How do you guys feel if a girl you are dating doesn't let you pay for anything most of the time?

I really have a hard time to let a guy pay for anything. For instance, he would invite me out for a lovely meal, just the two of us, but when it comes to the payment, I would always offer and insist to pay for everything. If I don't do that, I feel guilty and feel like the guy thinks I'm taking advantage of him. I rarely let my boyfriend pay for anything, even tho he wants to and I wonder how that makes him feel? And how can I let him pay for something without feeling guilty? I don't do that just with the guys I date, I do that with other male friends as well. When a guy insists to pay and I eventually actually let him do it, after the guilty phase is over it feels good and I feel pampered, even if it was only a beer or something and even tho I paid for the last few rounds. lol I'm not rich or anything, usually I'd be the one with less money than the ones I pay for, but I was also never poor or ever felt like less than others. I have no idea where this comes from and I would really like to let my boyfriend take me out on a date and actually pay for it Because I know it would make him feel good, I just don't know how. Does any other girl has a problem like this? It's frustrating, as males are supposed to be the providers and if a girl takes that away from him it surely can't lead anywhere good, can it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • By paying for everything you are protecting your own ego, which is selfish in a backward way. You should allow him to pay too, for the same reasons. It's just fair.

    • Yeah I agree, it is selfish and I don't know why I feel this way tbh. I do let him pay here and there but only for the small amounts. I know I gotta work on this because it's not making me or him good about it. Thanks for the answer, gotta get out of my comfort zone I guess.

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    • Thanks for the BA!

    • No problem! You spoke the truth. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Why not just split the bill, or go Dutch even? Why always pay yourself? There's no reason to feel guilty if everyone pays for his own stuff.

    My friends, we always split the bill when we're in a large group. And if it's just a couple of people, someone will pick up the check this time, someone else the other, so we rotate. It's just easier that way than to start your calculator app and do the math.

    I could imagine guys feeling insulted if you always pay for everything, or they try to freeload off of you. It's really not the best tactic, just stick to splitting the bill if you don't want him to pay it all.

    • Yeah I do that with my female friends, one paying this time, the other paying next time and it's working great. It's just with guys that I have this problem with. Not sure why really, but I'll try and let him pay next time, probably the guilt will go away eventually and with practice. I think splitting a bill is a bit complicated and kinda ruins the mood, especially when going for a romantic meal or something,so I'll just let him take care of the bill and see what happens. Thanks for the advice!

What Girls Said 1

  • II don't see what yoursexhas to do with it. why should you be uncomfortable so he can be comfortable., if he's uncomfortable with you paying and you're uncomfortable with him paying, why is his discomfort more important.

    you have two people who are both trying to pay for everything. because they are uncomfortable with it being the other way around.

    so split the check or just pay once then let the other pay the next tim and so on and so forth... I don't see how that ruins anything. its just mony. money has nothing to do with romance.

    i don't ever let people ay for me because it feels ridiculous. I'm an adult I can pay for myself.

    • Yeah I agree, that's how I feel myself - I'm able to pay for myself so I do it. It's just that awkward moment for me when the check comes and I don't wanna ruin the moment by splitting it half-half. I'd be OK with me paying one time and him paying next time but the problem is that when it comes to the "next time" I just wanna pay for it again. Don't know why I have this problem, as most girls seem like they have no problem letting the guy pay for them. I guess I need to work on it anyways.

    • I don't see why you have to work on it. plenty of guys pay without letting the girl pays, so it happens that one person repeatedly pays.

      whoever wants to get the check, gets the check. don't worry about it.