Is it worth sending him a text?

Seeing this guy for 5 mo. No label & both big on no complications. We didn't advertise we were together, never any PDA, etc. but neither one of us denied it & all our friends knew it.

We were out one day, & all was fine. Save a few minor spats, all had been fine for 5 mo. Suddenly he clammed up, got this pissed look & sat there talking to no one. I let him be. Spent a little time sitting by him in silence & a little socializing with friends. Never once tried to get into it, the bar wasn't the place. When it was time to go I knew I'd be leaving alone, I said goodbye, went to give him a kiss on the cheek (like I did to all my friends)- he just nods & says bye. okkkkk...

Obviously confused I call the next day & simply ask what happened. Said that it was bugging me cause I thought I did something that upset him. He WENT OFF. Starts a rant about why does it have to be a thing all he wanted was be left alone & watch tv, he should be able to do that without getting crap, etc. Then goes on about how I'm expecting more than he can give me, we should just go back to being friends, & that this was tension that neither one of us needed. Whoa... I let him rant. I made a few comments calmly that I wasn't "expecting" anything more than respect & honesty. I said it wasn't fair for him to get mad at what he assumed I was thinking. But most importantly I said it sounds like he made the decision for both of us without even a discussion so I was sorry he felt that way, but if that's what he wanted I wasn't going to argue. Then he just sat there in silence for a minute. I say "Sooo..I guess that' now what?" & he said "Um I guess we'll talk later". OK bye.

I was caught off guard but I figured best to give him his space. The longest we went without talking was 2-3 days. This was 9 days ago & not a peep. I can't force someone to be with me if they don't want to be with me. I am hurt & upset, but more importantly turned off by the way he handled whatever it was that was bothering him. So truth be told I don't even know if I want to 'kiss and make up'.

However, whatever we were for the past 5 months we were "together" in some sense of the word. So what's eating at me is how is he able to just go off like that & wipe his hands completely clean. On the drop of a dime just be done without batting an eye. I feel like I need to let him know I'm hurt, disappointed, what have you. I wrote a text but haven't sent it yet... and that's why I'm here looking for an unbiased opinion. The text says "I guess I'm still trying to understand what happened and how you wiped your hands clean without batting an eye, but I guess it is what it is. I'm not expecting any kind of response, just wanted to get that off my chest. I hope all is well."

I'm not expecting a response... of course one would be nice, but I won't lose any more sleep than I've already had if I don't get one. so do I send it? Or do I just be done (tho I'm sure we'll run into each other soon).


Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly wouldn't send it. I know it's hard but don't do it. Why does he deserve the ego boost even that you sent him anything? I think he's a lousy selfish person and you can do way better. Trust me, this is his loss. And he will only see that when the next girl he's with treats him bad, cheats on him, and messes him up, Karma will take care of this one for you, believe me. When guys don't appreciate what they have and it's good, they only usually come to value it when what they have is bad. He deserves it, and if you run into him, make it hard for him. DON'T BE NICE and don't look for him.

    He wants all the power to dictate 100% - this is YOUR LIFE TOO and he has NO right to make all choices, not care about your needs, he can go to hell with that crap.


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What Guys Said 2

  • do you want a guy that can't say what he wants or how he feels, and so blows up after 5 months of frustration? Because it sounds to me like that is what your trying to connect with?!?

    Here is a question, if you said nothing back how long do you think it would take this type of person to respond to you and be an adult? I would be tempted to find out

    • Thanks for the response. No you're right. I don't want that & deserve much better. I guess I'm struggling to understand how after 5 mo he just up & walks away like that, especially when we're bound to run into each other. I do not believe I should be the one to cave & I've purposely held out from contacting him since it happened to see what he does... but I want him to know that I'm hurt & he handled the situation badly... tho I doubt there would be any benefit to doing that.

    • We will never never understand how that type of person thinks..they are unpredictable ,passive aggressive douche bags.dont cave

  • The issue is that it was over in his mind way before this blow-up - so it's easier for him to drip it all. If he's not communicating, and it's been 9+ days, just let him go.

    • Thanks. You're spot on and that definitely crossed my mind. The point is not to get him back, I do deserve better. But we have been 'friends' for a few years, have mutual friends, & go to the same bar. We are going to run into each other & I want it to be civil. I don't want friends to feel in the middle & we should be able to socialize. So don't I at the very least have the right to let him know that even as a friend I didn't deserve to be treated that way?

    • Just to add.. I guess the outcome that I'm hoping for is that he recognizes what a douche he was, that he realizes I'm not going to hold a grudge against him, and that it's not going to be awkward when we're all out. Wishful thinking?

    • Yeah, I think you are wishful thinking. Best to be cordial like you said, but don't expect much from him.

What Girls Said 2

  • leave the "hope all is well out of it"..he was rude and disrespectful and doesn't deserve that part.He s a douche bag I wouldn't expect a message back from him.Not sure I would even waste my time texting that jerk.

    • Thank you QueenBeatris. I'm on the fence, but leaning towards not sending it. MmaTender really opened my eyes to what message I'd be sending him by doing so. I deserve better, and I do not wish to be with someone (especially at my age) that can't have an adult conversation. So why do I need to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurt. It's not like my letting him know he handheld it badly is going to change anything.

  • I think you should send it. He acted like a jerk, and he does need to at least know he hurt you! It isn't right for him to just go off like that, and then disappear (although something may have been wrong, and he went off, and now he is embarrassed). I think it will show that you're the better person if you text him.

    • Thanks. If the roles were reversed and it was me that flew off the handle for no (or a dumb) reason, I absolutely would feel like a fool & be so embarrassed... but after a day or two I'd suck it up, reach out and apologize for acting like a dumbass and hope for the best. Everyone is different I guess... Yaddayadda does have a good point above though...

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