Guys - if the girl always has to text first, is the guy not interested?

So I've been on a couple of dates with a guy and I always seem to be the one who is messaging first. He will always reply with questions but never initiates. He will always answer a text too no matter if it's late so it's him that messages last and therefore I assume it's my turn next to message so I therefore end up always starting a convo.

Is this ok? Can a guy still be "interested" even though he's not initiating? I feel if I didn't text first then I'd never hear from him again!


Most Helpful Guy

  • 90% of the time, it's been the girl who has called/texted/emailed/msg'd me first to start a conversation. I suspect that's the case with most couples.

    The truth is that, while most guys are happy to talk when face-to-face, it usually doesn't occur to most guys to start conversations when that person isn't in the room, UNLESS there's a specific reason to do so. Guys simply don't go out of their way to start conversations very often, especially not "just to talk" with no specific goal in mind. Guys are very goal-oriented when it comes to conversations, and we also don't multitask well, so we have to stop whatever we were doing, completely, in order to have a conversation. That's sometimes very difficult or even impossible, depending on what we were doing, and sometimes it's annoying. But even if it isn't any of those things, it still usually doesn't occur to us to initiate. Guys mostly hate texting, and suck at it. That's just one of the things girls are better at, and put a higher priority on, it's natural that they initiate more.

    For me, I enjoy talking to my girl a lot face-to-face, but I rarely initiate texts, because I'm a bit lazy at them, and because when we are apart, she's usually at work and I don't want to interrupt her. She texts me when she has a free minute.

    To be fair, I explained this up-front. I told her "I probably won't initiate a ton of conversations when we are apart, and that has nothing to do with how I feel about YOU, but more about how I feel about initiating "just because" conversations in general. Feel free to text/call/msg me anytime you like, but don't expect me to get back to you immediately every single time. While I'm at the computer or near my phone 75% of the time, the other 25% I may not be near my phone/computer or I might be doing some physical work that prevents me from answering right away (or maybe taking a nap or something). I'm not ignoring you, and if it's really important, CALL me, and if it's SUPER important, call me several times and try calling my brother too, who usually knows where I am."

    We share our Google calendars with each other, so we know when each other is working or has an appointment, and we schedule conversations for after work on days we can't get together, and we talk a lot when we are together, so texting in between is a lower priority anyway. It has nothing to do with how I feel about her.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Hi there! Of course, some people are shy and careful... if he always makes time to answer you immediately that's a good sign.

    Chemistry may be one or two steps further down the road but you may be on the road to happyness.

    Give him time, perhaps even suggest he surprises you with a nice loving text message when he feels like it. Could be as simple as that!

    Thumbs up that it works out :-)

  • There could be other reasons why he doesn't initiate the messages. He could feel out of place for some reason or it could be a entirely different. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. Have you tried not messaging him for a while to see what happens?

  • Most guys do not like initiating a text conversation. I don't know any guy that does it.

    Actually I had a girl ask me this very same question that you're asking now and my answer to her was that even tho I enjoy talking to her and spending my time with her, I really dislike texting or talking over the phone if I don't have a reason to do it. I just don't contact someone to "just talk".

    So... don't worry. It's perfectly normal that you're the one that always initiates it.


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