Guys, is there a reason to play someone other than sex or attention?

I met a smooth and charming guy in October while home on a break from college. We went on two great dates before I had to go back to school. We were hooked up after the second one, he told me it was the best he'd ever had. During the 2nd one he admitted that he has a few tricks that he uses on girls. At the end he said that he’d had a blast hanging out with me, and told me to call him the next time I was home. He texted me about every two weeks just to see how I was doing.

Sometimes the text convos went well, others, he would write one word answers and leave me feeling like an idiot.

He called me at the start of Xmas break and asked me out again. Right before the date, he called me w an excuse, but said that he wanted to reschedule at that moment because he really wanted to see me and that I'm "missed". We made plans for a few days later. He clearly forgot about the second date, and after I texted him, he said that he only had a little bit of time because he was supposed to be watching his sister. However, he was at my house in 2 mins, but I made it clear that I was annoyed. He took me out to lunch for 30 mins, dropped me off, kissed me on the cheek, and said for the third time that he really wanted to do this again. Each time he said that, I didn’t answer because I was so annoyed.

A week later, I hadn’t heard from him. I was afraid that he thought I was mad at him, so I texted him asking if I could take him up on hanging out again. He answered “I’m going to be out of town and really busy for the rest of break.”

Ouch, right? I’ve never been more confused over a guy in my life. What was the point of all this? Is there a chance that I actually hurt him? Pleaseeee help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, he is not a sociopath (well, he may very well be a sociopath, but there is nothing in your story to indicate that he is).

    If you want to have a real dating relationship with a guy, then you need to wait at least three months before you sleep with him. Sure, it's possible to sleep with one before then and still have a relationship, but it's rare. Unless you can ascertain for sure whether or not he's as enamored for you as you are for him (which can be difficult because a lot of guys will try and make you think that they are just so that you'll sleep with them), then it's likely to leave a bad impression on the guy (for a number of reasons into which I'm not going to go) or make him think that you just want to be FWB.

    Most people don't contact another on a set timetable. Some people do it because they're talking with a number of others and they rotate contact with them, so that they don't accidentally leave one without any contact for a long period of time.

    For a number of reasons, you shouldn't let on that you're annoyed. It tips your hand and let's him know that he has you; that your relationship means more to you than it does to him and that you're really not going anywhere. People that refuse to tolerate a behavior don't threaten to leave because of it; they just leave. Plus, it won't stop him from doing it. People can change, but they change over a long period of time or after an epiphany following some rare life-altering event. Not to mention that it's just a turn off when you know another is annoyed with you.

    He may have lost interest in you initially, but then, for whatever the reason, decided to give you another chance, but was then turned off by your acting annoyed. He could be confused (but I doubt it) and believe that he needs to play hard to get. A number of things could have caused this, including the possibility that it really has very little to do with you (such as his ex bouncing in and out of his life, etc.). I'd say that you didn't hurt him though.

    • Thank you for selecting this as your BA :). I wanted to add 2 things that you have learned, or soon will learn, studying psychology. 1) When analyzing the behavior of another, bear in mind that his or her behavior rarely have anything to do with you or anyone else; so it doesn't mean that you really did anything wrong nor does it indicate anything about you; it reveals something about him or her. 2) People are often irrational, especially in their relationships with others. Good luck :)

    • Thank YOU so much! Your answer was fabulous. And thanks for the extra bits of information, I feel much better! Best of luck in med school! :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • He probably kept you as a plan B, or progressively lost interest. A 30 min lunch date when seeing someone after you missed them is very meager.

  • What's your question? Did you hurt him? Everybody knows sociopaths are incapable of feeling.

    • CellLuddite, I can't tell if you're joking haha. I don't think he's a sociopath. But I guess you're saying that he was just messing with my head the whole time? :/

    • It it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

    • Thank you for responding! It does make him sound like a sociopath, now that I've read it again. I did think that of him sometimes, but I am always tempted to label guys who break my heart as being messed up haha. I wondered the same thing, but he did show both embarrassment and genuine fear at a couple points, and I didn't think sociopaths did that. I guess it all comes down to where one is on the spectrum. I could discuss this all day haha, but thank you again for your answers and honesty!

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