Long time friend, now dating long-distance...I feel like since we've started dating she's no longer putting an effort in.?

As the title says, me and a very good friend of mine have recently started dating. She's an amazing girl, one of those ones that are worth being patient for. She's relatively inexperienced with relationships so it's taken patience and a lot of effort on my part. I've done some incredibly nice things for her including a surprise birthday party and got her best friend to fly cross country to be there, I've left hidden notes after my visits, and I put together a box with notes/letters with specific dates on them of when she can open them. Before we made things official she was awesome and would say some very nice things to me, telling me how much she appreciates having me in her life. Since we made things official however she seems to have stopped putting in any effort.

Communication is very key especially in long-distance relationships. She's never called me, I'm always the one who has to call. And when I do, I have to let her know ahead of time that I'm going to call. She doesn't like talking on the phone or Skype so I've been forced to use FB Messenger and Snapchat to try and keep the spark alive, which is extremely difficult. Due to the distance and our ridiculously busy schedules we haven't been able to see each other very often. However, I'm going to be moving later this year to only 4 hours away which could make things easier. I've also tried to spark some flirting and phone sex/pictures with no dice.

We both have had some major changes in our lives recently and we've both been there to support one another. I've tried to get her to put more effort in but it hasn't worked. She doesn't talk to her sister or friends about me or ask for their help in a relationship so I'm the one having to pull the weight.

I'm just at the point where I don't know what to do next. She's very independent and maybe she doesn't want something serious. Do I continue being patient and let things happen naturally? I'm at the point where I'm starting to not care.



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  • She may be taking you for granted, like she feels she no longer has to try so much now that you guys are together, either she no longer cares or she feels so secure in the relationship she doesn't try much anymore thinking you'll always be there, my guess is the second, things won't improve unless she thinks she may lose you so you can either wait till you guys live only 4 hours away from each other or you can decide it's not worth it and end it, I hope this helps

    • Thanks for the reply. I didn't know about the "topics". lol

      Ya honestly at this point I'm just going to throttle back and let her step up. I don't want to break things off while she's working at a lodge. My ex broke it off with me while I was at a lodge and it ruined the experience for me. I'll give it time and I'll see where things are at when she gets back home. Time will tell I guess.

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