How can I overcome shyness around women?

I'm only shy when it comes to women, when I'm around guys I'm comfortable. How can I be confident around women to where I can ask them out?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Shyness comes from worrying (FAR beyond what is reasonable) about what other people think about you. You aren't shy around guys because you figured out that, other than a handful of people that you respect, you don't really care what they think about you.

    But because you are desperate to get a girl, you care what girls think of you, and you care WAY too much, and that makes you shy.

    You need to start by accepting the fact that girls turn down guys all the time, for lots of reasons, so there's no need to take a rejection personally.

    Second, you need to NOT focus all of your efforts on a single girl - that's the fastest way to fail. Instead, approach EVERY attractive girl, try to talk to her for a few minutes, and if things go well, ask her out. EXPECT to be rejected, and if you are, smile, say "no problem, thanks anyway!" and walk away like you know a secret she doesn't know. The secret is: another attractive girl will be along in a few minutes, and you can try again.

    It's a mistake to try to find the "perfect" girl FIRST, and THEN ask her out, because you put way too much pressure on yourself, and are too hurt when she says no, which she probably will because she'll be able to feel your desperation. If, instead, you get used to talking to EVERY attractive girl, the nervousness will go away, you'll be comfortable, and you'll get dates.

    Learn to filter out/eliminate girls AFTER you've been on a date with them, not before. This does a few things for you:

    - It gets you dates, which gives you experience.
    - It will help you get past your shyness.
    - Other women will see you with different girls, and they'll be interested too, because you're already "female-approved."
    - Other guys will see you with different, attractive women and think "Whoa, that guy is a stud" and your reputation will be that, instead of "he's a shy geek" or whatever.

    The idea isn't to expect to marry the first girl you date; it's to date different girls and learn what you like.

    • Thanks man.. This was the best advice I ever gotten on here. You weren't judgmental and you broke it down for me.

    • Show All
    • Time? I'm 36.. can't I just follow your steps then ask for a date?

    • Sure. And maybe you'll get lucky and get a yes right away, but if you don't, smile, and move on to the next one. Don't let it bother you.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't over think anything. That is always the biggest problem with anyone afraid of making the first move. If you see anyone you like, try making eye contact, if that eye contact is reciprocated and repeated by the other party, it's your cue to go. Ask her out. Don't think, do.

    • Thank you.. I'll try but I know I'll fail

    • Show All
    • But you said: "They don't like overweight guys like me", and then you said: "They should like me for who I am not for what I look like."
      How do they know who you are if you don't talk to them?

      So go and talk to them.

    • I like them but they reject me

  • Just take a deep breath and be your self dont stress it because girls can tell when a guy feels shy. Just be nice & gentleman get to know her and than it will be less stress full to ask her out.

    • Thanks. . It's always nice to hear a woman's perspective

    • Show All
    • When I introduce myself to her I won't have anything else to say

    • Blatant rip off of my username ha!

What Guys Said 3

  • fake it till you make it. From the time you decide to approach a woman, give yourself no more than 3 seconds before you move. So "wow, she looks hot"..1..2..3... GO APPROACH HER.

    • Is there a way i can let her know I'm looking for more than friendship?

    • Show All
    • What if she wants only a good looking guy to approach her

    • You have no way of knowing that beforehand. That's the whole point of overcoming your shyness is to not cockblock yourself before you even start. MAKE her reject you... don't assume she will.

  • Exposure. Talk to women a lot. Its the only way.

    Be warned though, a lot of men like to pretend they are some great catch and if only they could stop being shy they would get date/girlfriends/sex all the time, when in reality they are very unattractive and are avoiding women because deep down they know they would just face constant rejection.

    • That's me unattractive and afraid of rejection

    • Show All
    • Maybe, obviously I can't give you that answer. Is there a reason why you are only trying to figure all this out now? I just think its odd to be asking this aged 30+.

    • No I've always been asking and FYI I have been engaged so um not the loser you think I am

  • confidence. no matter how you get it, it's what you need. shyness is just a lack of confidence. alcohol helps, but you shouldn't rely on it

    • I don't drink

    • try it sometime. one beer ain't going to make you drunk. i dont get drunk. i don't want to feel that way, i just dirnk for taste

Loading... ;