Girls, how do you react when a guy you just started seeing mentions sex?

This seems to happen a lot with me. Like I'll go on a date with a guy and then I'll be chatting with him via text and he'll mention having sex with me. Not outright, but it'll be like "I'm in bed right now. You're welcome to join me. We can burn a lot of calories."

I don't find that amusing and when he mentions it right away I automatically think he's just wanting sex from me and nothing more. I'm pretty old fashioned and like to be intimate only when I am ready. Which can take quite a few dates.

I'm just disillusioned by the fact that it seems that most guys want instant gratification. They're not willing to court a girl and take thins slow.

Anyone else feel this way? Like, I figure if the guy likes you enough, he'll wait and not pressure you. I mean, isn't that true?

For me, any mention of sex too early is just an instant turnoff for me.

I guess I have this instant suspicion that he's in it to use me.

It's at least 3 dates for me before I'm willing to discuss it. Actually, it shouldn't even be a should be a one-thing-leads-to-another kind of thing.

And it is the biggest turnoff ever when he suggests that he wants ME to come over to his place TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

Just no.

It's really good to know that I'm not the only girl who feels this way


Most Helpful Girl

  • I totally feel the same way.

    It's like, once we've lost our virginity guys consider we've lost our standards and need for romance too.

    The only way to find out if a guy is serious is to make him wait for a month or more before sex. (And when I say sex, I don't necessarily mean HAVING sex)


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What Guys Said 2

  • This varies with the girl. Some girls are faster than others. Some can on the first date and others on 5+. If you think the guy is only in it for himself I wouldn't blame you especially because it will be a guy just thrusting, finishing, and ignoring the girl which is sad. If a guy is also taking care of a girl's needs in bed I don't think a set time frame should technically be needed. Some people can just be very sexual. I don't think you should be too untrusting of the guy unless you're getting vibes.

  • The problem is that when you lasses are dating, you're going to meet a TON of guys who fall into one of two groups.

    A. Have found that they can get sex quickly. So they want to. After all, don't people like things to their advantage? It's like how women usually wait for men to ask them out.

    B. Have found that if you DON'T push for sex, you're never gonna get it. You know what happens to a lot of guys who decide to not act sexual, make comments like that with girls? They get friendzoned, or suddenly there's no reply if they text/call the girl for a second date.

    And lastly "it shouldn't even be a discussion, it should be a one thing leads to another..."

    I can guarantee you that most of the women on here have had sex with men who learned, thought things through, and made it happen, while the ladies were deluding themselves that "sex just happens."

    It doesn't. It takes work, skill, and careful thought. Women just expect sparks to fly magically.

    • Actually no, you don't have to immediately start talking about sex to avoid being friend zoned. How about just plain old flirting?

      And how is asking do you want to have sex romantic? It's like asking a girl if you can kiss her. It completely ruins the moment...if there ever was one.

    • You don't specifically ask, when you're in person, but as far as texting goes, I think his comment to you would be more considered flirting than asking to have sex.

    • Well he did end up striahgt up asking me

What Girls Said 4

  • Agreed...i have similar issues and I love that they're taking initiative but it's too soon as they mention it I tend to cut them off and I go into bitch mode! Then it makes me assume that that's all what any guy wants and as much as I want that I want a little bit more meaning! I will tell guys "no, I'm not interested now"...either they stop talking to me or they make a new conversation.

    Best of luck, stick with your morals!

  • I'm the exact same way... I just usually switch the subject.

  • I think it's really annoying. To me, it's like the guy just wants to get knocked up because he thinks he has the guts to actually get at me (cuz he's done it with other girls) and he can't wait, and because he thinks I'm probably easy. I just end up friendzoning the dude or not even contacting him again. What more to expect on going on a date to get to know how the person really is. Go figure lol

    • yeah it makes me think he thinks I'm some easy girl. It's personally insulting

    • It really is

  • This is why I am still single I don't give it up easy like I did when I was a naive teen. And I don't settle and I have higher self esteem now. Plus I flip out when guys do that, they make me feel like a slave

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