I just don't want this to end up happening again?

So of course met this girl online and we'v talked for a while. Neither one of us looking much for anything. After like a month I was tired of talking to my screen. Like this girl was legit awesome. So I asked her out on a date and after a while we got it done. We went on four dates and I was happy with this girl, but I didn't wan to rush into this like I had with my past relationships.

We haven't even kissed. More so on time and just not having the courage to do so. After a while I don' hear much from her except a GM (with a emoji) and she would go on the whole day without talking to me. This goes on for about three days and I'm siting trying to figure if the problem is me? Maybe she doesn't like me? She did say she wasn't looking for a relationship, but I know she felt something when we hugged.

Well she ended up telling me she was in a lot of stress. I didn't ask for details cause I felt it wasn't my place. I told her I'd be there for her. She knows I like her and sh likes me.

At that same night I told her I felt like hugging her tight and tell her everything would be alright.
She kinda did a 360 on my emotions when she said, "As a friend. I really need you as a friend. There can' be anything more." Pretty much every guys nightmare. I told her could there ever be a us? When we're both ready?

She said, "I can't say. I'm a messed up person to be with. Can't lose you to. Your all I really have."

I told her what she's afraid of?

She texted, "Emotions. Feeling pain."

I told her I was willing to work on our friendship till we are ready. She said "ok" and changed the subject.

I've had this happen before. She wanted to be friends, but she ended up dating someone the next day and now we hardly talk. I know people are not the same, but I know a diamond when I see one. Help?

If it helps. She got out of a relationship around the same time as I did which was around December of last year
For future reference when would it be a good time to ask her out on another date?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should hang in there and see how things develop once she is less stressed and feels comfortable with you. But - don't wait too long. If you're still asking yourself the same questions 2 months from now it is time to move on.

    • I'm not going to go on if thats all she can ever see me as

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    • Bottom line, dear - it has been 4 dates. I wouldn't be all certain and telling the guy I want to be with him after 4 dates. I'd also tell him that I want to get to know him better and also get to know myself better in this new situation. Give her time, observe the signals and you'll have an answer soon. I really hope it works out the way you want to because I can see that you care about this girl. Just give her a bit of time and don't be too pushy. Text once a day / every other day to see how she is doing or if you saw something funny so she knows you're thinking about her and that you don't have any hard feelings, but give her the space to come to you too.

    • That what I'm about to do. Thanks =)

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What Girls Said 5

  • The fact that she said; "As a friend. I really need you as a friend. There can't be anything more." makes me think that she might be, or still be, in love with someone and she's hoping that they'll get back together. I have the feeling that she's hanging on to someone, waiting for him to say the word. Don't rush into anything too deep yet, as she is not ready. She's been hurt. I can tell. Be there for her and let her know that you care about her. Make her miss you, too. Don't text her everyday, don't be clingy. If she misses you, she'll take the initiative to contact you.

    • I have taken her ex into consideration. She told me it was final when she moved back from Cali. I'm totally letting her miss me

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    • Guys do that a lot. If a girl texts too much, they'll tell her that she is clingy and needy, and will drop her like an old sock, with no explanation.

    • I guess lol well I'll see whats up with this than

  • in my opinion it sounds like she does have something that is happening in her life. Id suspect another guy or at least someone else she likes. Possible. All you can do is respect her wishes, be her friend, but dont have really high hopes right now because she doesn't sound like she is ready for a relationship with you right now.

    • So far she hasn't really brought up anything concerning a guy. Well except her father and how she's going to go visit him this weekend. The only things I could point out is her relationship with her mother. She also is working two jobs and babysitting on top of that. So her talking to me and some other guy seems low, but it could be possible.

  • That's a hard one, you want to be there for here but you can't afford to get emotionally invested in something that could possibly never happen and hurt you. I'd tell her just that, You really want to be here to support her but you can't allow yourself to be strung along and hurt so if she really likes you to give you a little more clarification and let her know you can be together and still be there for her and probably even more. If she's not ok with that then you may have to walk away, at least for now to keep yourself from getting hurt. If it's meant to be she will come back when the time is right.

    • I told her that. She said OK. So this might mean something. I just don't know if she's wanting to continue the path of becoming something past friendship.

  • Oh boy, she won't give you her all but won't let you go so you can give your all to someone who deserves it and will reciprocate.
    You are wasting your time with her. This isn't and never will go anywhere.

  • Damn. Well, for starters, she's obviously having some issues. Sometimes some girls will say that or make up shit as an excuse, but based on her responses I think she really is going through some tough shit.

    But, in regards to her dating someone new, that was because you didn't make a move. FOUR dates with just a hug after talking with her online for a month? As a girl, if a guy didn't try to kiss me by the third date, I'd assume he wasn't interested and that this was just a friendly thing.

    • Well What do you think would be a great step forward? I know she's interested. I don't think me going into kissing her is the problem though. I have tried, but it seemed like she wanted to get to know me better. I told her I didn't want to rush into anything and she felt the same way.

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    • WHat about holding hands, and holding her, or arm around her when we watching a movie is that going a bit far or balancing. And if people ask how should I pesent her? As a friend or a girl I'm datin?

    • I think that would be definitely be ok as long as she's ok with it. Not that you should ask her "is this ok?" before holding her hand (just do it)…If people ask, just say, "this is (her name)." That way it doesn't screw you one way or another.

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