Hi I've been with my partner for 2 years we have a 10 month old baby. We live together. Any advice?

He generally keeps his mobile with him as I found flirty texts from a work colleague on it when I borrowed it a year and a half ago which I was not happy about and we split up for a while but worked through it. He left his phone upstairs last night and I know it was wrong but a message came through from his recently single male friend. I looked and messages were are you married yet? His answer was married? No, I can go out when I like but am never asked. No problem with him going out. He went out with friend and stayed over as was drunk, he told me they were celebrating a friend life who had died and it was anniversary. That was a lie... Also he has now booked a lads holiday at butlins in November but he hasn't told me or mentioned anything at all. I have not said anything as don't want him to know that iv have looked at his phone. I find it hurtful and disrespectful and wonder where this relationship is going as was just starting to rebuild trust. I know that looking at phone was wrong but yup I did it! Any advice would be welcome we are both 45...


Most Helpful Girl

  • So he made some plans with the boys and hasn't told you yet. . . What if he had told you? Would you have been upset or angry with him? If you answer yes to that question, then of course he's going to wait to tell you. If he waits til closer to the date of, he'll have that much less time to have to listen to you bitch about it.

    His friend asked him if he was married yet, and he answered no. That's true, right? I'm not quite sure what the big deal is there, either. Maybe his friend is assuming once he's married, he won't be able to go out with anyone anymore. I think that'd be really controlling and silly, and not very much fun, but to each their own.

    I think you may be over reacting a tad.

    • I have always expressed an honest open relationship, I have no problems and have often said to him to go out with mates. His reaction was he now had a family and has no wish to which now seems like he just wasn't asked? True we are not married even though he has asked and I have said no re trust issues. Even if married you have a right to your own life too which I am a big believer and am not controlling in the least. I would of not been angry or upset just seemed little odd?

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    • Hi just to clarify what have I accused him of? Proof? What benefit of doubt do I need to give him, sorry it's a little unclear?

    • You said, "I find it hurtful and disrespectful and wonder where this relationship is going as was just starting to rebuild trust." What is so hurtful and disrespectful? What is he doing that is giving you doubts of where the relationship is going? Sounds to me like you think he is guilty of SOMETHING. What that is, I don't know, you tell me? You certainlyy aren't speaking of him like you believe in his innocence. I think these are things you need to be asking yourself, not a stranger.

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  • look dear , the texts between him and his friend is normal , all guys tease each other aboutbeing committed in relationships or marriages , the singels tease the unsingle assuming they are not allowed to have fun anymore , so no big deal about that part , but what is not really okay is that he booked a lads holiday at butluns in November and hasn't told you about , I wonder what he did out there and why didn't he tell you , maybe you can ask him and see his explanation , tell him that a friend of yours has seen him there and has just told you , don't be angry or aggressive when asking him , and see what happens

  • man, that sucks:( I hate that for you, but you need to know your worth girlfriend and take a stand! even if its alone. don't worry about him and put him on the back burner. do what makes you happy and do what you need to do and he will either catch up or not and if he doesn't, kid or not you need to do what's best for you and the baby in the long run and a broken up family is better than a broken together one.

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