I'm afraid that I'm only dating her because I'm afraid of rejection is that wrong?

After thinking I've realized I'm afraid of dating. I've had absolutely no luck in the dating world. When people meet me randomly they love me. I'm charming, I'm friendly, I'm funny, and I get compliments on my physical appearance regularly. I'm going to medical school. I've been told I'm very gifted with words both written and spoken and I've been told I'm good with music. I've been told I have a very unique but mature and attractive style. But I suck at dating. I have been rejected ever single time I've ever tried to date someone. If I was forward from the very beginning I get shot down. If I befriend someone then try later I get told I'm like a best friend and they don't want to ruin things. Now most of this happened when I was younger but these days I've had plenty of girls that have been my friends that wanted to date me but their was just no attraction there so I understand why I got "friend zoned" in the past. I've also been hit on and asked out by random girls so I understand the rejection of someone being to forward as well. So even though now I get attention from girls I'm still afraid to date. I've actually had fairly positive experiences with girls recently but I was so nervous that I just quit talking to them. Everyone in my past that I've wanted to date has rejected me so I just quit trying before I get hurt. Well everyone except for one girl. I was her friend first. Then we were FWBs. Then we dated. Then we broke up. Then we dated. Then we broke up. Now were dating again. Only girl I've ever dated in my 20 years of life. But it dawned on me that I'm only dating her because I'm afraid of the dating world. I'm afraid of being out their and vulnerable. Don't get me wrong I think she's great. Definitely someone I could spend a large chunk of my life with and I have no big reasons to leave. In fact I have many reasons to stay. I just don't think that anyone one girl will be better for me then another. The ideas of a perfect relationship or the one feel ridiculous to me. Not saying they aren't true I'm just saying I don't believe in them. So I just don't have a reason to leave but I know I'm only trying so hard because I'm afraid of dating. I mean I care about her. I think she's gorgeous. She's fun to be around. And we're slowly getting closer. I'm just afraid that I'm only trying so hard because she's the first person who hasn't rejected me. Is that wrong of me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • My take is that you're really over-thinking everything. You speak too much in absolutes. Why does she have to be perfect to count? What's wrong with a simple but wonderful relationship with a great, gorgeous girl? If you didn't try so hard, she probably wouldn't reject you. If you didn't see her through the lens of your past experiences you wouldn't be so worried about why you're with her. You would be enjoying her and the experience of getting to know her so well. Chances are that she won't be "the one", someone who you will have your children and grow old with you, but so what? And maybe she will? Why risk all that because things didn't go well before?

    • Thank you. I'm normally a really level headed person but something about relationships throws me out of wack. It's amazing how a few simple words can change a persons view

    • For the sake of all of us who will never have such an opportunity as what lies before you, make good use of it!

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