Do you think relationships with a big age difference can work?

And obviously what do you think of as a big difference?

I didn't think it would be a big deal but maybe it is, I feel like we live in very different worlds and maybe it's time to break up.
The specific reason I'm asking is that my boyfriend of 4 months just bought me a dress. It's a gorgous evening gown, just that he forgot to rip off the price tag, it costs 1500$.

It may seem like a small thing, but to me it's not. Aside from him I literally don't know anyone who can comfortably afford this. I mean it's a fucking dress, most of my dresses are under 15$. I feel we live in completely different worlds

And it's not that he grew up that like that, we're both from working class families. It's just that he accomplished a lot in his life already and I'm just starting out.

I'm 22 and he's 35. Do you think it's the age difference that is the problem or is it just us? Because when I met him , I thought he was perfect, handsome, well spoken, educated...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes. For sure. My boyfriend and I are nine years apart; and I can easily say that this is the best, the healthiest, and the most satisfying relationship I've ever been in. He is my world, my best friend, my everything. I plan to marry him.

    That said, age difference success is all based on the individuals involved. You two need compatibility, like interests, similar intelligence levels, similar life goals. My boyfriend and I are basically the same person. We both love education and science, we both enjoy the same movies, same lifestyles, same hobbies, we have similar morals and beliefs, similar goals and aspirations for later in life, and more than anything we communicate very well.

    In addition you must be willing to accept and ignore the criticism you may receive due to your apparent age gap. My boyfriend and I have faced people thinking im a gold digger or a "fun" toy, or that he is using me because even i have to admit our age gap numbers are intimidating to some people. Even as someone in this type of relationship i can't say that if i saw say, a 19 year old and a 28 year old i wouldn't automatically assume the same without knowing them. But if you know you aren't with your man for those reasons, if you're willing to be with him no matter what because he is the one for you, you'll learn not to care.

    Age differences DONT work when the relationship is based of sex. Sex defies age, you dont need anything but to be attracted to someone in order to have sex. Although sex is a vital part of relationships it IS NOT everything. If you feel at all like you can't talk to this person or nothing but sexual tension keeps the conversation alive, leave.

    So are you considering leaving because he makes more money than you? I think he may just feel pressure to treat you well because of the age gap, knowing that you could trade him in for a "younger model". Or he just wants to treat you to lavish things since he can.

    • we have a lot of things in common. From the ones you listed all, but Lifestyle and that's a big one.

      I'm not considering leaving because he makes more money. It's just that dress made me realise that must live in a completely different world to afford that. We don't have anything in common there

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Relationships with a big age difference can work. Maybe for only a short term, or maybe for a long term.

    You have had a good relationship for 4 months. Then, simply over the cost of a dress, you are speaking of the relationship not working. I agree that $1500 dollars is a big amount and that obviously bothers you, but you also say that he has accomplished a lot and apparently can afford to spend that amount. So there is nothing wrong with him spending that money on you.

    If you are to go forward with anyone, you must consider the two of you, not just yourself. In this case, you say you are bothered because you are just starting out. The experience of the two of you combined is NOT just starting out. If you do not accept that, move on. But remember that before he bought the dress, you found him perfect, handsome, well spoken, educated...

    • I'm not quite sure what you're saying in the last few sentences. But the problem is not that he has accomplished a lot or that I'm just starting, it's the combination of both. I feel like we're living on different plants.

      I'm in med school, when I go to the movies I'm broke for that week.
      I just feel I can't keep up with him when it comes to money, experience or maturity. And hell I don't want to, I want to enjoy being young for a few more years.

    • Show All
    • It's not that I necessarily want to hang out with people my own age, but I feel I fit in better. Like the other day, he had some of his friends over and they talked about what stocks to invest in or what mortgages are best atm. And tbh I was bored out of my mind. While a few days earlier I had the time of my life at Relay for life

    • That is the difference between work and play. You wanted to go to Relay for Life; you met people of the same interests; You put your all into it for one day. What you are comparing it against is his work (or at least ongoing investments, which is work), that has to be done day after day. Surprise, surprise... people your age work too, and most of it is just as boring.

  • Of course it can work! I dated a girl that was 12 years younger than me. It was one of the best relationships I've ever had. It did end but had nothing to do with age. Just college. It depends on you 2!


What Girls Said 3

  • They can work, but they often need tons of communication and understanding in order to make up for the difference in life experience. But sometimes, the gap is just too big. Like an 18 year old dating a 40 year old or something. That just isn't right in my opinion.
    In your case, it sounds like you need to communicate some more. Also, you should probably tell him that you're not comfortable with him spending that much money on you. Believe me, I would be uncomfortable too. Maybe he thinks that spending money on you is a good way to show affection or something. I don't know. But basically, if it bothers you, you should just talk to him about it.

    • Ya not so sure I can handle the public opinion either. I overheard his friends calling me a trophy wife on more than one occasion and we're not even married.

      I don't get why he would think that was a good way to show affection. I thought guys always wanted girl who are not after their money?

    • Well, one of the 5 different love languages is giving/receiving gifts. So maybe he just enjoys giving nice gifts. But yeah, as I said, just talk to him.

  • Some older men who are ready to settle down are prepared to invest in a relationship earlier on, and those investments can be mental, emotional, physical, financial, etc. Perhaps he sees you as a potential life partner and is okay with spending his time and money on you. Perhaps that is not a lot of money in his eyes. Who knows. There could be lots of reasons. Thank him for the dress and have a good long talk about where you are headed with this relationship. Gifts often come with a meaning. Don't make him guilty about it, but explain to him how the gift made you feel. If one of you is looking for a long term partner, and the other is looking to date around for a few years, you won't have compatible goals. However, if you do want similar things from this relationship, have a good talk about what sorts of expectations you have. If you do not need expensive gifts and simply prefer his time, tell him so.

  • of course they can. you just gotta work at it like any other couple would.

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