Is he just not into me? Made misktakes wondering if damage control is possible?

So this great guys messaged me online a few weeks ago. he's a medical resident I am a grad student we hit it off. A few dates a few sexless nights together. What he doesn't know is right before we met with in a week my grandmother and best friend from undergrad both passed away. I was upset but trying to hide. Then five days ago I got drunk upset over something stupid and wanted to know where we were going. When really hed been nothing but nice to me and it was way to early yo ask that. I sincerely apologied the next swearing that wasn't like me and since have been trying to act normal. But I think I've been clingy he's talking to me kind of but mot much. I told him I dont get good guys like him and I know I can't understand how busy he is at the hospital. The thing is im not clingy. I broke up with my ex cause he was clingy. I acted clingy because this new guy was a huge source of happiness. Also I've been at a conference for the past few days but still havemt gotten much response. If he's not into me would he tell me? I've had gguys do that after a few dates before. Should I tell him about the deaths? Now that I've realized how I've been acting I know I can't do it anymore n I won't. I would walk away if he was anyone else. But he's worth and if there is anyway I can salvage it id like too. Keep ij mind when u answer this he works insane hours cause he's a surgical resident

sorry for the spelling in this one I typed it on my phone! Sorry


Most Helpful Guy

  • Time for a serious 'reset'.

    I would say most guys are willing to understand odd behaviour when major stuff is going on in someone's life. So definitely tell him about the death and that the person you lost was close, and it really affected you, and that you're sorry for acting a bit clingy, and that you're normally not at all like that (I hope that is true).

    Fortunately, he doesn't seem to be the type who took advantage of your feelings, so you hopefully won't have to worry about that.

    Then just confirm your underlying feelings with him (in a more casual manner), that you think he seems like an OK guy you wouldn't mind getting to know "some day", but thank him for not getting all weird while you were super-affected. Maybe make some association between the two of you, like letting him know that he might get a little freaky from his career's hours or stress, and you're happy to reciprocate and listen or be supportive when he's gone a little wonky, or when he just needs to vent or talk. Guys appreciate directness and honesty - no games - and are often willing to cut some slack (only once or twice) if you come clean about acting weird.

    But then you *have* to back off: give nice smiles as you pass each other or continue to make small talk, but give him space to see you weren't saying all that as part of some manipulative scheme, and that you really are that way. If he comes around, then its probably (still not guaranteed, but likely) a real interest, and worth your time too. if he doesn't respond, then it probably will never be anything bigger romantically, but he'll still have some respect for you, and might become a friend one day.

    • EDIT: if some of this seems out of place, it's because you had two 'overlapping' original posts, and so this is a response to the sum of them both... Hope that made sense!

    • Thanks a lot! I did text him but I my friend unfortunately told me his phone was broken so I facebooked him too but now I won't contact him until he answers, explained it all, and I did tell him the other day I'd be willing to help him out with anything cause I have so much admeration for the work he does. I also said sorry for all the excuses I gave him... for my behavior all because I didn't want to admit the truth. I feel much better after reading your response...

    • He'd said he'd think about it. I also had another guy wanting to hang out, but I don't do two at once even when its not serious. I told him I really wanted to know because I liked him and life happens and then explained the other guy and that I wanted him more, he said he'd think about it, so I texted the other guy and told him no and then let the one I wanted know I don'thave another option... I am surprised I thought he'd say no or yes not in between.

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