Is it too soon to bring this up?

Okay so here is a brief background: Me and this girl have along history, met about 4 years ago we started kinda seeing each other but I left things too late, failed to capitalize on 2 dates, one night out and a sleep over (no sex) and she moved on, we stopped talking mostly but she'd text me on my birthday and vice versa, that went on for about 3 years.

This year she kept talking to me, arranged to meet up with me and we went out, had a great time spent like 7 hours together having coffee then went for drinks, it was great. Part of the conversation was about both of us wanting more serious plans for life, she also told me about 2 guys she'd been seeing and they hadn't worked out, one guy she really like (the one she moved onto) messed her around but she showed me a text to clarify she was over him now (he texted twice she didn't reply).

She suggested another meet up and I took the opportunity to arrange one which will be tomorrow, we're going for a meal then drinks again and we've been texting all week.

Basically after leaving it too long last time and being told I just see you as a friend, to her going out of her way to contact me and arrange meetings, I'm not sure where this is going. I'd love to ride the wave and maybe get 3-4 dates under my belt but that was the mistake last time, waiting too long, but I don't want to be too serious and be like 'be my girlfriend now' I mean that's where I'd like things to go maybe beginning of next year sometime ish.

but for now I just want clarity that she's seeing me for the same reasons and not 'as friends' or just to mess me around.

Is 2 dates to soon to bring this up ?

Thank you for the advice you lovely people, but unfortunately in the 2 days leading upto the date she didn't reply to my text and on the day itself she text to say she couldn't make it, her brother who works away was coming up for the last time before Christmas and then she had work all night (despite telling me she was off before and not bothering to mention work till now). Her lack of texting was due to illness apparently and she forgot... okay. So I'm not really going to pursue this one.
It looked great, we liked each other before went our separate ways and then started to rekindle but I can recognize the signs of someone not that into you and she's nailed them all in 3 days she did this before and well look how it went last time, not well.

It's a shame I really love the girl always have done she's an amazing person, but also ignorant of how someone else feels apparently. Any advice you can offer after this would be fantastic as always.

Thank you all again.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude to dude, I feel obligated to advise you to wait-and-see before you state the obvious, your desire to be exclusive with her in the near future on your dinner date with her tomorrow. Why? Doing so will not project an image of confidence, and it indirectly devalues your dating marketability to her.

    Why, do you ask, again? Most guys, well, guys that have a plethora of options, will not disclose their intentions to be in a exclusive relationship with a woman to her, whether it be a friend or an ex, shortly after meeting/reuniting with her. It's simply a floating thought at that point.

    Plus, a guy will no longer be challenge to a woman if he unwisely conveyed interest in committing to her after a few dates, which will ultimately decrease any incentive that the woman has to put forth her best face to win them over, if that's her objective, of course.

    In fact, a man expressing interest and enthusiasm in being in a relationship with a woman too soon may suggest desperateness and loneliness on his part, which is why many women quickly lose interest in guys, unbeknownst to the guy.

    All of that being said, take this time to feel her out (flirt with her, observe her body language) and have fun with her. In other words, don't be a fast mover and you should be good to go.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • That is very soon


What Guys Said 3

  • No it's not too soon. Calm down. I've said this many times and I say it again. There is no such thing as a so called firend zone. She wants a relationship with you. Sooner or later doesn't really matter.

  • You at the very least have a right to know how she's approaching this. You could ask her something like if you are dating (romantically) now or if she's just looking for friendship.

  • Well girls are different. Some may appreciate you not rushing things. You really just have to judge each situation case by case