Is this a lost cause? Or is there still a chance?

I will try and condense this and be brief.

Back in December I started getting this vibe from a woman I interact with a couple days a week like she may like me. At first I thought it was maybe just me starting to like her, projecting my feelings on her. That fear almost evaporated one day just before Christmas. I caught her staring at me throughout the night, even when talking to other people. At the very end of the night we were getting ready to leave and I asked what she had planned for the week. She replied "Other than thinking about you..I don't know". and then laughed. I made a joke and she laughed even more.

Through the week she texted me once or twice and was "liking" every move I made on Facebook. The following weekend we had some laughs and such and I could feel that vibe strongly. After we parted on the way home a mutual friend says "That picture I took of you. When you got up and went away she asked me to send her that picture. I think she likes you."

So now I was certain she liked me. I am awakened up to a phone call early in the am informing my friend of 21 years had killed himself. I was in complete emotional shock as he had just reached out to me. I see she posted a message on her Facebook "When one door slams in your face, another gracefully opens in your heart". I "liked" it, she quickly responded "The sooner, the better"..and immediately deleted that.

It comes to light that I was the last person my friend reached out to before killing himself. I was an emotional mess. Here I am dealing with his suicide and having to not drag this drama into her life. I opted to get through my stuff with him and if she really liked me, she would be patient. I kept our exchanges funny and positive, even though inside I felt terrible.

A month ago we started talking about real stuff. Relating to each other our beliefs, our ideas, things we want to do. This is limited to in person conversation, not emails or texts. Two weeks ago we had a really long and deep conversation. I felt like she wanted to kiss me, but I had this huge cold sore on my lip. Great timing. A few days later she was telling me in texts she wanted to visit a place I am very familiar with. I suggested maybe I can take her there and show her around. She said that was a great idea.

A couple days pass and she halts almost all Facebook activity. When we see each other on Friday, she was different at first. She didn't look me in the face when she arrived and seemed cold. In just shooting the breeze at one point she referred to her ex simply as her "boyfriend". In talking with a mutual friend, they broke up back in December, but still live together. They had just started trying to patch things up.

That was two weeks ago. Her status on Facebook is still single. At first I felt her distancing, and I gave her space. Lately I feel like she is warming up to me again. She will compliment me, call me "awesome" for the smallest reasons. Is something with her still possible?


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's... possible but wouldn't be until much further in the future. I can't tell you what her deal on her end is. She obviously wanted to get to know you and all, and cared about you enough to at least dive in a little... The living with the ex is obviously a red flag, moreso for the "trying to patch things up"- if it was a situation where their lease is almost up and they're just sticking it out until one can leaves, that's the only way I could possibly see that being OK (and only for a very short amount of time).

    I'm also concerned that you're going through so much understandable inner turmoil that getting involved with this very unstable situation isn't going to help you. She started giving you attention that you correctly interpreted as interest the same month she and her boyfriend broke up... So I don't think she wasn't interested, but I think her pending or simultaneous breakup gave her that little boost of "Ooh, I'm single now, who's out there?!" and she zeroed in on you, and it faded when whatever made her fall back in with her boyfriend. Giving her space might just make her chase you because many men and women both respond to being slightly ignored by running after the ignorer... It doesn't prove they actually like you. And you can also get sucked into the pattern of whenever you feel like she's distancing herself, you retaliate with more distance to get her back- it's all mindgames.

    So I guess to be kind of blunt and realistically cynical, leave it. For at least a few months. Then if you guys still for some reason are drawn to each other, go from there. I'm really sorry about your friend and hope you are able to heal soon :( You don't need this other mess right now in my opinion...

    • Thanks! The friend that killed himself. Right now I feel like I did all I could do. It was his decision, and may have even been a momentary lapse in judgement he simply cannot take back. Whatever the case, I don't think I could do much more than I did. The thing that ate me more than anything was not so much the loss, but the guilt. But this may just be a stage and I may end up thinking about it differently in a few weeks.

    • Show All
    • I'm not saying this to make you second-guess anything, but your stability/having a place isn't necessarily the reason she had at least a fleeting interest in you. Either way I think you're better off just not getting into it.

      In terms of your friend... You're right, you did everything you could do. Suicide is the result of almost life-long struggles with depression or other mental health issues sorry . It's not anything one person, no matter how amazing of a friend, can prevent :/

    • No worries. I am not second guessing anything. Looking at the situation I think that maybe she liked me for the right reasons (we are very similar in how we think, what we believe, and sense of humor). The stability and established factor may just have been something that could make things easier. Maybe it never entered her mind and I am reading into it.

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Loading... ;