Is liking emotionally unavailable men and rejecting available ones a sign of commitment phobia?

I am a graduate student with a very hectic and busy schedule.

I am also very tied to my religious culture so I only want to date guys from that background.

Whenever I do date by going to social events or online dating or whatever, I tend to push people away. I went out with this guy from online we had a lot in common and he was safe and nice. A little dull though. But I just felt this strong need to get away even though he wanted another date very badly.

Then yesterday while at a party I was a little tipsy and flirting with this guy. While tipsy it was fun but now that I gave him my number I just want him to go away and stop texting me! I don't think we had that much in common.

It's like I long for a boyfriend but I tend to push guys away.

Yet I love unavailable men. I have the biggest crush on my academic advisor who is only like 30 (I'm in my 20s) and as my advisor he is off limits but I am obsessed with him.

I also dated a total narcissist and I was so in love with him until I just felt so low and disrespected that I had to walk away for my own protection. He was so emotionally unavailable.

Why do I always fall for unavailable men?

And reject available ones?

Another important thing to add... I have an emotionally abusive, emotionally unavailable father and I have major daddy issues even at this age.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • It's because your own heart is surrounded by barriers. You crave closeness with another human being, being in the same spiritual realm with one another- considering him as a "Significant other". However, because of internal trauma, and fears in your own life, you tightly guard your own heart- with iron reinforced concrete blockades. And you are comfortable with it. So much so that when you feel the same barriers around a man's heart, it comforts you- because you personally know you will never have to open up to him.

    The good news? You will likely never be hurt by a man on a deep, scarring level. Because you won't let them in enough to hurt you.

    The bad news? Your spirit, soul, and heart will slowly die. Bitterness, and resentment over unfulfilled desires that are built- in to your affectionate female heart will slowly consume you, until you die bitter, cold, rejected, and utterly alone.

    The cure? As a Christian, and someone who sees God's help in his own life, I would suggest you seek Jesus, and give your heart to Him. He loves you, and will heal your heart. (He wants you to be happy) I have gone from a misogynistic misanthrope to someone who understands his desperate desire for a closeness with a woman.

    The nuts and bolts... You will have to face your fears. Every terrifying "What if" scenario your young (These issues begin when you are very young.) mind has clung to needs to be confronted. Confronted- and destroyed. Yes... You will likely be hurt, as your heart begins to soften. Hurt badly... It takes a true woman, with unimaginable strength to be vulnerable- and become hurt- then willingly choose to become vulnerable again, to another man.

    That second vulnerability, a willingness to let another man into your life, and heart, is unimaginably beautiful. If I ever meet a woman like that, and she cares for me, I will cherish her heart in my strong hands, and keep it next to mine. I will never want her to hurt again.


What Girls Said 0

Be the first girl to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Loading... ;