I would have a talk to see where you stand if this is important to you.

    • That's very good advice, thank you. I think I'll have a talk with both of them and ask them what it would mean to them, and then how comfortable we are with it. I fear that both will say, "sure, I'm completely comfortable with meeting your family." And the truth is I'm completely comfortable with my family meeting someone I've started dating over the summer as well as my hard-to-label dance partner. Neither know the other exists, so they don't feel I'm holding that spot for someone special.

    • if you are going to go with guy from Seattle, you can always tell your dance partner that you met someone and it is becoming more serious. you two will continue to be friends and dance partners but the sexual part will have to stop (you have to put your foot down) in order to be fair to all parties.

      if you are going with the dance partner...same respond.

      take your time to figure this one out