Are guys really straightforward with what they say?

Are guys really uncomplicated and straightforward in their communication? Should we take what they say at face value or do they sometimes say things to hide their true feelings or test a woman?

I was getting mixed signals from a guy. He went from telling me he cared for me deeply and preferred to date only one person at a time, to saying he didn't want to be exclusive and that he hadn't met that special person.

Ouch. I'm so confused. For example, when he said he hadn't met that special person, was it for real or just part of his confusion and mixed messages?

He broke up with me soon after we BOTH said how much we care for each other. That's a big mixed message, right?

I really think he's a nice guy and wouldn't hurt me on purpose. He's mixed up about a lot of things in his life and he is getting over a painful divorce.

I feel like I may have messed things up by telling him I cared, even though he told me HE cared. Anyway, I'm afraid I caused him to freak out. I blame myself for the break up.

I know there are several points here but if you could address them I'd really appreciate it. I hope it will help me to move on and stop being so sad.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think this can be said for ANYONE: Trust what a person DOES and not necessarily what is said. Actions speak louder than words.

    With that said, you are not to blame for the breakdown of the relationship. You mentioned he is just getting over a divorce, so of course hd might not be ready to settle down with someone else, when a relationship he meant to have for the rest of his life has FAILED. That has NOTHING to do with you. He has some things to sort out for himself, and I think that's something you should empathize with rather than take blame for. Good luck.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Generally, guys say what they mean and mean what they say, yes. Guys don't use subtext like women do.

    BUT... in your situation, this guy simply doesn't know what he wants. He hasn't gotten over his divorce, and isn't ready for a relationship, and his feelings are confused and changing right now. This isn't a "normal" time in his life, so he's kind of screwed up right now, and the normal rules don't apply. 9 months or a year from now, he'll be back to normal, and then, what he says will be how he really feels.

    You just caught him at a bad time.

    • Any hunch as to if he w'll be back and ready for a relationship? He's been divorced 2 + half years. He said our relationship fulfilled him in many ways it "had it all". Then he dumped me. Ugh :/

    • There's no way to say. Your best policy is to live your life as if he's gone forever, and if you are single at some point in the future and he's gotten over her and changes his mind, then you can reconsider going out with him then.

      In the meantime, you should NOT put your life on hold waiting for him. You can only safely assume that he's not coming back.

What Girls Said 2

  • All day i speak nothing but the truth

  • Getting over a painful divorce? Stay awaaaaay.