Is it normal to feel this way?

Hello! This may sound strange; however, I shall put this in a way that may make sense other than in my head.

I am currently dating a close guy friend of mine of four years. There was a 2 year space with a few in betweens of bumping into each other during that gap. But, before that gap and even after we started to reconnect again, we were and still are very close. We have been on two dates already and some brief hangouts when we see each other a lot at school (we are both in our last year in the same college). He has been open and honest with me about his feelings, caring about my well-being and career/education successes, and even made it known that he still had feelings for me and never stopped. He asked me out for another date before school starts during our second date. And I know that I always have fun with him and feel comfortable to be myself around him because he and I know each other very well. I have already made it known to him that I like him and that I care about him. He already knows himself that he was the first guy I ever liked in college and the first to actually ask me out formally in person to go on a date by taking me out to lunch for my birthday. And, for our third date, I agreed to make us dinner.

This dating thing is all new to me. I only had two brief relationships in which the last one from freshman year affected me greatly that I had to take a two year break to pull myself together and focus on my educational career. I dated a few guys, but I never felt like I could be myself around them and I realized that they were not the type of guys I wanted a relationship with because they kept it all secret about us dating and made me feel as if I was just a recharge battery. But the guy friend that I am currently dating right now, is opposite that who makes me feel like I can still be myself and comfortable around him and he makes it known that we are dating.

But, I feel myself pulling back. Whether or not he and I are busy, since we both work, I tend to feel that I should not be randomly texting him for long periods of time nor answering his random texts for a few minutes to hours. Whenever I am and not around him, I feel giddy and happy, but hesitant and nervous too. I like him so much, that I then hear the sirens in my head saying be careful and pull back.

Is it normal to feel this way of liking someone so much that you just have to pull back? I am not sure if this is my lack of dating experience or my fear of getting to close to someone who would eventually become involved in my life as more than friends.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think this is typical. Since you had a bad experience not that long ago, you could be reacting to that. Are you asking because you want to stop pulling back?

    • Hello! Yes, I want to stop pulling back when things are going so well and at a slow pace. Before my guy friend, I would feel confidently to continue on a dating relationship even when things are going wrong. Now, it is the opposite and I want to stop that pulling back feeling.

    • You can't always control your feelings and reactions but you can decide how you will respond to them. You might need to stand up to your fears at times and step into situations that seem scary. If you start to act weird and he notices, you are free to admit that this is all new to you and you're still adjusting to being in a relationship. If you can think of ways he can help why not ask? I realize that you don't want to tell him all about this but you can ask for specific help as needed.

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