Boyfriend checking out other girls on OUR date?

We have been dating for two and a half years. I don't expect him to NOT check out people. Hell, if I see a hot guy I look. Half the time when we are grocery shopping I'll even point out hot women. But we were on a date, we hadn't had sex in a few weeks cause we are so busy lately, and he was leaving town for Christmas in the morning. We were just playing darts and he kept checking out women. He only admits to one, but it really hurt my feelings.

I don't have high self esteem and he knows that, and we were suppose to be on a date that would follow with some sex. But when he went and stared at other people's asses with me right there it really hurt me. Again, I'm not saying that it's horrible if he ever does it, I just don't think it's OK when we are on a date.

When I called him out he got so pissed he wanted to close our tab and go home. I said no, I want to play darts and have a good night. And now when I try to talk about it, he won't.

I just want to feel attractive again. It took him 30 minutes to even bother complimenting me on how I looked that night and he instantly checks out a woman's ass.

How do I talk to him about how it hurt me?

How can I explain that doing it on dates is not OK with me?

How do I get him to compliment me more?



Most Helpful Guy

  • Weren't you saying he got upset because you offended him by saying something in front of his friend last week? I wonder if he has a tendency to get angry fairly often which isn't uncommon especially in young males since society teaches them this. My opinion is what he did was pretty inconsiderate and I'm surprised he isn't apologizing to you.

    If he doesn't know he hurt you by looking at other women of course tell him. I'd be surprised if he doesn't know but try at least.

    You tell him that you're not okay with him doing it on dates.

    The last question is hard. You could tell him you would like it, but he's probably not appreciating you or he could be bored in the relationship.

    And being busy is not an excuse for not having sex for a few weeks imo. Was he in another state? If not, I think that's a bad sign.

    • Yup. That was us.

      He is three hours away for work and he comes back on the weekends. I close at work every night. So we really are exhausted and just aren't feeling it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Men are visual--they will see nice things, from hot chicks to hot cars or motorcycles, and will watch them as they pass by. But once they pass by, it's over. Really. On to the next visual stimulus, or whatever.

    How does he TREAT you, day to day? THAT is what really matters.

  • Guys ogling is almost an instinctive thing (probably hard to understand if you're a girl), some guys do it more than others. I mean if he was going "Woo, check out the ass on that", then I'd say he has a serious lack of self control. I would guess that if you want to avoid him ogling other women when you're on a date, try going to somewhere with fewer people walking or standing around, and dimly lit (like a cozy restaurant), at least then the temptation to ogle is lessened. As far as the other questions, I don't really know the answers, although the last one is down to your own insecurities, and you really need to find a way to feel good about yourself, for example, buy some really nice clothes and shoes that *you* like, and have a makeover, visit a spa, but do it for yourself, not for him.

  • What?! Oh comeon, That's not even biggy? Why would you even do that. As you said, sex life between you guys isn't really active so I think that was completely fair. And ofcourse he would be pissed.

    DAT ass tho..haha jk:p but never do that again, Its not like he's gonna nail every single chick he stare at.

  • So, basically you don't care unless you know about it?

    If he checks out asses all day at school and at work M-F, it's fine because you aren't there to know about it.

    You say it's fine for him to look, but not fine for him to look. You choose to accept one or the other.

    Men are going to look, even with their wives present.

    We just get sneakier with it. Best to accept it.

    • No. You read that wrong. Try again.

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    • It's like you don't read the whole thing. Okay you said I'm fine if I don't know. If you read I said I only don't care if it's a date. I said I even point hot women out when we shop sometimes. So I don't care if he does it other places, just not during dates. Also, he isn't in school, he has his Bachelors, he is a civil engineer, he works with all men. So that one doesn't happen.

    • Reminds me of the movie "Big Daddy", where Adam Sandler let his kid piss on restaurant walls and throw sticks in front of roller-bladers then expect him to be an angel in school.

      If you're pointing out women for him you can't expect him to feel its wrong. Dates don't mean as much to us as it does to you.

What Girls Said 4

  • Girllllll, you are way too tolerant. See my rule when dating guys was always, you can LOOK but you can't TOUCH. & I understand that it's human nature for beauty to catch our eye, and so when we see someone attractive we automatically want to stare. But as your boyfriend, he should know better than to bluntly stare at other women's asses right in front of you.

    Even the most secure and confident woman will begin to have an altered sense of self and their own beauty if their man continued to do this. It's rude, point blank. It's like a form of seeing what else is out there, when you supposedly care about your woman. As women we naturally want to feel feminine, so when our boyfriends/ significant others do this it really makes us compare ourselves to other women. To be honest, I don't blame you for feeling that way. I remember my first boyfriend used to check out other women from head to toe, and I didn't want to say anything because we had just started dating. So I purposely started doing the same thing when I saw attractive men walking by, and I could easily tell it bothered him too. So he mentioned it once to me and said, "So hows his ass look?" and then I said, "almost as perfect as that women's boobs from an hour ago" and I remember we both just started laughing lmao. It brought us closer, tbh.He stopped doing it front of me because he knew how much it bothered me, and he knew how it felt.

    I'm not telling you to do exactly as I did, hahah. But try to bring it up in a way where you don't victimize him, but where you really tell him how it makes you feel. Guys do have the ability to refrain themselves from looking. Just like we as humans all mentally program ourselves to not check out family members. It is by no means EASY, but nonetheless possible. I can enjoy looking at other attractive men too, but I never felt the need to because I liked the person I was with, and didn't out of respect as well. I bet if you started repeatedly checking out men in front of your boyfriend, he would start questioning his own physique as well. If he loves you, he will try to not do something that he knows really upsets you.

    Good luck to you and your relationship! :)

    • I called him and spoke with him about it this morning and he apologized and everything. Multiple times. Ha. But he knows he was int he wrong and if it happens again I am definitely doing what you did

  • Hmmmm...I really think its quite strange that you don't mind your man checking out other women. Ii don't think it has to do with jealousy. Men have come up with stupid such as "you're jealous" to try and excuse their inappropriate behavior. In doing so they deflect the blame on you. Many woman ridiculously accept it. For me it would show a complete lack of respect. I certainly wouldn't point these women out to him. That was your FIRST mistake. You must be young my dear. I will have to check out your age.

    Now that you have allowed your man to disrespect you so many times in the past you can't possibly expect him to read your mind and guess which days you have decided are acceptable and unacceptable based on your emotions. That again is a form of juvenile thinking. Communicate withhim.

    Make him show you some respect and you do the same. If not, the future Iis not looking good. I woud definitely drop him if it continues. ..before he really hurts you. Use farsighted wisdom.

    • He is taken, not dead. He is GOING to notice other women. Any guy that says he doesn't is fibbing, cause it's human nature. But, I do think it is very inappropriate to do when your on a date with me and I'm watching you freaking do it, ya know? There is a difference between us getting groceries and looking and us have a romantic night together and looking. And yea, I am young. I am 21, and he is 25.

    • A quick glance because a woman walks in a room is different then what you implied your boyfriend did. Okay, you keep telling yourself that and getting your feelings hurt. I am telling you this to protect you. It's just a matter of time before he really hurts you if he keeps up this sort of behavior that you foolishly permit. So far your advice hasn't worked in your favor. Wrong is wrong whether in a grocery store or on a date. Even He doesn't separate the ideas. He sees them as the same.

  • maybe he checked out other woman while you were on a date with him because you pointed out hot woman so he probably thinks its okay to do that. the solution is simple tell him that you think it is not okay that he checks out other woman while you are on a romantic date. I am not sure why he is upset you should talk to him about it because he is your boyfriend. I am sure you know him better than the rest of us do. how do you dress currently? I do mean to sound rude, but do you keep up your looks? and do you dress in a way that he finds attractive? maybe he is having familial problems it is around the holidays. my male friends get irritated sometimes too around the holidays. do not bring up the issue at random times only bring it up if it happens again

  • He checks outs girls on dates because

    1)he is not attracted to you

    2) bored with you

    3) sex sucks

    Come on girl, they're dates. He should be focused on you, not other girls. You clearly can't keep his attention. How pathetic

    • Yea that's not it. And you have to be anonymous to say it. How pathetic.

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    • Guys just leave her alone. I know that he is attracted to me, I'm an attractive women. I get hit on, checked out, asked to dance all the time. I get compliments from strangers. I'm not worried about other people finding me attractive. I may not have a high self esteem, but I know others don't see me how I see me. Anon. is just insecure herself, otherwards she would have shown her face. It's no big deal.

    • So insulting,her just shows,how insecure you actually are in your looks