Advice needed on dating a twin.

Im dating a guy but there is a slight problem as he is a twin, he isn't an identical twin but they are very close. They go to the gym together, socialise and even work in the same company. His brother likes to interfere so I'm wondering if I should pursue this as the guy I like is the less decisive twin,his brother chooses what they do and once they were at the club and his brother decided where they would hang out and even when they leave. The guy I like seems to idealise his brother which is worrying as his brother has a girlfriend but likes to act single so I'm worried my boyfriend might copy him. Although they spend a lot of time together it's not an equal relationship as his brother likes to boss him about and wind him up.the guy I like is sweet and nice but easily influenced and his twin is not a very nice guy to his friends or his girlfriend with the way he treats her. I know they are separate people but their relationship doesn't seem healthy. Should I say something or would that be stupid to even try? Does anyone know twins and is this typical behavior that I should expect?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I would not recommend saying something to this guy about the influence his brother has over him. At least not yet. That discussion would be better if you got to a point where you had some influence as well. It's pretty clear that you dislike the kind of influence is passed between them and that you don't respect the brother. So a relationship would only be successful if he could resist that influence. That suggests that their relationship would have to weaken on some level. This is not to say he couldn't come around but it would take time. One approach open to you is to make it clear that you will only date him without his brother present. If he asks why you can say that he is not himself when he's with his brother. This is a way to focus on him, not the brother, and focus on your concern for him, not your dislike of the situation. If you come to the point where you feel like it just can't work out, you can talk to him about his twin since you have nothing to lose if he reacts badly. Even if it doesn't get through then, it might later.

    • Thanks that makes a lot of sense. It's early days at the moment so I agree it would be better to wait until I have some influence too. Whenever his brother isn't there he is more confident and not dependent. Unfortunately I think his twin realizes when he is starting to pull away from him and then comes back into hanging out a lot with him. They are only 21 but used to have separate identites and different goups of friends in high school so I'm hoping it doesn't get worse as they now work together.

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