Why can't my parents/my mom be happy for me?

So I started talking to this guy online at the end of February . We met once without my parents knowing only because its hard for me to get to that second date. Well things went well. So come the next time I go out to see him, I tell my parents. I see him two more times after that and then last night my mom talks to me about him and everything she doesn't like.

Let me point out that I have never had a boyfriend and this guy is amazing, he enjoys spending time with me and getting to know me more. And we have been intimate, every time we are together. I know... don't judge me.

Anyway my mom feels a guy his age (31) shouldn't be with a girl my age (25). That he is after one thing is sex. And he will take advantage of your vulnerability and your experience. A guy like that should not be chasing after girls like you. It isn't right, something is wrong.

I really don't see the age difference as a big deal, I have met guys my age and they are immature and jerks. And my mom says from that asking me how many guys have I dated to know that there's so much more. And suggests Match. com to me and that she would pay for it.

A little more background about the guy I am seeing, he lives at home but only to help out his family, he was on his own before. He has no car, license was taken away for speeding but he's working on it.

Now I get my mom's concerns and worries but why can't she be happy for me. It's like she is basically saying that she doesn't want me dating this guy. I admit I need to slow things down with him and really get to know him but he makes me happy, I feel wanted, and special. He makes me feel good inside.

I was hysterically crying last night when she talked to me and points I may have snapped a little but most of the time I didn't know what to say to her cause she got me so upset.

I don't want to end it with him, I don't want to lose him but i'm not sure how this is going to work with the way my mom feels about him. Help!

I ended it. Glad I did, he ended up being verbally abusive.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know your parents or how you usually communicate with them, but if they are like 99% of the parents in the world, all they care about is your safety and happiness, always keep that in mind. They don't see what you see, and they are probably just very afraid he will break your heart and make you sadder in the long run.

    You said you feel happy and special around him, and that's all most of us can ask for in a good relationship, good for you :) .

    I don't have a lifetime of relationships , but I've had a few, and sometimes we tend to look past the bad things and see only what we want to see, what makes us happy, which is perfectly normal.

    I'm not saying he's not a great guy, but given your lack of experience, you might be misjudging the situation (again, not saying you are, but the chance exists).

    But you feel happy, and being your first, you must be in the clouds :). Enjoy every moment with him, but don't do anything you don't want to do out of fear of losing the relationship, there are a lot of guys out there who I'm sure would love to be with you.

    And don't hope that will last forever. People break up, one moment everything is great, and then things just fall apart, it happens, I'd advise you to always be ready for that. Cherish the good times with all your heart, but don't let the bad (if they come) take you down.

    Hope it helped, best of luck :)

    • I get it. But its like if I don't open at the chance of being with someone and always keeping this wall around my heart how can I expect to ever really be in love with someone. People get hurt, things happen. That's life.

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    • You have been seeing each other for a month. Give it some time, it will be worth it :).

    • I know, I can feel it!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Mom is entitled to an opinion, but you're entitled to live your life how you want. Do so and Mom can either deal with it or bugger off. The age difference is only as important as YOU think it is. 25-31 ain't much of a difference anyway.

    That said, I'd be worried about a guy over 30 living at home with no car no matter why he says he's doing it. He's still a dependent at that age which means he's kind of a loser. If you're still living at home at 25, you need to be getting out on your own and building your own life. You don't want a >30 year old dependent mooching off of you.

    Only you can decide what's right for you though. Take Mom's concerns and think about em. Then make your best decision and live with the consequences. You're a grown up now. That's what we do.

    • Yea I am trying to move out. I don't have enough income yet to live on my own but i'm trying. I know I am a grown up but my parent's treat me like I am 16!!! I can't stand it. I mean I have a full time job, a car, I cook, I clean I am very independent. They don't treat me like an adult at all. And it wasn't till recent when they finally let me spend my own money.

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    • Really am trying. I keep applying to jobs. Ones that are far from home but same state. And I really would like that. I decide how to live my life NOT them!

    • Good luck!

  • Your mum wants whats best for you but she really needs to back off as it will affect your happiness. She sould let the relationship run its course and if its meant to work it will, if not it won't. Why does she think he is "just after sex". Has he given any indication that thats all he wants? The same could be said for any guy I suppose in which case you will never be allowed to have a relationship. You are 25 and easily old enough to make your own decisions. He's only 6 years older than you. As long as he is a nice guy, treats you properly and you both love each other then I dont see a problem. If you still can't work something out with your mum then I suggest moving out. Once you are out of your parents house they can't interfere at all.

    • I know she does and it is affecting my happiness from what she said. She didn't say it but I know she doesn't want me dating him. Which is fucking ridiculous. No one should tell me who I can and can not date. She doesn't know him like I do. He's such a nice guy and treats me the way I deserve to be treated.

    • I'm like so desperate to move out. I can't stand living with my folks much longer... I just can't

    • I know how it feels, I moved back home for 6 months last year, that didn't work. Took drastic measures to move out lol

  • You are a mature young woman, your mom needs to take the leash off you! You should date the guy even though it sounds like he's trouble. A 6 year age difference is nothing! And it doesn't mean he just wants sex. Your mom is giving you a scare tactic.
    And don't worry about people judging you for having sex!

  • Your mom's opinion is just that... her opinion. She hasn't even met this guy yet and she's already tearing hum down? That kinda says something to me right there.

    Anyway, I would forget about all that and just focus on what your t is telling you. How do you feel about it? What do you want to get out of it? What makes you happy?

    I'm sure your mom cares about you and loves you, but she sounds way overbearing.

    Also, 31 and 25 ain't nothin'. That's a ridiculous age gap to make a big deal.

    • My heart is telling me that I want to be with this guy but if my parents can't like him or don't even want to try then how can I expect this will work out for me? I feel very confused and hurt right now from everything my mom said. And you're right she is overbearing, and overprotective

    • Overbearing and overprotective parents will try keep pushing until you set boundaries. I'm sure if you told them "hey, whether you like it or not this is the guy that I'm seeing, and he makes me happy" then they'll eventually get with the program.

      I mean, what if they never like a guy that you bring home? You'll be single forever just to satisfy them?

    • Got a point. I don't want to be single forever.

What Girls Said 4

  • Sweetie, dry your eyes and listen to "P"... Firstly, it says you are a girl here between the ages of 25-29 years old, so why do you feel you need to answer to good ole mom still? Unless, of course, if you're living under her roof, then, yes, she will have plenty to say, and always the last word, when it comes to ruling the roost and---your life.
    If you are happy, may have found a First love, and he is everything that may spell "potential partner," then never mind what she says. You need to sit her down and have a little chat with her, and explain to her that you are old enough to make your own decisions, that although you appreciate her kind advice, you would like to learn any lesson on your own, and no thanks to the Match. com.
    I have found in my life, that no matter who you chose for a husband or even a boyfriend, they will always have something to say to throw this monkey wrench into things. If he isn't "Mr. Perfect" in their eyes, then they think you should remain a spinster until the seal of approval is slapped on to someone who is.
    I don't know what your current stat is as far as working and planning to get out from under her thumb. But if you ever want any life with Any man, online or off, then you need to get a goal together and book, so you can have a life of your own, and not be controlled by others until you are old and gray.
    Good luck. xx

    • I am living under their roof. I am at the stage of trying to get a permanent job to get enough income so I can finally move out and be on my own. And I get what you are saying, I should try again talking to her... not going to be easy.

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    • Thanks for that.

    • You're welcome, sweetie.. xx

  • Forget your mom's opiniĆ³n and continue dating him. Parents will always be overprotective and its rare when father and mother in laws like their sons and daughters in laws. It doesn't matter if you are 25 or 50 your mom will always have a tendency to infantilize you cause she will always feel that you are her Little daughter. Now what you have to do is sever that umbilical cord and continue dating this great guy. If it Works great, if it doesn't , you'll have the experience your mother complains that you are lacking. You are almost 30 years old for heaven sakes! If you dont try your luck now, you'll be heading for 40 year old spinsterhood. Anyhows, congratulations and hope all works well for you.

    • She does. She treats me like I am 16!!! And I really don't want that.

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    • Dont try to fulfill your parents expectations. Build your own. Otherwise they'll never respect you and you'll never be happy cause it's human nature to never be satisfied.

    • Yeah I know, thanks!

  • Screw your mom! And I say that the most respectful way I can.

    You are happy !! Why does it matter what your mom thinks? The guy likes you and you like him. There is nothing else to it. And if you guys met online well that's just how things are now. If it was a dating website you guys were looking for the same thing so forget your mother. She can't try to live your life. She should be happy and just back off.

    I understand how you feel since I two weeks ago had to hear my moms crap when she had "opinions" about my boyfriend.

    I met him a year ago online (she doesn't know the online part) but he lives all the way across the country. He is 33 years old and I am 22. I have liked older men so she kind of expected that. He has no college degree so that for my mom is horrible... But pretty much I told her the same thing.

    I have never had a boyfriend, the guys I would hangout with were jerks and immature. I never even introduced any of the guys to my parents and they knew nothing about who they were. Now I like this guy so much that I call him my boyfriend, I tell my parents about him, what he does. What he is like and they have a problem with it? Then they rather me hide shit from them? Not that I care because in the end is my life and my happiness.

    So that! You can take into consideration some of your moms "opinions" but in the end you have to remember that she is not you! You have your own life and if you like this man GOOD FOR YOU! Enjoy your life and have fun and hopefully this turns into something more serious.

    I don't think he is using you by the way . He just fcked up in his past but that's it. We have all done it.

    • He's not using me at all. I want to enjoy it but my parents/my mom is making it difficult. They always make me check in every 2-3 hours, want to know where I am going and who I am with. They have such a tight leash on me that its suffocating me. They aren't letting me live my life. They need to let me go but they can't. They can't protect me from the world forever. Bad things happen all the time, thats life.

      My mom isn't going to let this go, she's going to want to talk to me about it again

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    • I am. I see your point. My mom doesn't even know that I had sex. Not her business. She's tends to stick hers in my business. She's manipulative, judging and doesn't understand me at all.

    • Yeah... Then ignore the lady. Just do your own thing.

  • She wants what is best for you and I agree with her

    From what you wrote it seems like you're just looking for someone to be with because you've never been in a relationship before. But you shouldn't rush into anything.

    • I know she what is best for me and yes I do want to be with someone but thats not the reason why I want to be with him. I want to be with him cause he makes me happy. And I know things need to slow down with him if it continues... I just don't want it to end. I like him too much and he likes me just as much.