Am I letting my past, dictate my future... or am I just not ready?

So I'm worried that I'm not completely over my ex boyfriend, as I thought I was... Its been 3 months or so.. And I haven't really dated dated... I talked to a few people but none that I was really in to... Every now and then when a certain type of song comes out I realized that a part of me misses that feeling, I begin to wonder if I even cross his mind, or if he found someone new to dedicate songs to...but then I catch myself thinking all this and I stop because what's the point of remembering the past, if the only thing I remember are the good times that we spent, and I forget time and time again why we broke up, all the hurt, lies, the emotional rollercoaster of indecisiveness... And I ask myself if I really want to go back to all of that , its like a hell no because I deserve better and someone out there will learn to appreciate everything I have to offer, someone that won't eff with my mind..but thing is I don't even want to date, part of me is scared to even try again, so I just focus on school,family and some close friends(and they've even asked me when will I, like if there's a deadline,) because I continue to tell myself I'm not ready... But isn't the whole point to get out there talk to different people, socialize... I just feel like I can't...

Because I am the type of person who when I talk to you a potential someone who I might date, I end up caring a little too much... I can't just not care.. Even a little.. How do I just not care, because it seems to be easy for most people.. So from your perspective am I still not over him or is that just my excuse not to date or talk to anybody...

And how do I not care a lot ? Should I not just talk to one but keep my options open, because say I talk to 3 guys just normal talk, I will eventually have a preference on who I want to talk to more then that leads to caring... And tbh I don't think I'm the type to go here and there with different guys, I'm not taking about sex wise just like hanging out..

I just really don't know...


Most Helpful Guy

  • You do think a lot and think things through rather thoroughly, perhaps too much so. I know what that's like. This is also a consequence of caring so much. That question strikes me as the most important. Consider the outcome of learning not to care that much, to be like most others, generally oblivious but not easily hurt. Do you really want to go there? Are these the people you admire the most?

    Given your temperament I don't see that you would stop caring about those you have cared for in the past. That's not a bad trait. It does not mean some secret part of you wants to go back there. It means that you formed a genuine, unconditional attachment. What you need is to meet a guy who is capable of forming such an attachment to you. These people are rare in general but they do exist.

    Try to put aside the internal and external pressures that set rules for dating: how soon you should date again, how much and how many at once. None of that matters. You are young and you have time to sort these things out and try to do this right. If you are not ready should the right guy come along, you can become ready as you get to know him better.

    For the introspective, dating should be an adventure and an opportunity for learning. All that pressure and those feelings that each action and choice is monumental take all the fun out of it. You are bound to make mistakes and bad decisions occasionally like anyone else. You are much less likely to make lifelong mistakes. So try to see all this from a bigger perspective and try to make the most of your talents and gifts when it comes to dating.


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