Valentine's should not be the first date

With Valentine's approaching, I've seen some Internet advice that Valentine's day should NOT be the first date that you ask your crush out.

One is that there's too much pressure on that day to perform and meet expectations.

Two is that it is hard to find seats at the restaurant, movie or anywhere else. Or even the secret quiet place by the park you thought was secret is now peppered with couples everywhere.

Three is that it is inappropriate to be so romantic to someone you barely know. There is this disconnect, who is this person and why is he being so intimate?

Four is that if the relationship ever works out, your anniversary is now on Valentine's. Which is kind of being lazy since you only celebrate it once. If it was on any other day you'd have 2 special days for each other instead.

Do you think that for those who have yet to reach any official status or still complete strangers, Valentine's day should either be avoided or celebrated casually as an opportunity for a simple dinner out under the guise as friends or fellow singles?

I already went out with her last summer and we're semi-dating but too shy to admit that we are. I was planning to use Valentine's to officiate it. But having second thoughts since our relationship is not ready yet. So I'm thinking I should just keep Valentine's casual, like none of the intimate stuff but all of the gentlemanly stuff.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, you shouldn't have a crush. You should have asked her out like months ago probably.

    General advice for being single on valentines: do not ask someone on a first date for valentines. Its too loaded.

    Instead have an anti-valentines day party for singles. I foresee drunken making out.

    • We're already going out. We're just not ... admitting that we're dating, because she's too hesitant. I'm just worried between doing too little for Valentine's, versus doing too much too fast, because I'm not ready for that yet.

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    • I'm not sure why being official requires you to meet or talk more often. That's up to each couple. What it does mean is that you wouldn't just start dating other people randomly - that you're a couple until one of you officially declares otherwise.

    • Really, that's all? I might have been thinking too much. I still need to 'test the waters' so to speak on Valentine's day, to see how comfortable she is with things so far. The pressure is too much so close to February. Then maybe the exclusivity talk can come later next time, maybe in March lol.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think that's a pretty fair assesment. It's January 13th ask your crush out for this weekend.

    • See update above. Oh yea sure, I plan to ask her out at least once before Valentine's. To sort of diffuse the impression that stuff only happens on Valentine's.

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    • Last summer was 6 months ago. You're not rushing anything. Does she feel like she wants more?

    • No she doesn't feel like she's ready for a relationship yet. It's not our top priority right now, we just think we have lots of things to settle in our lives before we're mature or independent enough to have a proper relationship. We don't want to get all passionate and stuff only to fizz out a while later because none of us could focus or find time to work the relationship. For instance, I'm graduating soon and I need to work out what I'm gonna do after that.